Need it:(

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by jjustme, May 5, 2007.

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  1. jjustme

    jjustme Guest

    I need to cut right now but my parents took my knife away:dry: I can't cut with another thing then my knife. I don't have another sharp object,,, not that sharp.. Aaargh this really sucks:mad: I really need it RIGHT NOW. damned. I feel so fucked up. :sad:
  2. whats going on to make you feel so bad that you want to hurt yourself? can you explain a bit? :hug: sweetie i hope your safe
  3. jjustme

    jjustme Guest

    Thanx for reacting:smile:
    But ehm why do i feel so bad... I don't know exactly... I've a new 'boyfriend'. He's not really my boyfriend but he thinks he is. I don't really like him and i miss my ex so badly. He broke up with me 8 months ago or something and I forgot about him a little bit... But now with this boy, argh that sucks. He's so different and he don't understand about my cutting and stuff.
    Last week I talked a little bit about cutting with him, and he said: you have to stop, otherwise I'll throw you in this nasty water (which was across us at that moment). and he said it so very seriously! I know it's not fair because he can't understand it, but he has to understand that it's not easy for me at all to stop. Ah but that's not the only reason, he's just too different. And I don't know what to do... I'm too shy to break up with him. But I feel fucked up about it because I really wanna love him but i can't! And I miss my ex, how stupid is that. 8 months ago for god's sake. How is that possible...
    And i'm always in fight with my parents, i hate it here. My father uses antidepressivia since i'm 1 year old or something. The realationship with my parents is just fucked up. And now they took my knife away again.. again again again. They always do. But its better for me to cut sometimes. Sometimes I really need it...After that I feel better, so why not:sad:
    I just hate my life. I feel lonely and have not many friends. Nobody understands me exept my exboyfriend but he dont wanna talk to me.
    It just all sucks and I feel like crying or screaming .. and cutting but that can't. bad bad bad.
  4. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Hiya :smile:.

    The relationship you have going with this guy right now... it doesn't sound like it's good for either of you. You need to break it off hon', because the longer you leave it the harder it will get. The longer you guys are 'together' before you end it the more unhappy you will both be.

    I know it's hard, but trust me, if you still have such strong feeling for your ex and you don't think this new guy understands you, then it's definitely for the best if you end it.

    Sorry to hear about your relationship with your parents. I know what it's like to have a difficult relationship with your parents, so I know how you feel :hug:. It sucks. You say your relationship with your parents is 'fucked up', can you talk more about this at all? In what way is it fucked up?

    Why doesn't your ex boyfriend want anything to do with you? I'm sorry that you feel the only person who understands you doesn't care anymore :sad:. I think you'll find lots of people on SF with similar experiences and feelings to your own though, so know that you don't have to feel so alone anymore. :arms:

    I understand what you mean about the cutting. I don't think going cold turkey works for most people. I know it doesn't for me. If I can't access my usual 'tools' then I'll just resort to something else. Lately I've started smoking as a substitute some of the time, because my boyfriend doesn't mind seeing me smoke but would obviously mind seeing me cut! I'm not suggesting that you take up smoking though, it's a rotten habit really. Have you tried writing down your thoughts and feelings? Either on here or in a journal or diary? I find that helps me sometimes, when I feel like I'm about to explode with all the emotions and anger flying around inside me.

    Or you could try alternative methods of self harm that aren't so harmful. Some people squeeze ice cubes until they melt. That doesn't break the skin or leave a scar, but I can assure you it hurts like heck and sometimes that's all the release you need. Other people keep an elastic band on their wrist and ping it against their wrist when they feel the urge to hurt themselves. Have you tried alternatives like these at all?

    May I ask why you cut? I mean, what exactly goes through your head? What do you get out of it and what is it that means it works for you? Is it the pain? The blood? Seeing the damage? Watching the wounds heal afterwards? Scarring yourself? And where do you do it? If you are able to think about these questions and answer them then maybe we can come up with an alternative that works for you :smile:.

    One other thing - if you feel like crying, then do it. Sometimes it can really help just to have that release. Trying to hold it back isn't healthy if you do it all the time.

    I'm sorry about all the questions, I hope you don't think I'm prying. I'm just trying to get a better picture of your problems and your situation so that I can be a bit more useful!

    Take care, :hug:

    ~Nobody~ x x
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