Need some advice - please help

[TiredAndAlone]

Hi everyone. This is a bit long, sorry, so bare with me.

I'm in my mid-20s and have been suicidal for many years. Just recently, things have gotten really bad and every minute of everyday I think of taking my own life. I started a web-log to record my feelings and talked to people online with similar problems. I've never, ever been in a relationship of any kind and I'm very shy.

Anyway. I started talking to this girl who has a website. She has very similar problems. She is my age and we've talked alot on AIM. We have so much in common and we feel we can talk to each other about anything. After some long AIM-sessions, she asked me to phone her. I resisted at first but the next day I called her up.

For the last 2 nights we've been talking on the phone into the early hours (actually she does the most of the talking....I'm a very boring person). But I have a dilemma. I really, really like this person and want to talk to her, but at the same time I don't because it only reminds me of how much I've missed out on in life, and what a total loser I am. I never really know what to say. I'm not funny. She flirts a lot, even though I know she's depressed too. This embarrasses me and I can't give her the support she needs. When I am depressed, I just end up hurting her because I don't want to talk to her in case I make her more upset with my problems.

I only think she talks to me because she's lonely, and has no-one else who's been through the same bad times. No-one else who understands. I actually feel really, really bad this week and I don't know if it's down to her or my typical depression. Plus, she talks about her boyfriends so I know she doesn't see me in that way. It's awkward. But I've never had this kind of a attention. She's the closest thing I've ever had to a soulmate.

What should I do? Please help :sad:

 

[Terry]

Wow a hard one Tired. Can I suggest you try relaxing a bit and just letting the relationship grow or wither of it's own accord?

On line relationships can seem like the answer to loneliness and a lot of people jump into them, but they can also be fraudulent, people can say anything they like, lie whatever, feeling safe from you ever finding out the truth.

This girl may well be on the level, but you sound very vunerable, so I would take this relationship with a pinch of salt until she proves otherwise.

So sit back, enjoy it for what it is at the moment and see where it goes.

 

[TiredAndAlone]

Thanks for the response.

It's not like that. I'm not totally naive about the internet.

We talk about stupid things, funny things. Past experiences. And this was after getting to know each other through very extensive on-line sources.

She's no fraud. And how can she 'prove otherwise'? :sad:

No-one has ever taken the time to listen to me like she has, and for all I know, no-one ever will again.

 

[CursedSoul]

Thanks for the response.

It's not like that. I'm not totally naive about the internet.

We talk about stupid things, funny things. Past experiences. And this was after getting to know each other through very extensive on-line sources.

She's no fraud. And how can she 'prove otherwise'? :sad:

No-one has ever taken the time to listen to me like she has, and for all I know, no-one ever will again.

How do you know no-one will never listen to you besides you ?
You probably thought the same before you met her, didn't you ?
What about us ? we read your posts, we reply the best we can. We care, we listen, we're here for you. You are not alone.

 

[TiredAndAlone]

How do you know no-one will never listen to you besides you ?
You probably thought the same before you met her, didn't you ?
What about us ? we read your posts, we reply the best we can. We care, we listen, we're here for you. You are not alone.

You didn't care the last time I posted here. I am a alone. You're just text on a screen.

 

[CursedSoul]

You didn't care the last time I posted here. I am a alone. You're just text on a screen.

What do you mean I didn't care ? I didn't post before now because I have had a really rough day, still am. Don't think you are the only one who hurts. Remember, there is someone behind the text on the screen.

PM me if you want to talk...

 

[TiredAndAlone]

I'm sorry. I meant I've posted here before using other names, and no-one gives a damn :sad:

 

[CursedSoul]

I just joined a few days ago, I often decide not to reply on threads because they remind myself how much I hurt... I give a damn, I am here if you need to talk. I want to get better, and I want you to get better.

 

[Terry]

Ah Cursed, I do that too, some posts are just too much how I'm feeling for me to be able to deal with them.

As u said you are new.... WELCOME

And please note somebody always reads the threads, those can deal with it will answer.

By the way Tired, if she's talking to you, then relax and enjoy the relationship.
Does it really matter if she does it cos she's lonely?
Loneliness hurts the soul, anything that alleviates it even for a minute has to be a bonus.

 

[thecleric]

By the way Tired, if she's talking to you, then relax and enjoy the relationship.
Does it really matter if she does it cos she's lonely?
Loneliness hurts the soul, anything that alleviates it even for a minute has to be a bonus.

I dunno, Dev., I can think of some relationships that have been net minuses for me, and I invented lonely & desperate.

Girls have it much easier.

 

[TiredAndAlone]

I dunno, Dev., I can think of some relationships that have been net minuses for me, and I invented lonely & desperate.

Girls have it much easier.

Yes. Well it seems the question has answered itself. She's no-longer talking to me. She now has a social life and I have outlived my usefulness :'(

I knew this was going to happen. I guess I can cherish the memory though, while it lasted. Thankyou for your time. I'm going to go die now.

 

[CursedSoul]

Yes. Well it seems the question has answered itself. She's no-longer talking to me. She now has a social life and I have outlived my usefulness :'(

I knew this was going to happen. I guess I can cherish the memory though, while it lasted. Thankyou for your time. I'm going to go die now.

Cherish the memory, now it is time to make new ones. Don't kill yourself...
If you do, you will never knowyo if u could've had anything better. There are alot of great people out in the world, especially on SF... We'ere here for you.

I wish you all the best...

 

[zbucket]

The hard thing about thinking that you're worthless is that most of the time the only person arguing the point is yourself, and that dude hates your guts.

You sound a lot like me I have to admit, so I'm going to be a little brutal with you, not because I'm an arse but because it may actually help mate.

Very very very few people understand how you're feeling, and out of those few people very few are interested in talking or hearing about it. Divide that in half and you get roughly the amount of women who are going to "get" you. That doesn't equal love, it equals you finally thinking you've found someone who wont judge you, unfortunately when you've been waiting to hear from someone like that for a long time, it kinda feels like love.

It's easy to find an excuse that = you being shit, when you aren't real happy with yourself.

ie
I have outlived my usefulness :'(
no-one gives a damn
I am a alone.
No-one has ever taken the time to listen to me like she has, and for all I know, no-one ever will again.

I know this is crap advise mate but waiting for a savior just isn't going to happen. You have to deal with why you think you're worthless first...then you can get into a relationship that may actually really work for both of you.

 

[TiredAndAlone]

The hard thing about thinking that you're worthless is that most of the time the only person arguing the point is yourself, and that dude hates your guts.

I like that.

Very very very few people understand how you're feeling, and out of those few people very few are interested in talking or hearing about it. Divide that in half and you get roughly the amount of women who are going to "get" you. That doesn't equal love, it equals you finally thinking you've found someone who wont judge you, unfortunately when you've been waiting to hear from someone like that for a long time, it kinda feels like love.

I was never under that allusion. But then I don't know what love feels like. Sure I can't stop thinking about her, but that doesn't mean it's love.

I know this is crap advise mate but waiting for a savior just isn't going to happen. You have to deal with why you think you're worthless first...then you can get into a relationship that may actually really work for both of you.

So what can I do? I'm worthless because I can't get into a relationship, and I can't get into a relationship because I'm worthless...

:sad: :sad: :sad:

Thanks for responding anyway - it was brutal but honest. Still doesn't help me though. :sad:

 

[LetItGo]

I think what zbucket is trying to say is that you shouldnt put so much stock in finding a relationship as the saviour of your situation. Work on other aspects of your life, like family, friends, work, and hobbies etc to the point you feel positive in all those areas, and you probably find that your general feelings of worthlessness will disappear.

When you no longer feel worthless, youll have more energy, and generally a greater ability to make friends, and form relationships with woman. Hating yourself, and giving off that vibe constantly isnt going to attract the opposite sex (I can tell you that from personal experience).

Come to a point of satisfaction with the rest of your life, dont put so much stock in finding somebody else to make you feel like life is worthwhile...there just people after all. Shouldnt you live your life for yourself, rather than through somebody else?

 

[TiredAndAlone]

Ok. So we spoke again last night and now she wants to meet me :unsure:

What should I do? If I see her, she's bound to be disappointed. It just seems to be a mistake. I want to go, but then I don't. She lives in Surrey, I live in Suffolk so it's a significant journey and I'll have to take time off work.

I'm so confused right now - why is this person still talking to me? She has all these great friends.

 

[Always Alone]

Well maybe there not so great?

If she wants to meet you, you should go. From what you've posted here you care about her alot.

You she might be disappointed, I don't she will. It sounds like she's really opened up to you, and you've opened up to her. If that's true then she already knows you, she won't be disappointed.

I hope it works out for you! If it dose, hold on to her, hold on and never let go

 

[CursedSoul]

Ok. So we spoke again last night and now she wants to meet me :unsure:

What should I do? If I see her, she's bound to be disappointed. It just seems to be a mistake. I want to go, but then I don't. She lives in Surrey, I live in Suffolk so it's a significant journey and I'll have to take time off work.

I'm so confused right now - why is this person still talking to me? She has all these great friends.

I heard someone say: Love looks with the heart, not with the eyes.

 

[zbucket]

So what can I do? I'm worthless because I can't get into a relationship, and I can't get into a relationship because I'm worthless...

Nah mate sorry, your worth has bugger all to do with whether you're in a realationship or not. Think about it. Say you're the greatest bloke in the world and all of a sudden you don't have a girlfriend, does that mean you're worth nothing all of a sudden? Nup.

You can't get into a realationship because you're scared shitless that she isn't going to think you're good enough. Now that right there is pretty common. Most people, when they meet someone seem to worry about whether or not that person is going to like them or not, but if you think about it a bit that doesn't make much sense. You're either a decent bloke or you're not, whether someone likes you doesnt' really change that. Shit Hitler was Time magazine's man of the year for F sake.

Don't set yourself up to be judged by someone else, they don't know you as well as you do.

 

[Terry]

Zbucket you are so on the nose with your posts...couldn't agree more.
We cannot judge our worth by other people, and if we don't learn to love ourselves we can't really love anyone else.

People will come and go in our lives, some will just leave, others die..we are not less for knowing them and losing them. Each relationship gives you something even when it's shit you can learn from it.

Tired..she wants to meet..GO FOR IT!!!

If it all goes pear shaped we're here to listen.