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need some advice

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Active Member
basically long story short , im vey depressed , i tried to end it last december (failed) ive seeked help from pills to therepy etc

so anyway to the present day

i spent this evening with my ex it was lovely and shes the only thing that makes me remotely happy in this world , however , im still in love with her and i know she wont ever feel like that for me again. i know its not healthy for me to be pretending to be only friends with her , but shes the only thing keeping me from trying to end it again.

so i loose either way really.

whats your advice on this ? cause its driving me to despair. :blink:


Staff Alumni
Being friends with her, as long as you are a good friend, is not being a fraud...my only concern is that it may be stopping you from finding someone who would want you in a more intimate way...as long as you respect what she wants, it is OK, and as long as you do not live your life without trying to get what you want, it would be OK as well...these are my 2 cents...J


Active Member
i appriciate your insight , but im 21 i know thats young , but shes been my only ever gf and the only girl to ever show any interest in me. i guess im hanging on to her because im afraid there wont be another. but its been nearly a year now. just pretty lonely i guess.


Staff Alumni
Yes, you are younger, but I just do not want you to have any regrets...you will never know if the real right one is there unless you try...you can still be friends with your ex, but it does not mean you have to give up living life...that would make no sense...J


Active Member
its like a catch 22 really trapped in sadness no matter what i do. i cant go out looking for someone else if im in love with my ex , that just wouldnt be fair on the other person. but i cant stop being friends with my ex because its the last little ray of sun i have in my life. you cant honestly say a friendship can last in this situation , im either going to have to get her out of my life and be miserable or declare my love for her which is likely to end up in the same situation. :\ this is why im so flipping confused. maybe im wrong maybe we can just be friends but im skeptical. but what do i have to loose .....


Well-Known Member
I can't believe I'm saying this, but my ex is the cause of and solution to my problems. She was the first and so far only girl I've been in love with, and if I have to put it in a sentence, it's that we're on speaking terms, but we live such separate lives that we've completely drifted apart, and it eats away at my heart. I'd be lying if I said she wasn't the catalyst to my first suicide attempt after she rejected me during our romantic relationship after spending four years as friends.

I also have a friend who tried to hang himself during his freshman year of college. He has privately said to me that the reason he did it was because he felt hopelessly unrequited love. They still talk. And I am convinced that he's going to try again as soon as his ex gets back into a serious relationship and drifts apart from him. The more attention she pays to him, the happier he is. Very toxic way to live, for sure.

But I've pretty much done the same thing. I'm sure I'll hear of some happy announcement soon, and to tell the truth I'm not sure I have the coping resources to deal with it.

Anyway, all I'm trying to say is that unrequited love is very bad and difficult to cope with. If you're able to stand a platonic relationship, you're a stronger person than I am. But to love and not be loved in return is a terrible pain, which of course is exacerbated if your ex becomes involved with other people and drifts away from you. But, again, if you can stand always having a platonic relationship, then you probably aren't in much trouble.

As for advice? Well, you could do what I did. Not what my friend did, which is never say a word to her about it so she's always completely in the dark, and at this rate will be for his entire life. Lot of good that's done him. No, what I did with my ex, after we were back on speaking terms, was I told her I was still in love with her even after spending over three years without speaking to her, and she rejected me outright, but agreed we could be friends. I didn't have the insight at the time to know I was hurting myself throughout this whole thing. So one option is to tell her exactly how you feel, assuming you believe you can stand rejection. You say you know for sure that she won't feel the same way for you, but the fact that she doesn't know how you feel is painful on its own. The odd thing was that I somehow couldn't accept being rejected. I suppose part of it is like what you've described, that I had nothing else to live for.

On the other hand, if you choose to withhold your affections, it's a different story. Going by what my friend has experienced, you will retain your relationship with her, but of course only to a certain extent. It's really a matter of how much you think you can stand, because you're unfortunately right, you're pretty much going to lose either way, since what you'll always really want is to be closer to her than you can get. Are you okay with her not knowing your affections? Are you okay always having a platonic relationship? Can you cope if she's involved in a serious relationship with someone else?

I've rambled enough. I hope there was some sense in what I think was total nonsense there.
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Active Member
you basically made the most sense i have heard in a long time where the hell were you 6 months ago!!!

you have given me allot to think about , but i think i will probably take your route and try and deal with the rejection just come out and confess, because i dont think i can deal with any of the other stuff , not that i can probably handle rejection right now but maybe have a anti-suicide plan at the ready or something ....

i wish you luck in the future and hope you find what your looking for.

oh and thank you for your post/insight and for your advice.
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