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Need help!!!!

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I have been extremely suicidal for the past two weeks...I have planned this out, wrote all my good bye letters, and handled all my financial obligations...I have just finished writing my will...I now just need the courage to complete this...

I called a crisis hotline last night and all they seemed to care about was the time and going home...Not about how I was feeling....I have planned this for weeks and it is in its fruition...I have pushed away all my friends and family so they don't have to suffer...I have abandoned everyone in my life...PLEASE HELP!!!!


SF Supporter
Hey i'm sorry the crisis line people were like that. I'm glad you have come across this place though. Could you go into more about your feelings and thoughts about this?

I have lost all sense on what its like to feel happiness...I have squandered all my opportunities at being successful...I have been working since i was 14 and all my money is gone...The pain inside me is so devastating it took two hours to get out of bed...I sit and watch as my life goes backwards and everyone in life moves forward...I have a degree in culinary arts and I'm working on my degree in nutrition, but for what...I have made so many bad mistakes in life that I don't want to cause myself or my parents anymore hard ache...


SF Supporter
:hug: hun, its difficult but things can get better. you're doing a degree in nutrition, is this something you enjoy?

Just because you have made bad mistakes before does not mean you will always do so in the future, you can learn from the bad mistakes hun and make better choices. It will take time to feel happiness again, moving forward can be difficult but its not impossible. I don't think you should compare yourself to others, just because they are living a certain way doesn't make it the right way and sometimes people hit hard times and thats ok, it really is, you can work through that. I have myself looked around and hated seeing everyone else living while i'm running in reverse or stuck in a hole and it hurts so I know where you're coming from there. But this is your life not theirs and how your life goes may be different to theirs and maybe it takes longer to get where you want to go, but that doesn't mean they are better, just different, everyone is different. You can only try your best hun, and that should be enough for everyone else.

Do you have any support? therapist? I know you have said you have pushed people away, does this include your parents hun?

I've pushed everyone away...I don't want them to see me like this...They wouldn't understand...My friends and family have there own lives and issues to deal with...They don't need the extra burden or stress on there shoulders...I tried therapy and i Pissed away about $5000 for nothing...A $100 a visit three days a week and she just kept taking my money...Medication doesn't help at all for me or at least The ones I've taken...I've hurt many people by my actions and just don't want to do that anymore...I've had to lie so they won't see me like this...I'm afraid to live my house cause I have such a high level of anxiety right now...


Owner Emeritus
I think we've all hurt someone at one time or another, it happens. But we learn from it. Just because you've made mistakes in the past, doesn't mean you'll make the same ones in the future.

There are people who will be there, and who want to help.


SF Supporter
hun you may have pushed those people away but it won't make it easier for them or make them care less. You are whats important here.

Therapy and meds can take time to find the right ones. that money hasn't been pissed away hun, you tried to help urself, it's not your fault that lady wasn't the right one. Could you perhaps get support somehow for the cost? i'm not really sure how it works over there.
I've tried many avenues...I have no more money since I decided to spend my last 20 thousand dollars moving with my girlfriend who in turn betrayed me...I had to leave and move back to new york...I have no more resources...I cleaned my stock portfolio out trying to help myself and now i'm left with nothing...I have bill after bill, no job and no light at the end of the tunnel...There is only one choice...My Final EXit...

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
hun you have another choice you go to hospital and you sign yourself in for some help some respite I know you say you tried the meds but there are so many more new ones out there. Have you tried abilify it works have your tried wellbutrin xr works on dopamine levels have you tried ECT even Your girlfriend was a user you would not be the first to be burned like that. Don't let one persons actions destroy you hun. Go to hospital tell them you are suicdal and will harm yourself and get help for you YOu deserve help hun you do.
I know and understand what you are saying is the truth...that what I'm doing is not the answer...it's just so hard and tiring to try and get back to normalcy....if there is such a thing...I'm just tired of this life, my life...I want it to be over so I don't have to suffer..this world us so corrupt...I want peace...

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Need help your right and yes it will be hard to get back to where you have that peace but it is doable hun. You are tired so give the fight to the professionals to help you okay. Let them keep you safe you rest don't think about anything okay go to hospital tell them you are going to end your life and you need help
NOW let them help you hun One step at at a time okay lst step call crisis call emergency and get help then the following steps will come into place hugs
I don't understand how I can go from one emotion to another in a matter of minutes...This roller coaster ride that I'm on needs to cease...Don't get me wrong I love feeling emotions...Its better then being numb and not feeling anything(being on medication)...How do I find the happy median...Another reason I want to exit this life...
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