Need some sympathy

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Tam, Sep 11, 2009.

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  1. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    I've just managed to get through seeing three different new therapists in the space of three days, and not one of them has shown even a slight glimmer that they had any notion of the stuff I was talking about (feeling really bad about myself and wanting help to deal with all those shit feelings) - and now I'm sitting here feeling really bad, really hopeless, really scared.

    Really scared because if I can't get help from so-called professionals, and I haven't been able to help myself after all these years what the hell is there left? I can’t live like this anymore, and while I think there’s a chance someone can help, ok I can go on, but right now having three different people show pretty clearly that they’re not going to help (I’d like to say ‘not going to be able to help’ but that’s not what it feels like) is spinning me right out. And that fear is the familiar old blackness, the wall of blackness ahead, the isolation, the loneliness, the alienation, the sense of being so fucked up that I’m beyond help, born like this die like this.

    And I feel really defeated and despairing, because I’ve been here so many times before - all full of hope thinking that someone is finally going to understand - and then they don’t and I feel like I’m some kind of alien, abnormal, not human, like everything I feel isn’t normal, isn’t what normal people feel and so normal people don’t understand. And worse, I feel judged - like I’m making it all up, like it’s not genuine.

    What do I have to do - swing from the chandeliers, prove that I’m desperate, prove that really yes I am human these feelings are human feelings, human beliefs, human thoughts? And how can I prove that when everyone else thinks otherwise? I’m not the only seeing-person in the country of the blind - it’s the other way around.

    Sorry I’ve really rabbitted on here and maybe it doesn’t make any sense, but I can feel it all starting to get terrifying again and ok I can live with bad feelings but I can’t deal with the fear.

    Tam
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    but you not makin it up tis what you feel and live with. so many people here can understand that. too many professionals only know what they elarned in a bok. hun when the sesion dont work come and post here get it out poeple here undertan and truly do want to help you through anyweay they can.
     
  3. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Thanks Itmahanh,

    I think you're right about lots of professionals only knowing what they learned in a book -though you'd think they'd have learned something from the people they treat.

    All three of the ones I talked to used the word 'magic wand' like it's what I was asking for, like it doesn't exist and what started to scare me was that I was thinking, but you DO have a magic wand it's called UNDERSTANDING and SYMPATHY!!!

    Had hoped I'd feel better this morning when I woke up but I'm not sure. Maybe feel a bit less freaked out because I've been able to post here and feel that maybe someone's listening. I think I'd feel a whole lot better if I knew that other people had felt this scared, had felt like they weren't being heard and how that made them feel.

    Tam
     
  4. elleanne

    elleanne Well-Known Member

    Mental health `professionals` often are driven by particular `targets` (ie: preventing persistant re-admission as an in patient). Unfortunately, on the whole, they don`t see you as you, they see a statistic, a case, a risk. (I`m talking about the NHS)
    There can often be other people out there (National counselling service, specific-issue counselling services) which are available in specific areas. These are self-referals, so it gives the `client` (you) a whole lot more choice.
    I dunno, I`m assuming you`re in the UK.
    Yes, it is horrible when you`re asking for help and geting nowhere, so I can relate to that.
    elleanne
     
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Wow you actually figured out what I wrote? Well I understand the fear of not getting the help or being heard. And what makes it worse is that you finally decide to go and get the help that everyone else tells you to reach out for. That everyone else tells you is available. But when you get the courage up to take the step, you are met with emptiness. Deaf ears. All from someone that is supposed to help you. Sometimes I feel like why does everyone else seem to find the professionals that really do get it and I get the test guinea pigs???
    But hun please keep posting. It does help. It gives your pains a voice. And it is heard here. And for once you can feel you arent alone with all that is hurting you. For once you can really talk about it and show it for what it is. Something that is important enough to you that you feel it's pain. You can talk and others know what you are saying. You arent judged by a bunch of people that couldnt ever understand. Hope you stay and keep letting others know what is going on even if just for the sake of putting it out there. Then maybe the professional help will take hold and help you as well.
     
  6. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hey thanks Itmahanh. Really thanks for that!

    Tam
     
  7. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    Don't judge yourself so harshly based on these mental health professionals failure to understand you. Many of them are clueless. I had one after my last breakdown when my mom died and I may as well had talked to a statue out in the park. Many of them are textbook. I got a lot of Christians and I'm not Christian, so they had no clue as to the type of spiritual things I was talking about. Another handed me a book on Zen Buddhism and told me to read it. I was so out of it, I couldn't even fill out a standard form let alone read a book on something I had no interest in.

    But perservere, there are many of us who do understand you and the pain and frustration you feel. Since I've come here, I've felt better than speaking to my therapist. No offense to her, but it's nice to have people really and truly understand.

    Chaeya
     
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