Need some advice about brother's wife

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Dahak, Dec 1, 2013.

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  1. Dahak

    Dahak Well-Known Member

    I feel somewhat guilty on many levels first im the one who introduce her to computers and facebook secondly i know what kind of women she is now but i refuse to tell my brother because i don't want to be the person who breaks up a marriage.One day she asks me to confirm her prepaid debit card through her email and what do i see a guy sent her a facebook message with his shirt off i freak and check her facebook account(i know it was wrong and i feel guilty) and there are several messages between her and guys whom she hasn't meet since school or hasn't seen in a while etc asking to meet her for dates or sex at this point i start crying, freaking out because if i tell my brother i could possible ruin his life because he has kids with this who he loves and so do i,i do want to scar the kids by breaking up thier momma and daddy.I think this my fault because i was the one who taught her about computers and its killing me inside.
  2. ronnymarie

    ronnymarie Guest

    This is absolutely in no way your fault. She could have learned the computer from someone else or even a book, and still did the same thing. It is her responsibility, and no one else's. And if she wanted to cheat, she would have found another way if she wasn't on computer.

    I would not tell your brother. It may not only end their marriage, but they could both end up blaming you. Could you possibly tell her what you know, and tell her she has some choices to make? If not, then let it be. Be a good friend to your brother, and be there when and if he needs someone to talk to.
  3. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    I completely agree with ronnymarie. This is absolutely not your fault, and could have been anyone who taught her. I also agree that you should consider not telling your brother but bringing it up with his wife, and say to her that what she is doing is not fair it is cheating and that she really needs to reconsider her priorities. Perhaps if she doesn't stop then have a conversation with your brother, and perhaps bring it up and see what happens. perhaps it needs to be done and she will soon realise, they can put it behind them etc, or go on their own ways
  4. Dahak

    Dahak Well-Known Member

    Thank you ronnymarie and falling hope i know i can count on this forum when something is eating me up inside.

    I think ill talk the advice of not telling,thanks didn't want to do that.

    The thing about is i think she really knows because she change her password and has been somewhat cold to me not talking,rolling eyes etc.And being the moron i truly am i turn this around as i did something wrong to her and kind of beg her to be her friend again,the thing i don't want is to not see my nieces and nephews whom i love.I think she is the type of woman who doesn't care about her family priorities but sex and money so talking to her i think isn't going to change her their have been rumors about her since her high school days which i've always said you don't judge a person but thier past.I've hinted at my brother to get a facebook account but he says he doesn't want that mess and boy is he right.
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I would mention to her what you saw and tell her that you are considering whether to tell your brother and make clear to her what she is doing is wrong ..... So far as telling your brother - i would suggest to him that her facebook messages are an issue and he needs to talk to wife but you do not want to be involved but will always be available if he needs anything or to talk ....
  6. wyngedbyste

    wyngedbyste Well-Known Member

    Dahak, what your brother's wife does online is none of your business. The fact that she got online is not your fault, since she has a right to be online if she wants. I assume she is an adult and can make decisions for herself. If you find her activities distressing, block her. Your brother's marriage is not your responsibility. Remember, everything is not about you.

  7. Dahak

    Dahak Well-Known Member

    I'm afraid if i confront her she won't let me see my nieces and nephews and she might turn it around on me like im a bad guy.Just this morning she was going back and fourth with some guy on his pic and he asked her was she married she responded by saying yes and he then ask has she cheated on him,.she then gives a LOL.Im in a lose,lose situation if i don't tell my brother i don't love him,if i tell him a break up a family.Im still thinking my fault because i introduce her to this technology,she wouldn't have all this access to all those guys if it was for me.I don't want to break up those littles ones family.
  8. Dahak

    Dahak Well-Known Member

    I know its not about me but the kids and whats right and wrong.there are times im willing to throw my life away for other people so im not worried about myself.
  9. Jessieblue

    Jessieblue Member

    not your fault she would have found another way to communicate with guys any how or maybe she is only having online flirting? has any of these messages actually said about meeting? did she agree and go ahead with it? This might be porn for a woman as men may look and flirt with woman on them redtube or bluetube sites..................
  10. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Tough situation to be in, whatever you decide to do, do it because you feel right. Sometimes making the right decisions are going to hurt others in the process if you still feel guilty about it.
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