When I was a lot younger my dad sexually abused me, now that I am in my 30ish not giving my exact age I have found out form a member of my dads side of the family the only one I have keep in-contact with and can actually stand that he ill and may die, I been given his number and been asked to call him I am finding it very hard at the moment to make that call, I start to dial the number or complete it and it rings may be a couple of time then I hang up. If I do speech to him what the hell should I say I find my self wishing for the day I get the knock on the door from the police to tell me he is dead. I know that not the right thing to want but I just can't seem to get over what he did to me when I was a kid and I can find it in my hart to forgive him now I think back I think a lot of the problems I have are from that time my inability to trust or let any one get close to me. If they do I end up just walking away.