Need some advice

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Astaroth, Feb 17, 2011.

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  1. Astaroth

    Astaroth Member

    About a year ago, I wrote my story about my experiences here and why I suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts. At this point, I really don't feel like going into much detail again about my past problems so I'll just make it simple and tell you all what's currently going on...

    I really need some advice on my appearance. Keep in mind, I will not show my Facebook or picture here for the public to see in this thread, but I would like to show some volunteers from here my Facebook in a private message and want people to give me an honest to truth opinion about the way I look. I would prefer it if only females saw it please since I am straight, but if you truly feel the need to help me I'll take whatever help I can get whether male or female.

    The way I look at it, women find me incredibly repulsive. They do not blatantly say I do, but that's the vibe I get whenever dealing with girls no matter where I am.

    My mother and people in my family say I'm good looking, but maybe they're just saying that because they're family and supposed to say things like that about their loved ones!

    I'm not only depressed, but angry at this world because I feel like I'm not even of this planet because of me feeling like a putrid outcast freak. My friend and his family and friends all think I'm this "cool guy" who plays in a band and gets chicks easily, when that isn't the case at all. I've told people close to me of my issues and they just don't seem to care or listen except for my loving Mom of course. My Mom doesn't understand it either...

    For the love of Pan, I play in a Depressive Black Funeral Doom one man project. So you know it doesn't have the same effect as Motley Crue or WASP did on the ladies back in the 80's... but still, that shouldn't stop me from finding someone especially being as "good looking" as I am.

    I just hate the youth culture of today as well. It doesn't help that I'm practically the only freak in my whole city who listens to extreme metal music.

    Anyway, a few days ago I attempted to contact this girl who I knew back in Jr high school that actually was one of the few who signed my yearbook before graduation. I know it's been well over 8-9 years since we last saw each other, but I thought she would at least be thrilled to see/speak with me again on Facebook after so many years of not speaking. To top it off, another girl told me she (the one I'm trying to contact) liked me back then, but I didn't believe her at the time so I just ignored that fact. Long story short, she fucking denies my friend request and blocks me. WHY?! What did I do to deserve such treatment when all I did was try to rekindle a lost and forgotten friendship by adding her as a Facebook friend. Did my ugly face scare her away or something?

    This is all only a small margin of how my life reeks. Every girl I attempt to throw myself at gets shot down in horrible failure. It happens everywhere I go, even on vacation.

    Apart from that, I just feel lost inside. I know I said I would commit suicide years and years ago, but I don't want to leave my parents in grief over my loss. If it wasn't for my parents caring about me, my brain would be xxxxxxxxxxxxx. That's how I want it to end if I do decide to end it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 17, 2011
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    What is considered handsome is quite subjective...the most handsome man I have known, who recently died, was 5'6", not great complection, and short gray hair, but to me he was perfect...his soul and great spirit made hime one of the most attractive ppl I have ever known...J
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i know it's prob. easier said than done but you have to learn to love yourself before anyone else can love you. i also don't focus on exterior appearance, but on the kindness and goodness in people. i doubt you're as hideous as you think you are. i don't know why your old friend rejected you on facebook, that must have hurt. i was also recently rejected by a good friend (not on facebook, but in RL). i am very sad about it but ultimately it is his loss. i extended an olive branch and was turned down. there is not really much more i can do but accept his wishes. maybe one day he will change his mind. in the meantime i will focus on my good friends. they are the ones who deserve my attention.
  4. Astaroth

    Astaroth Member

    Well here's an update. Last month I went on vacation (won't say where) and made progress with this one girl that works at the place where I was staying. Complimented her looks and made her feel really flattered, even got pictures of me and her... I saw her a year ago but was too shy to do anything, this time it was a whole different story.

    Sadly, when I returned home I felt this sudden feeling of emptiness. I felt that perhaps this girl might have been the one for me. Yet we live so far apart. Actually, it isn't THAT far but still..

    I have been wanting to move to this said place for a year now, yet when I ask my family for help they make all kinds of ridiculous excuses. I know now that the only solution is moving away. The cost of living where I live is just too expensive, and where I want to move its extremely cheap. My whole family would be better off, so I'm not just thinking of myself.

    In my last post I came across as being "self centered" toward my own problems. But the truth is my entire family is struggling with their own problems that I'd rather not go into explicit detail. My life and the life of my parents is in ruins, and I really have no clue what to do.

    I have a plan to make money off my music project, so I hope that goes according to plan.

    I have also just been suffering with this "Talking Mind" I have for ages now. My brain just doesn't know when to shut off and be quiet, and keeps feeding me negative energy.

    I get questions like:
    "What if it doesn't work out?"
    "What if this girl is with someone and was just being friendly/nice?"
    "What if she says no?"

    I just can't take it anymore. I go through this same pattern of questions with my own mind every damn day. My mind is the true definition of what insanity really is.
  5. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Theres always going to what ifs...

    If you dont try then you will never know.
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