As the title suggests, I don't have anyone in my life that I can be completely candid with. It's funny that I can't even share what I'm feeling with my therapist since they have to report you for suicidal thoughts. My parents like to live in a fantasy and pretend that nothing is wrong when I think it's pretty obvious that I have some level of depression and alcoholism. Their lack of awareness makes me not want to confide in them. My brother is emotionally distant, and I don't want to burden my friends with any of my emotional baggage. So here I am. I'm 27 years old and my lack of a personal life is really getting me down. I feel trapped here. My friends are all slowly moving away or have moved on with their lives (meeting significant others, moving, kids, marriages) and even my own brother has moved away, leaving me alone here at the house most of the time. I still live with my family. Trying to buy a place in Hawaii is outrageously expensive. I'm considering renting. I'm thankful that I at least make enough to live on my own if I had to, though there wouldn't be much room for saving or fun. I feel different from everybody. I feel unlikeable/unlovable and that nobody will ever want to be with me. When I'm in social situations, I have an incredible amount of anxiety and I either end up saying something rude to make people go away or appear unapproachable so people won't talk to me in the first place. Of course, I don't really get invited to many things. Also, this has obviously impacted my love life. Zero experience in all areas. I feel that I've missed my chance and that by the time I make any improvements (which I don't believe that I can) I will already be so old that it won't matter. Social interactions are a large part of the human experience, and that's something that I just can't get right. So, I'm always swaying back and forth about whether to end my life. I realize that I have it better than a lot of people. But that doesn't change the feeling of crippling anxiety and sadness that comes over me pretty regularly. It's as if someone held a lecture/class on how to be a normal human being, and I missed the invitation. I feel like I wasn't equipped with the right set of skills to navigate social situations. I also feel that I missed many of life's rights of passage that I should have gone through in my youth. So recently I just end up angry and wanting to hurt someone so I remove myself from the situation and drink until I fall asleep. I figure since I didn't ask to be here, I shouldn't have to ask to leave right? Yet I feel guilty about thinking of suicide. Anyway, I'm stuck and I'd appreciate some advice or kind words.