Need some clarification on something...

I remember being around seven years old and doing sexual things with the girl who lived next door. She was my sister's age so she must have been about 12. It's a vague memory and I cannot remember specifically if there was vaginal intercourse. My question is: does this sound like 'abuse' to you? I cannot really determine if it had any sort of negative impact on my life. But it's such a strange event in my life and I cannot help but think about it sometimes and it still confuses me. I remember being a willing participant I think. I don't think she hurt me physically.

And also, she was black (I'm white). I find myself today being more and more attracted to black girls. You think that might have something to do with it?

 

youre probably more attracted to black girls cause of it. what we experience in early age defines a part of us, has a certain impact.

as for the first question, i personally wouldn't say it's abuse, since kids discover these things in the age 5-10. unless it was forced. hm, though she was older, she was still a kid. *shrugs*

 

And it also makes me wonder if she was sexually abused. Because I know that often times children who are sexually abused do the same to other younger children.

GAH this is such a confusing time for me. This combined with learning that my mother was sexually abused as a child and suspecting that my sister was as well... I can't stop thinking about it and wondering about every little aspect of it all.

I've discovered that nothing makes me angrier than the mistreatment of children. The stolen innocence of children... My life and my sisters' lives could have turned out so much better if we had been treated better...

 

Without a doubt.

If you don't feel you were harmed by it, I wouldn't label it abuse. Doing so will probably make you feel worse about it.

 

here's how wikipedia distinguishes between child on child abuse, and a more normal playing doctor or exploring type scenario:

Child-on-child sexual abuse refers to a form of child sexual abuse in which a prepubescent child is sexually abused by one or more other children or adolescent youths, and in which no adult is directly involved. The term describes sexual activity between children that occurs without consent, without equality, or as a result of coercion.[1] This includes when one of the children uses physical force, threats, trickery or emotional manipulation to elicit cooperation. Child-on-child sexual abuse is further differentiated from normative sexual play or anatomical curiosity and exploration (i.e. "playing doctor") because of overt and deliberate actions directed at sexual stimulation or orgasm.[2] In many instances, the initiator exploits the other child's naïveté, and the victim is unaware of the nature of what is happening to them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child-on-child_sexual_abuse

i'd ask yourself what the legacy has been...has it affected your sexuality in anyway, do you self harm, are you suicidal, how is your self esteem... if there is damage to your outlook now then yes, it was probably abuse.

i was also abused by another child starting when i was 9. my therapist thinks we were both previously sexually abused, and that is why we turned to each other to explore in age-inappropriate ways.

a good therapist can help you explore this topic. it's more common than you think and if it has you wondering at all it is worth talking about it with a professional. good luck.

 

Thank you for the responses.

And yes, I have been suicidal on and off for years now and I have been dealing with depression and I have self-harmed before. Whether or not there's any sort of correlation, I'm not sure.

Luckily though I have my first meeting with a psychiatrist next week.

 

I did sexual things with my sister from the age of 6 until I was 12. Not too fun if you ask me. It just screws up your mind.