Need some advice

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Blahdyblah, Dec 21, 2009.

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  1. Blahdyblah

    Blahdyblah Member

    I have never felt ths bad before. I'm in a pretty bad situation. My girlfriend is 3 months pregnant. However, i'm not distressed about that.. i'm really excited about being a father, and i'm ready to take care of the child.

    I'm worried about my relationship with my girlfriend. I want to marry her, but I wanted to make sure it would last. She has been very distant from me this week. She hasnt wanted to see me, and says the reason is because she doesnt want to be mean to me while shes pregnant. She also says that she likes to be alone too, so i'm not sure if shes just using that as an excuse.

    I went over there tonight to bring her some vitamins, and she tells me that I shouldn't invite myself over. I was pretty pissed, so I just left. I want to love her, and I want her to love me.. I don't know how to go about dealing with this.. she never use to be like this when we first started seeing each other. The thing that got me was she wrote on facebook "does not forsee a happy ending in her future, but the baby and I will be just fine." I want to be able to have a happy relationship with her, and i've been trying everything to make it work.

    I feel like shit. I have never wanted to kill myself before, but it feels so right tonight. I know its not the answer. I have a baby on the way, and it wouldnt be fair to my kid. I sure could use some helpful advice.
     
  2. cassandra

    cassandra Anitiquities Friend

    Blahdyblah, I don't think there is anything more difficult than loving someone who doesn't reciprocate or acts as if they don't. It's why I've come back to the forum.

    Do you think it's possible that your girlfriend is having mood swings because of hormonal changes?

    Please don't do anything to harm yourself. It can't be undone and people do care about you, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
     
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    This is a huge event for you both. I'm glad you want to be there to support your girlfriend through this and to be a dad to this baby.

    But wanting to get married has to be for all the right reasons. Not just because of the baby. I know you say you want to marry her but did you two feel this way before you found out she was pregnant? Did you ever discuss it?

    I bet she is going through a lot in her head and body right now. And she may be scared that you wont be there when the baby finally arrives. Trust me, when a woman finds out she is pregnant everything gets all turned around and you really think only of that little baby and what your responsibilities are now going to be to keep it safe and loved.

    Maybe rather than talking about getting married, leave that alone for a while. Try showing her you are just as excited about this baby and all that you both need to do now as she is. Talk about things you will need to get, ask her how she is doing and what changes she might be experiencing. Show her a guarantee of sorts that you are truly exicted and want to make plans of a future for the 3 of you. Once she gets through the 1st trimester, things will be a little easier for her. Then maybe bring up marriage etc. But above all else, thoughout this all be there for her. Take on as much responsibility as you can. Words are wonderful but actions prove those words. So be patient and try to experience all this from her point of view too. Good luck.
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    When one is excluded like this, for any reason, especially in your situation, it hurts...can you talk to her and ask why she is feeling this way? that would at least bring these things into the relationship...just a thought and hope this works out...big hugs, J
     
  5. Blahdyblah

    Blahdyblah Member

    I talked to her, but she confessed that she only likes me and isnt in love with me. She says its a stupid word that isnt very useful. Its not what I wanted to hear, but at least I know now. I asked her how she felt about us being in a relationship, and she wants us to continue seeing each other. She says we arnt in the relationship for the wrong reasons. I dont really agree, but apart of me wants to make this work still. She says shes going to keep doing her own thing, so I guess its up to me if I really want to make this work or not.
     
  6. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    The work has to be mutual.
     
  7. Kimi

    Kimi Well-Known Member

    I understand your feeling. But when women get pregnant, hormone balance changes and it affects to women's feeling. It's different to each woman. But it's not her control, she is having a new life inside and her hormone which control her emotional side changes.

    You are awesome person who are supporting her pregnancy. I wish I had one like you....
     
  8. Blahdyblah

    Blahdyblah Member

    Ugh im doing so shitty tonight. I feel like things are getting worse. I want to be there for my girlfriend's pregnancy. I feel so helpless just sitting at home not being able to be around my future child. She continues to want space, yet she continues to tell me that she doesnt know why shes feeling this way. She doesnt even want to spend time with me on Christmas. I hate this feeling. I want to make this work, and I continue to keep hoping she'll come around. Its been a really tough month. =(
     
  9. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    No matter what the relationship status is or becomes, keep supporting her and the baby through this. Like so many have said, she is going through so many changes right now. Be patient please. Dont make her feel pressured. She has a lot to think about with the pregnancy and the baby growing inside. Just be there hun. I know it is really hard for you to understand and that is pretty much how it is for her right now too. Dont push, just take things day by day. And dont give up. You have a little person that will soon be here and need both a mom and a dad. Keep thinking about that. Think about all the firsts you will get to see and experience. Think about all the special occassions and fun times to come. Think about that little person when everything else just doesnt seem to make any sense or seems out of control. Be safe and be strong.
     
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