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Need some advice and help..I really want to make this work

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by weirdal, Apr 9, 2012.

  1. weirdal

    weirdal Forum Buddy

    Hi guys, hope you're all okay. I hope you have a couple mins to take the time to read my thread, cause to be honest I'm real confused and need some advice from you guys.

    Right basically, i've been friends with this girl for a fair few months. We get alone really well, and spend a lot of time otgether, regularly go for dinner, drinks outings etc, so theres no awkwarndess in person whatsoever. i guess i've always had some feelings for her as more than friends, but I would never act on them or tell her purely cause I know we are such good friends.

    the other night we went out into town together, and we went back to hers after. This isn't something that is I was suprised about, often we just go back and watch tv or chill in the garden chatting etc. This time however, got into bed and started messing around on the laptop. She asked me to lie with her whilst she fell to sleep, and after a while we ended up getting with each other for a couple hours. We didn't sleep with each other, and didn't go any futher than kissing, but it was quite passionate and intense.

    Bear in mind this was totoally unexpected for me, and I never thought this kinda thing would happen. I was obviously on a high the next day and felt really good. However, the night after this happened, she started texing me saying it was weird and we were really good friends. I put up some degree of resistance to this, and explained to her how I felt, and I told her why did she say the things she said the night before if she didnt meant them.

    She then went on to say shes confused, and that can she have some time to think. Of course i said yeah think about it for as long as you want, i dont wanna force her into anything, but that's how we left it yesterday. we haven't talked about it since, and im feeling pretty crap about it, because i have got it into my head that she obviously has feelings for me ( she admitted that there is at least a small degree of attraction), but I am so stuck on what to do next.

    I was thinking take her out for dinner, but I dont wanna rush things, but on the other hand I really don't wanna miss my chance - this is a really cool girl I really like.

    Should I be extra romantic? Do something really special for her? Or just play is casually? I really don't know, and don't want to mess up my chance. Does anyone have any ideas?

    Any help is much appreciated, and thanks a lot in advance

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Give her some space hun let her have the time she needs to think. You do not want to push her into a relationship let it go slowly okay if you want to invite her out for supper ok but try to keep your friendship there okay that is what is most impt
  3. AC21</3

    AC21</3 Member

    Wow. Sounds like the same thing happened to me honestly. And for me idk if there is a difference but I'm a girl and she's a girl. She started it in my bed and now that i look back we took things too fast maybe and now nothing is the same. she has currently shunned me out of her life and when i say shun i mean in every single way possible. email deleted, phone changed, facebook blocked, etc. and now i'm in pain being heart-broken by her and it sucks BIG TIME...take it slow. but don't let her get away if you deep down and ur gut tells you that she has feelings for you. i know mine still has feelings for me but the only thing i can do now is just let things cool down really....hope you get her.
  4. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    It's always difficult to maintain these friendships with the opposite sex when you're attracted to one another. Try to take it slowly, but don't pretend that the feelings aren't there. Acknowledge how you feel and think about why you feel that way. Give it a few days for her to clear her head, and then ask her out to lunch. Remember, there's always the chance that she just got caught in the moment of passion and delighted in having a source of affection in bed with her. So just ask her out to lunch as friends, but also verbally acknowledge that you like her and don't want to jeopardize the friendship, after all, you didn't have sex, so still being close friends is still on the table.

    Let her some time to herself, and go out as you usually do but maybe you'll put an arm around her or show more affection. It may help her to feel more comfortable with the truth that you're both attracted to each other and gradually pursue something more mutually romantic. You'll have guilt free kissing before you know it, but only if she's able to acknowledge her attraction to you. It's very difficult to cross that line and remain just friends with someone you really like.
  5. weirdal

    weirdal Forum Buddy

    It sucks, cause I feel like i've lost a real good friend now. I've seen her in the last few days, but things have just been different, and she seems somewhat off with me. You know that gut feeling we as human beings get, when we know somethings up? That's exactly what I'm getting now. If nothing is going to happen I would far rather that is made clear by both sides now rather than later, so that we can go back to being really good friends.

    She's being really off with me so I dunno even how to bring up a time to meet her anymore, wheras before this happened i would ring her happily and ask her to come meet me and it wouldn't be awkward. Not sure what to do now!!
  6. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    You're in a transitional period with her, you can't let this stay awkward Alex. You have to get in a neutral environment where you two have been before and had fun, and you must get straightforward. She has to feel comfortable talking to you and that takes time and place variables to be in order. Both of you must talk about it and how you feel. Once this is in the open, there will be no more reservations about becoming romantic and enjoying your friendship and the time you spend together. The only reason this is staying awkward is because one or both of you are letting that night pass as if it never happened pretending as if things aren't changed at all, instead of embracing it openly, appreciating the moment.
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am no expert, but if she is really feeling that off. It is because she is conflicted. I think she wants to believe that getting into a romantic relationship with you would be a bad idea. However, she also wants to get into one. I think in this time away from you she is trying to push that attraction onto another or trying to convince herself that wanting you is wrong.

    So I would say pretend like nothing happened. Do not romance her in anyway. Keep your relationship as usual. Then maybe sneak in an extra cuddle or another touch. Keep it subtle, like if you watch a movie with her sit right next to her so you and her are touching. Then slowly escalate, put your arm around hold her closer. Rest your head on hers. Give her side a gentle rub. Move your hand closer to ummm I guess we will call them red zones ;). Not in the red zone but right on the border. You know stuff like that. Then maybe go in for another kiss. If she kisses back you kiss more. If she does not stop start touching more. If she mirrors... well you get the idea ;) Remember if at any point she backs off you back off. I personally do not think talking about this with her will get you anywhere. Right now she does not want to be romantic with you. Bringing it up will only remind her and keep her mind off of it.

    I say you have the door open, and you just need to walk in. Then if she rejects you well that is life. Put some distance between yourself and her. Then move on with life. There is no do X, Y, and Z and she will be yours dude. Stop looking for it. All you can do is make your desires and attraction known. There is something there. Just do not ruin it by being a gushy woman. Be a man, and take a chance. Remember make it seem like it just happened to her. What is the worst that could happen. You have a one night stand and she only wants to be friends? She suddenly no longer wants anything to do with you? My personal opinion is that if romantic interest ruins friendship. It was not worth having to begin with. :tongue: I say if she rejects you. Start dating a girl you know she will hate. Then bring up how you tried but she didn't want you. Just to be evil.
  8. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    She'll be more off with you the more off you are with her. A few months you've known her? I bet she's confused.. The thing is, how well do you know her? How well does she know you. She's going to be hesitant because she doesn't know you, but that boarder of friendship to intimate has been crossed, so it's going to be confusing. If you havent done anything and don't want to persue things diretly right now, i'd just be upfront with her. Say something about how nice or whatever that evening was, but you don't want it to ruin the friendship you two have. Or something like that.. this stuff really has to come from you, other people suggesting what to say is great.. but it really has to come from your feelings :S... Idk.. It's honesty. It comes in many ways. The thing is with some people, they prefer to have relationships as friends for a longer period of time so they can see how that person is. Some people who get into physical relationship with friends after a few months feel that relationship is ruined, or hindered by something they don't want to consider. She might feel off with you because she's unsure what you want, or how you see her. There's lots of things that have changed, opened up ect since you first kissed her. Before it was a friend.. now it's something more, and perhaps she doesn't want that. Persueing her? Idk, that's a gamble, and tbh if she wants some space, give her some space, but let her know (if you really want) that your friendship means more to you than, however it happened to be that night.

    Sometimes it's just a release that pours out in and with the wrong people. Perhaps shes got feelings for someone else.. perhaps she's getting over a long term relationship from before. Maybe she likes how things were and now it's emotionally complicated. There's lots to consider, and youll go nutty trying to figure it out. Be the friend you are with her.. the rest is kinda what makes you who you are. If you know what I mean? If you really want to persue her, then do it as who you are. But the pretending thing? yeah that's like a black hole. tbh read prins post. It's pretty spot on. It's all about honesty, not coxing. I mean you can cox to an honesty point, but the real issue is being on the same page, and feeling comfortable with eachother again. (and I wouldnt cox her) The kicker is appricating that moment together, without going overboard and seeing stuff that wasn't on the table.
    It's been awhile, I hope you two are talking again :) best wishes mate. But yeah... just .. craftyness is dodgyness imo. Especially for someone you respect. I kinda think planning stuff out isn't going to do her any justice, just force her into a situation that shes unsure of, and that you don't know where she's coming from.