Need opinions about this....

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by lotr2012, Sep 18, 2012.

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  1. lotr2012

    lotr2012 Active Member

    So just to throw this out there...i have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and depression. I am twenty four now, and I had my first hospitilization at the age of sixteen. This is embarrissing for me to admit, but sense then I have had over fifty hospitilizations in psychiatric facilities. I seem to have this cycle where I have a crisis, and then I go into a hospital. Then I start to feel better and get released. I do better for a period of time, but then a month or two later, I am right back in the hospital. I have done a lot of thinking about this, and I have come to realize that sometimes when I go in, I am truly not suicidal. Idk, i feel crazy admiting this but there are certain aspects about the hospital that are comforting. I have an outpatient psychiatrist, and therapist. I am even doing support groups, but for some reason this is just not as fullfuilling as being inpatient. Am I crazy? It has gotten to the point where on a daily basis I have urges to go to the hospital. Then it turns into urges to do something to myself to get me in the hospital. I have come to realize that this is no way to live. I do not want to live my life going in and out of hospitals. How do I break this cycle? Any help or tips would be greatly apprecaited. Thanks
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I identify with this in the wider sense - I can't speak about hospitalization as I've somehow avoided it over the past 5 years, but in terms of depression yes.

    The conclusion I've come to is that when we deal with mental illness for a long time it naturally and understandably becomes part of our persona and how we see ourselves...some days I don't know how to do anything else except be depressed because that is where part of me wants to be. Depression in fact, becomes part of our coping strategy for life.

    I would seriously suggest that you consider talking to a professional about it - I'm sure that if they know their stuff they'll be able to help you - and take it seriously. Other tips would be (and like everyone here, I'm giving advice that's easier to give than to take):

    Make human contact - don't isolate yourself - even if it's just your parents/housemate/bf/gf/other - human contact and conversation is incredibly good for you.

    Set yourself a task each day - one that's attainable but still requires you to be proactive

    Go outside

    Eat well. Breakfast can be really good if you can get up for it.

    Look after yourself in terms of hygiene - a hot shower has a lot to be said for it.

    Hope some of that helps - if you want to talk about anything further - drop me a line in my inbox.

  3. Zipporah29

    Zipporah29 Member

    I know what you mean, there is truly something comforting about being in hospital. You fit in there. You get looked after. There are people like you around. And, you're not really expected to do anything. Or rather - you're not really expected to do anything, how shall I say it, normal. You can carry on with all the strange behaviour you like and it's totally expected of you. You can exchange stories with other patients. I loved it! I've had some of my best times in hospital (and a year in rehab, once) and met some of my best friends. And it gave me material to write about.

    And no, you're not crazy for these feelings. When we feel lost or disempowered, it's entirely natural to want to be where it's feels comfortable and safe.

    But well done for recognising the pattern and wanting to break out of it. How to go about it? I think maybe concentrating on the things that truly make you happy on the "outside" and making goals around those things is a step in that direction.

    But I get where you're coming from.
  4. ACPhilosopher

    ACPhilosopher Active Member

    I think it's human nature to seek out a safe haven. After so much time spent there, maybe the hospital just feels safe and familiar, so you keep gravitating back to it. Could that be the attraction?

    If you wanted to break out of the rut, you could probably look for some other safe, non-threatening environments, like the library or an art gallery. Try looking for other places that provide the same feeling of safety, companionship or whatever else you feel you're lacking.

    It's hard to break out of a habit, though. Usually I have to force myself to do a new behavior for at least 6 weeks before the new behavior starts to feel comfortable.
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