Need help!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DevilMayCry, Sep 22, 2010.

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  1. DevilMayCry

    DevilMayCry New Member

    I just found this site and registered today. I really need help. I'm 32 and have lived with my mom my whole life. My dad I have never known. I always felt ostrascized at school, I never made any friends at all and every day I dreaded going to school. At breaktimes, as everyone else would go and "hang"out with their friends, I would stay in the classroom for 15 minutes alone and wait for class to resume. I felt totally alone. I had a talking phobia where i was firghtened to death of the teacher calling out my name etc. From 11-18 it was the worst period of my life, a period which is supposed to be the opposite, a period when you're meant to grow. I missed all this and was severely depressed in my teens. At 18, I had family problems, and my mom met an abusive partner. This affected my exams, i failed them all and sat back and watched all the people i knew ( not friends) go to university. Since 18, i have had no confidence at all, no confidence even in going out to meet a girl. I always said to my mom that I would be ok and find somekind of homebased study to do something with my life. But time has just dragged on, my mum is desperately unhappy becasue of me. I spend most of my days up in my room just playing video games, then when it reaches 6 or 7pm i'll go out and get something to drink. I've been doing this for the past 10 years or so. I'm desperately depressed every night. I just cannot find anyway out of this. I have no mental energy to change at all. I'm making my mum so sad and my sister so sad. I really want to end it all. But i also have happy thought occasionally where i really want to meet a partner for affection. But having zero self esteem, money etc i cant see this happening.

    Sorry for all this long post, i just needed to vent my feelings that are in my mind right now. I cry my self to sleep every night. I'm so very down.

    I hope someone can understand.

  2. Arch

    Arch Member

    Hey Jamie, I want to help you. I think the first step to getting out of your very very long slump (because from this day forward, thats what it is, just a slump, a slump you WILL get out of) is to accept whats happened in the past, and be ready to move forward. It seems like you already are, but tell yourself you are ready. Do anything you can to build your confidence, even if it means talking in a mirror to practice what you would say in social situations.

    I think the most important thing to do first, is to find a job, or complete your education if you haven't already. What types of skills do you possess, are you good with computers or anything? What do you enjoy doing? I would recommend looking for a job you can possibly do from home, or at least one where you wouldn't have to interact with people as often. Maybe slowly wean yourself out of your current slump, and into a lifestyle that is more active and social. Try exercise maybe?

    If there's anything I can help you with-anything at all, let me know asap!!

  3. shrimpy

    shrimpy Member

    Oh Jamie - reading your post was like listning to my own son who seems to be in the same position as you. He (and I) would love him to meet a nice girl but he hardly ever goes out and lives in his room.

    You think you make your mom & sister unhappy. I'm sure they accept you and love you the way you are and would be devestated to know how you are feeling.

    I ent with my son to see our Doctor and he was great. He told us about a drop-in coffee bar where you could go and meet other people in similar situations and there were others there to help build confidence etc.

    We are here Jami Please chat to us and stay here. Big HUG. xx
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Jamie and welcome...I fully understand the sentiment, for different reasons, but as strongly sad as you are...I am sure many ppl here understand how you feel...please continue to post and let us be there for you...PM me if I can help in any way...and yes. do see if there is a professional you can talk to; you deserve to be happier...big hugs, J
  5. SaidDave

    SaidDave Banned Member

    I love DMC. Dante is bad ass.
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