Need reasons.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Khaizim, Oct 31, 2008.

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  1. Khaizim

    Khaizim New Member

    Hi there the only reason i come here is for reasons to continue walking this earth. I have no friends not even remotly called friends, i never even had a relationship either. I have people all around me but the loneliness is tearing me apart. I do have a brother that cares alot about me, but is it to much to ask for maybe a little more? And i dont wanna put another burden on his shoulders i already told him and i saw how much it hurted him. So i cant speak with him about it again. I do have tried now for 8 years getting friends, but there is never responses. Girls/women no one even seem to notice me, i know i look really good, i am pleasent to talk to still no one sees me. (But obviously i am not)

    I am nor evil or hatefull, i treat people with respect and dignity, still people seem to abandon me. I live to work, becuse thats the only thing that keeps me from doing selfdestructive things to myself. But i cant work 24/7 (I wish i could).

    I dont demand anything, heck even when someone talks to me i get so happy, that the heart could explode. I dont want any sympathy, i just wish someone would come and visit me. And want to see me talk to me hear me just becuse of the person i am, and not becuse i am suicidal. Becuse i tried so many times getting a social network and started to acknowledge that its pointless. You could say i lost hope. I do hide feelings good, becuse that last thing i want is to people know how i really feel. This is once again my burden, becuse i write here is that i can be anonymous.

    So i wanna hear reasons, becuse i am all torned part.

    Whoever who read this, i give my deeply thanks
  2. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member

    You and me both Khaizim. I am lonely too. I have no one to go to.
  3. Inque

    Inque Member

    I struggle in connecting with people too. Not being able to create or maintain relationships isn't necessarily reflection of who you are or an indication of personal shortcomings. I think that maybe you're one of the rare people who don't take friends for granted. It's hard to be sentimental, when most people don't put that same passion into making connections.

    It makes me feel lonely. I angst when I don't hear from someone for a while. Caring so much when they don't seem to care at all makes me feel neurotic.

    Depression has a special was of putting distance between us and the people we want to know, and they sense that. It's harder for us- but not impossible.
    I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely.
  4. effervescentpsyche

    effervescentpsyche Well-Known Member

    Being depressed and suicidal usually makes it hard to make friends. You just send out this vibe to people...I know I do. I have no friends either, but I know it's my own fault...but people usually don't understand the depression and suicidal part of people. I think you should try to talk to people...sometimes you have to force yourself too...get a job in a place that forces you to be more social. Ex. Starbucks...usually people there are extremely friendly.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Kaizim,
    :shake::welcome: I relate to you not having friends. I haven't ever had true friends. Everyone I thought were my friend turned out to be users. I have Isolated my self from the world for the last fifteen years. I just started therapy three years ago. and joined the forum about nine months ago.
    I like my therapist but sometimes she drives me crazy. She is always wanting me to explain my thoughts behind my actions. The friends I have made here on the forum are great. I am thankfull to have them!!
    I am suicidal but my therapist has me dealing with that on a dailey basis. She even got me to get a puppy. She said they love you back unconditionally. she was right. At first I asked myself why did I do this because now I have to take care of him. After about a month I started coming around and now I love him big time. He knows when I am down and climbs in bed with me and lies next to me to show he cares.
    I hope you find the help you need. It is out there you just need to determine what you need!!Take Care!!~Joseph~
  6. Khaizim

    Khaizim New Member

    ~Darkrider i feel with you, i dont even know you are but, you read what i wrote and for that i thank you.

    ~Inque I dont take anything for granted any longer becuse it doesn't matter what i do still get dissapointed each time. And how long i will be able to handle i dont know. A person at work said i should come over, take a couple of beers, thats the first person in over five years someone actually invited me to something. But the agonizing thorn of pain that came after it went skyhigh, becuse of the joy happines for a short time. And its what i foresaw it was just a one time. Dont take me wrong i appreciated it deeply, but it hurted more then it made better.

    ~Effervescentpsyche I work as a chef, i meet people daily i work with people daily, but i still have maintain a positive attitude. If i dont i would probably lose my job, and if that would happen then i have absolutley nothing. To tell the truth my life was easier when i had no job. It may sound strange, the positive things that happens just makes me weaker for each day that passes.

    ~Stranger1 Only i talked about my issues and misery, is my brother but he couldn't handle it, or he didn't want to how badly sick i am being alive. About getting a dog, would be so cruel to that animal. They see how badly injured people really are. So who am i put agony in to animal that is innocent.

    Thank you for reading.
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