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Need some honest advice please

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Hi everyone. I am new here and I am hoping that someone would still be able to help me out.

I have been in a steady relationship for the past 9 years and suddenly, out of the blue, my boyfriend decided to break up with me.
At first, he said that it's because he needed some time for himself to improve his life.
He said he wanted a year off, no communication and that we can talk again after a year.

We decided to talk about it again after a week but I accidentally ran into him with a girl.
I asked him who she was and he said that she was just his office mate.
After a lot of prodding, he finally admitted that he liked the girl and that he no longer loves me.

We still haven't officially broken up yet, we still haven't talked face to face about our situation.
I'm feeling very desperate and I told him that I wanted to **** myself. He got angry and said that if I do that, it will just make people sad and everyone will get angry at him.
I recently started cutting myself again.
I don't want to lose him because I still love him very much.
I don't know what to do anymore.
He said he's sure that he wants out but I am still hoping that we could reach a compromise.

Any comment or advice would really be helpful. I just dont have anyone else to talk to. He was my best friend...

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Hi hun only thing if he would do it would get some couple coucilling see if opening up to each other with a professional to guide you if that will help
If not hun then it is time to move on okay He has made his decision and you do not want to live with someone that cannot recipricate you love right Please know there is someone else out there that will be better then him even hun
hugs to you


Staff Alumni
Hi Doubtful,

Your ex has moved on, and so you should. If he told you that he is sure that what he wants is to break of, take it at face value. You worth better than being his spare tire in case it does not work with the new girl. To ask you to put the relationship on hold for a year was pretty unfair and dishonest to begin with. Take care of yourself, focus on your own life and what you want (beside him), force yourself to go out and do fun thing. Dont call him, dont talk to him, dont try to work things out. It will just makes things harder on you, and slow down how fast you will get over grieving the relationship. It will be hard in the beginning but it will get better and eventually, you will be emotionally available to meet somebody who truly cares about you.


Well-Known Member
Hi hun i am in a similar situation only it's me thats broken it off. He obviously wants out and as the others have said u need to take time to grieve the loss of relationship but u will find someone else. Find some hobbies so u can meet new ppl. I would be asking wether anything was going on before the break.


Well-Known Member
It's hard to accept when a relationship is over, took me 4 years after my ex ended our relationship, but i hear it's much easier with friends and family around to help.
I think the best thing to do, is what everyone else is saying and to move on, distract yourself with hobbies and friends and avoid him.
The road to recovery for the broken hearted is a long one...well it was for me anyway.
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