Not sure where to start... I've been divorced for the past two past years. I have three kids, ages 6,4, and 3. My ex (an attorney) just married daddy Warbucks and moved into a million dollar McMansion (nothing like dropping the kids off when I drive up with them in a beat up truck and they have a BMW, Lexus and two SUVs sitting in the drive way). And I still have to give to give her $500 every two weeks. And combined they make about 4x what I do. I can barely afford mortgage and bills. It's been a flip of the coin to decide which bills get paid which don't each month. I have a history of depression and have been on various drugs off and on, but I was tired of feeling "dead" or not feeling ANYTHING from the drugs so I stopped taking them about 6 months ago. Plus they are expensive. My dad committed suicide. So did his brother. And a cousin. One of my best friends did growing up as a kid. Life's been fun. My girlfriend is my age, but has never had kids and doesn't seem to understand that they are kids and that it can be difficult to parent. I'm not sure if she actually loves them or not. Most of my friends and family live in different states since I decided to stay here to be close to my kids. It's hard for me alone to manage them when I have them. They all want my attention and it's really hard to physically and mentally do it. Ever change two diapers at the same time while a third is crying? Anyway, I got into an argument with my girlfriend today and it stemmed from the kids. SHe also seems to want to leave when things go south with the kids (i.e. disciplining them or if they talk back or do something wrong). SHe stayed the first bout, but left later in the day crying and upset - basically saying my kids were bad kids. I think I discipline them properly (sit on steps, etc.), but today was also an off day for them since they were up early between 4 and 6am. I'm most upset with myself because I grabbed the oldest when he wasn't listening and got forceful with his younger brother then I physically hurt him unintentionally. Nothing bad, but I grabbed him and pushed him inside and he started crying. It's hard to live with myself doing something like this. I know I'm an adult, and I can't live with myself by acting this way. I feel like I can't control my anger sometimes, especially when I'm constantly beckoned and needed by them from dusk till dawn on top of everything else. I barely get to eat or have time to go to the bathroom or do anything for myself. I know I "made my bed" and I'm trying to do the best I can, but I'm not sure about anything anymore. I love them more than anything and I don't want to do what my dad "did to me" so to speak, but I find it so hard to make it each day. At least my dad had an excuse, so to speak, and was bipolar, before they knew how to treat it. But I just feel like a complete f up and want to curl up in a ball and go away.