When I was a lot younger my dad sexually abused me, now that I am in my 30ish not giving my exact age I have found out form a member of my dads side of the family the only one I have keep in-contact with and can actually stand that he ill and may die, I been given his number and been asked to call him I am finding it very hard at the moment to make that call, I start to dial the number or complete it and it rings may be a couple of time then I hang up. If I do speech to him what the hell should I say I find my self wishing for the day I get the knock on the door from the police to tell me he is dead. I know that not the right thing to want but I just can't seem to get over what he did to me when I was a kid and I can find it in my hart to forgive him now I think back I think a lot of the problems I have are from that time my inability to trust or let any one get close to me. If they do I end up just walking away.
It's going to be hard, but now it is time to confront him. People say all the time that we have to forgive to move on, I know it's not that easy, but confronting him, while painful, will give you some relief. You wont feel it automatically, but after the tears dry and you are alone you will feel so much stronger than you can imagine. You will find yourself thinking "I did it! I told him he hurt me, I told him what he did, and that I remember. I made him face it! I am strong." If you keep holding this in, and never confront him, you will feel no relief when he dies, only a new emptiness. Only the feeling that you didn't ever tell him how badly he had hurt you. That's so hard to live with.
I agree, you should confront him. I'm part of a SA victims support group, and one of the most common complaints I've heard is that they never got the chance to talk to their attacker. Many of them just want to tear into them, but others want to make them understand how much they hurt them, ask them questions about it, and just all together get a sense of closure, especially for those who knew their attacker. Confronting him will be hard, but I've heard testimonies about how it's helped on the healing process, and I've seen the regret of those who haven't done it. I've never confronted mine, and I know that, given the chance, I would. Even if he isn't sorry or doesn't feel bad, I would want my words in his head. I would want him to know that he may have overpowered me in that moment, but I will always be a stronger person. It's a good release to confront them. Now, you should do whatever you really want to do, but my advice is to try it. When he's gone, that source of closure is gone. It's not the only method to get over it, but I have seen it help people, even if they didn't like doing it at the time. Stay strong, whatever you choose <3
and if you cant bear to use words on the phone or in person write him a letter and send it to him or email him
