I've been quiet just coming here and reading posts for a while, trying to convince myself its all going to be ok but now I realize it isn't going to be ok. I want to hold my hand out and help people around me but I feel so worthless that I cant, after all my opinion thoughts and hopes are worthless. Even the thought of giving someone an internet hug makes me sick because I wouldn't want to receive one from me anyway as I disgust myself. I've stopped crying and become numb to everything, no happiness or anything it like whats the point of existence, at least when I cried I felt alive. The cuts and bruises don't hurt anymore. But I cant cut deeper because then people might find out and lock me away. I've stopped leaving the house except for my doc appointment and then I don't want to go. All she did was double my medication. I'm not even getting dressed any more or cleaning the house. Angel is being really good to me and I do love him, if it wasn't for him I would of ended it already. I want to see the light, I don't want to feel this way, I just want to feel right now and I cant even do that. I'm at the end of my tether and I don't know what to do, I want to get better but I need help.