hi guys, i fear i am relapsing a little bit. could do with a bit of cheerleading. i think i am relapsing 'cos i am fantasizing about suicide alot these days. every night i curl up in bed and have a good long daydream about it. part of my problem is the recent move. in ireland i had a psych, a therapist, a mental health nurse, the guy at the hotline, and my doctor all watching out for me in some way or other. here in canada i just have me. it seems too much and i feel so alone. now i know what they mean about avoiding stress, how stress can be a trigger. i am apartment hunting, and job hunting and this little voice says to me "who would want to hire you..." and "what makes you think you deserve a fresh start..." and you know it's hard to argue with those little voices. i miss my therapist. i am trying to keep busy but i am struggling so much. i know i should probably find a doctor here and check in with him/her but i have no health insurance for the first three months and i dread sharing my story with a stranger, once again. but i guess if i did it once i could do it again. i dunno.... thanks for listening.