First of all, I'm so nervous to write this. I'm scared of the responses I'll receive but I know I need to hear something. I've been dealing with depression for the past couple of years. I used to be so alive and full of energy. I had friends and drew people to me. I was always smiling and making people laugh. Now I'm socially awkward, I've cut all my friends off and I don't allow anybody to get too close to me. And its all because of the man I'm with. He's naturally negative. He's like a leech that sucks all the positivity out of the air. When he enters the room, people hold their breath. Everyone knows how he is. I knew how he was from day one and still, I fell in love. I've always been the helping type. I thought if I loved him enough, he would see the world in a new light. I thought eventually my good spirit would rub off on him..but actually the exact opposite is happening. He's rubbed off on me. My kids notice it. I yell at them more. Its effecting them. I don't want them to see me like this. I don't want them to think I take pleasure in yelling at them. I know the simple and logical thing to do is to just walk away, but I've given him so much of me. Every time I try to walk away, he lures me back but when he breaks up with me (we do this often) its over until he says its not. I'm tired. I'm so confused. I just don't understand how someone can be so cruel and coldhearted to someone who has done nothing but love and support them. Today he broke up with me (again) and said so many hurtful things. He told me he hated me, he never loved me and he hopes that I die. He's wished death on me before and once again...Like an idiot, I forgave him. I'm tired of forgiving him. I want it to be over for good. I'm tired of hurting but I know once he "cools down" he'll be right back. How do I say no? How do I leave? Also, i told him about my suicidal thoughts today and he told me to do it. He didn't try to help or comfort me, he told me to do it. Its obvious he knows nothing about depression. I know he can't feel this pain I feel but I wish he could. Sorry if I'm rambling I'm just so lost and confused. If I didn't have children I wouldn't be typing this right now. I just want to be happy again, I want to go back to being the fun mom I used to be and I want the courage to be done with him. Sometimes I wish my heart wasn't so big... It truly is a gift and a curse. Also I have zero friends and my family is in another state so I don't have any type of support system. I just want to know what I should do? Amy suggestions on NOT falling into his trap and forgiving him??