Need some support

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MikeTRobot, Jun 17, 2013.

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  1. MikeTRobot

    MikeTRobot Active Member

    Since I was a teenager i've battled depression, drug addiction and general lack of self-esteem, and i've seen more than my share of pain. I was born with birth defects and had to have many surgeries when I was an infant that lead to horrible nightmares of the hospital to this day. When I was 19 a ex-girlfriends suicide and then getting dumped by my first love triggered a attempt to take my own life, however it failed and i've been doing my hardest to never get back to those days again. It hasn't been easy, i've been good for sometimes several years but depression creeps back into my life always. Sometimes I feel like my life is destined to end by my own hand and some days I feel like I'm still here for a reason. A few months ago someone who I really loved and cared about betrayed me in the worst way possible. I cut them out of my life entirely but they still do things to hurt me and what I found out on Saturday turned out to be another betrayal that hurts me so bad that I can't breathe sometimes and I feel like there is a weight on my chest. The pain makes me throw up and I know that I'm going down this same terrible road. I don't have that many people I can turn to these days, my problems are serious and they would be a serious burden to the few people I have left who I care about. I need advice, how can I get myself out of this painful place?
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just wanted to say hi, and welcome to the forum. :) I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now, but I hope we can help, even just by offering friendship and support.
     
  3. MikeTRobot

    MikeTRobot Active Member

    thanks, i really need some friends right now.
     
  4. Ocarina of Time

    Ocarina of Time Active Member

    Hi and welcome to the forums. You've been through alot just like most of us so you're not alone here :) For your question, I believe there are many answers. So I can only tell you my opinion.
    1. Keep those people you care about close, I'm sure most of them will be willing to talk to you about anything.
    2. Find things that can make you happy. Such as talking to friendly people, buying things you like, listening to music you love, etc. In my case I bought one of my favorite things from my childhood recently and I still can't stop holding it.
    3. Don't hold anything in. If you've had a bad day, talk about it with someone.

    Well these are just what I can pull off the top of my head, but I think you understand. Hang in there ok. At the end of the day all any of us ever has is ourselves. It's always about looking out for numero uno! :)
     
  5. MikeTRobot

    MikeTRobot Active Member

    Well honestly I don't have to many people i'm close enough to talk to about these issues anymore. For various reasons ive pushed people out of my life.

    What'd you buy recently from your childhood if you dont mind me asking?
     
  6. Ocarina of Time

    Ocarina of Time Active Member

    Hmmm :\ Well you still have me and many of the other kind people of the forums willing to listen and talk :)

    It was some yu-gi-oh cards (The old originals) it took some money of my pocket. I still play the game itself :)
     
  7. MikeTRobot

    MikeTRobot Active Member

    Thats cool. I also like alot of old video games and stuff. They remind me of happier times.
     
  8. Ocarina of Time

    Ocarina of Time Active Member

    Yup, good old nostalgia seems to do the job :) it's always the good care free times I like to remember and always try to recreate.
     
  9. MikeTRobot

    MikeTRobot Active Member

    Ya, unfortunately its only temporary. Any tips on trying to fall asleep when your very depressed?
     
  10. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi. I am really sorry to hear that you have been through so much since... well birth. I understand what you are saying when you wrote "Sometimes I feel like my life is destined to end by my own hand and some days I feel like I'm still here for a reason." I often feel the same things. I hope you never take your own life. Because you will never then get to find out the purpose or reason. And personally, I do think there is one.

    There is a buddy thread here. People find buddys. I think that might be something to consider. But just posting a lot here can help. You will get to know people here. You can talk and vent and be honest about how you feel. AND you can get support. For some people this is a very important source of support. A place where we can come and say what we cannot say anywhere else in life. This can be a great gift.

    I am glad you are here. And I hope you will make this your community !!
     
  11. MikeTRobot

    MikeTRobot Active Member

    Thank you. I'm really confused right now. I don't know if i could be responsible for anyone else.
     
  12. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    oh but you do not have to be responsible for anyone else. Just be here. Just talk. Sometimes we do not have the strength to do anything but that. And during those times, that is absolutly enough :hug:
     
  13. MikeTRobot

    MikeTRobot Active Member

    Well I want to turn over a new leaf and become a new man but this feeling of overwhelming anxiety won't go away. And I can't stop thinking about things. Or accidentally seeing something that reminds me of a painful memory.
     
  14. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    sometimes anxiety can only be truly resolved when we no longer hide the "painful memories". Often this can be done carefully and safely with the help of a professional. Turning over "a new leaf" .... becoming a new man can be a process. Its often a journey. Perhaps you are embarking on this journey. While it may not be easy, it is well worth it. I hope these words help some. Please feel free to talk about whatever you want here.
     
  15. fallenangel

    fallenangel Member

    Dear friends,

    I want to encourage us all to be brave and step out of depression as it is a really sad place to be if we dwell in it long enough...

    We must be courageous to identify that living in self-pity is a lie, and we really have to toughen up to move on.
    The idle mind is the Devil's play ground, and why subject ourselves to torment emotionally...

    Think positive thoughts and keep yourself occupied with positive stuffs...
    Step out of bed and head out in the morning and look at how beautiful the world is...
    Uplift yourself with happy thoughts and do things which facilitate that

    Keeping yourself physically active is a good start.. A 30 minutes walk through a park in the day is uplifting...
     
  16. MikeTRobot

    MikeTRobot Active Member

    Thank you, today was a lot better although things happened that I wish hadn't, but I handled myself without breaking down or falling apart. That's a victory. Thank you guys for the support I think ill stick around here for a little until I feel like these thoughts completely go away.

    I also think its important to remember that God helps those who help themselves. Something I always try to believe in.
     
  17. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    fallenangel, I do appreciate that you have found what you are able to do. Although not all people are able to do what you recommended. I think maybe its important to be careful that we do not suggest a forumula for how people can essentually snap out of it or pull it together. Often that is advice people get irl from well meaning others. And it causes them to feel more isolated alone and unheard than before. Wishing you best
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 19, 2013
  18. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I like your style Mike. Please keep posting !
     
  19. MikeTRobot

    MikeTRobot Active Member

    Thank you flowers. I like to think of the poor dog who's owner kicks him, but then still waits at the door each night wagging his tail. People pity the dog, the dumb animal never learning to hate the one who hurts him. But I don't pity the dog, I love him, I understand him and his strange inability to give up hope. I pity the owner instead, someone who takes out their pain on those who don't deserve it.

    My point is that although we may all be the victims, we don't have to stop hoping because other hurt us badly.
     
  20. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    yes. And we then do not let the abuser steal the most important thing we have. Hope. The ability to still see the light. Dogs are amazing because they usually have such loving hearts. I think of them as quadraped angels.

    I am glad you have not lost connection to your very essence. Your hope. I think these are the very things that can carry us through the worst of times. And also community. But you have that here :)
     
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