Since I was a teenager i've battled depression, drug addiction and general lack of self-esteem, and i've seen more than my share of pain. I was born with birth defects and had to have many surgeries when I was an infant that lead to horrible nightmares of the hospital to this day. When I was 19 a ex-girlfriends suicide and then getting dumped by my first love triggered a attempt to take my own life, however it failed and i've been doing my hardest to never get back to those days again. It hasn't been easy, i've been good for sometimes several years but depression creeps back into my life always. Sometimes I feel like my life is destined to end by my own hand and some days I feel like I'm still here for a reason. A few months ago someone who I really loved and cared about betrayed me in the worst way possible. I cut them out of my life entirely but they still do things to hurt me and what I found out on Saturday turned out to be another betrayal that hurts me so bad that I can't breathe sometimes and I feel like there is a weight on my chest. The pain makes me throw up and I know that I'm going down this same terrible road. I don't have that many people I can turn to these days, my problems are serious and they would be a serious burden to the few people I have left who I care about. I need advice, how can I get myself out of this painful place?