need some advice please *trig*

ok, some of you might know about my past but to fill others in,i'm 19 and i was sexually abused for 4 years from the age of 6 which stopped when i stopped seeing the abuser. i was then gang-raped aged 10 on an estate round the corner from my house. i was then raped aged 16 by a "friend" and then i was raped again when i was in psych hospital by another patient.

my mum and dad know about the rapes, but have no idea about the abuse, and its not something i can tell them because of personal reasons and to be honest, what they know is enough to explain the way i am, being in and out of hospital etc.

the thing is, my little sister, when i first went into hospital, we decided was too young, being 14, to know about my past, cos she was having to deal with her sister being taken to a mental hospital as it was.

now, she is nearly 17 and feels like she "isn't part of the family" becuase we all have this big secret from her, cos she knows that there is something that made me go into hospital but doesnt know what it is. its not like we talk about it or anything, but she still feels left out and said to my mum that its eating her up inside not knowing and that she wishes i could confide in her.

she recently went to see her gp after having a panic attack, my parents went with her, and this was the main reason for her anxiety. what the fuck am i doing to her? i thought i was protecting her but apparently im making things worse. but then it'll be worse if she does know aswell. oh i don't know.

i still see her as my "little" sister even though she's older now, and i dont want her to know, but am i being selfish? i just dont know what to do.

any ideas would really be appreciated. thanks,

 

Ok hun, can talk from a point of been there on this one.
I too was abused as a kid, my cousin knew about it and one week (she had come to stay with me) she told me that her father had sexually abused her from the age of 2.
I spent the entire night crying:

1. Because it was my uncle who had done this and I had always loved him.
2. Guilt from not being able to protect her.
3. Guilt from not realising what was happening (tho how I could guess I dont know).
4. Just sheer gut wrenching misery from knowing about it at all.

Having said that, I was glad she felt that she could trust me enough to tell me about it and that we were close enough to share this awful news.

Your sister knows something is wrong, her imagination is probably working overtime with what it could be. She is now almost an adult and I think she deserves to be allowed to know. It will bring you closer, believe me.

 

hey hun, i was raped too, more than once, and physically abused my entire life. I know how it is. and honestly, I really douby your making your sister worse. if you think you are causing her panic attacks by not telling her something...well, i dont think thats possible. and if you decide to tell your sister about why you were put in the hospital, i would honestly say that you should tell her when your ready for her to know. good luck, Sandra

 

keep in mind that even though i said earlier that it wouldnt there is a chance that you not telling her is making her panic attacks worse, because it could make her think that no one trusts her, which could make them worse...sorry if I just contradicted myself...ya, i think i did. but anyways, good luck.