Need Some Advice

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Aimee_in_Wonderland, Sep 16, 2009.

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  1. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    so, my boyfriends friend, has invited him to go see the used on the 23rd of this month
    hes been wanting to go see them live for 3 years.
    shes paying for both the tickets and the travel.
    and im not ok with this,

    its not that i dont trust him/
    i dont trust her.
    i know she likes him.
    i know she wants him.
    shes tried it on with him before
    he just thinks i never saw the facebook messages

    He says he wont go, if im not okay with it.
    but if i say i dont want him to go, im selfish.

    i just really dont want him to go,
  2. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    man... tight spot huh?

    if you trust him there should be no problem, but i get the feeling youre worried that if she tries something he might not say no fast enough... not my business however. if you cant trust her (or him) just say no. or see if you can go. if you let him go, you will be paranoid of her, if you dont let him, then you may get paranoid he resents you? honestly theres no easy answer. unfortunately. you have to be honest. say how you feel.
  3. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    if i let him go, i will be paranoid,
    and even if he says nothing happened ill never blieve him.

    but his dad promised him tickets to see the used over and over and i dont want to be the reason why he misses out again.
    its a complete sellout so no spare tickets
  4. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    wounded... i really dont know what to suggest. all i can say is to trust him. you dont want to risk your relationship over a band and some girl do you?

    idea! you could give him something to remind him of you? something that will keep his mind on you?

    a photo of you two maybe?
  5. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    not as simple as that,
    if i say anything he'll start this big argument saying i dont trust him =/
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Be truthful that you don't want him to go but understands if he does. Thats all you can do is be truthful.
  7. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    But the truth is i know if he goes its the end of our relationship because ill never let it go
  8. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    well if he wants to be like that id argue back. he said its up to you right? look, well to be fair, talk to him, if he acts a ****, treat him like one. dont get hurt from this. its not worth it.
  9. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    i really just dont know
  10. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    im sorry but nor do i
  11. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I don't have the answers. But I do know that, if a relationship is going to work, there HAS to be trust on both sides.

    Has he ever given you a reason not to trust him; has he ever done something he shouldn't?

    My suggestion would be to talk to him about how you feel, let him know that this girl makes you uncomfortable. Try to get some reassurance from him that nothing will happen between them.

    If he's done something in the past to break your trust, I can understand where you're coming from. But if he hasn't, and you want the relationship to work, you need to learn to trust him.
  12. physician

    physician Well-Known Member

    hm...then why don't you go with them?? i can never have trust in a situation like this...
  13. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    This is how I am with my husband. We give each other freedoms and all that and I'm not worried about him cheating. There are women that like him because he's a musician and I said this, they can like him all they want, but not to forget who I am and to disrespect me.

    Knowing this woman asked your boyfriend, bought the tickets and is paying for the travel, I'd say this: I know you like this band and really want to see them and if this silly chick wants to spend her money, go ahead and see the band. BUT I think she's doing it only because she likes you and she wants to get with you and I'm not okay with that and it bothers me. So if the shoe was on the other foot, and you thought a guy was liking me and asked me to go to this concert, what would you want me to do?

    That way you find out where his head is. And gives you a better way to open up some communication between you two. For me personally, if there was some guy asking me to go to a show that I know likes me and is paying for everything and I have a boyfriend then I wouldn't go because that's disrespecting my boyfriend because I know this guy is only doing it because he is expecting something to come out of it. If we were just friends, then that's a different story.

    That's my take.

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