Need Someone to Listen

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by NA808, Sep 25, 2016.

  1. NA808

    NA808 New Member

    As the title suggests, I don't have anyone in my life that I can be completely candid with. It's funny that I can't even share what I'm feeling with my therapist since they have to report you for suicidal thoughts. My parents like to live in a fantasy and pretend that nothing is wrong when I think it's pretty obvious that I have some level of depression and alcoholism. Their lack of awareness makes me not want to confide in them. My brother is emotionally distant, and I don't want to burden my friends with any of my emotional baggage. So here I am.

    I'm 27 years old and my lack of a personal life is really getting me down. I feel trapped here. My friends are all slowly moving away or have moved on with their lives (meeting significant others, moving, kids, marriages) and even my own brother has moved away, leaving me alone here at the house most of the time. I still live with my family. Trying to buy a place in Hawaii is outrageously expensive. I'm considering renting. I'm thankful that I at least make enough to live on my own if I had to, though there wouldn't be much room for saving or fun.

    I feel different from everybody. I feel unlikeable/unlovable and that nobody will ever want to be with me. When I'm in social situations, I have an incredible amount of anxiety and I either end up saying something rude to make people go away or appear unapproachable so people won't talk to me in the first place. Of course, I don't really get invited to many things. Also, this has obviously impacted my love life. Zero experience in all areas. I feel that I've missed my chance and that by the time I make any improvements (which I don't believe that I can) I will already be so old that it won't matter. Social interactions are a large part of the human experience, and that's something that I just can't get right.

    So, I'm always swaying back and forth about whether to end my life. I realize that I have it better than a lot of people. But that doesn't change the feeling of crippling anxiety and sadness that comes over me pretty regularly. It's as if someone held a lecture/class on how to be a normal human being, and I missed the invitation. I feel like I wasn't equipped with the right set of skills to navigate social situations. I also feel that I missed many of life's rights of passage that I should have gone through in my youth. So recently I just end up angry and wanting to hurt someone so I remove myself from the situation and drink until I fall asleep.

    I figure since I didn't ask to be here, I shouldn't have to ask to leave right? Yet I feel guilty about thinking of suicide. Anyway, I'm stuck and I'd appreciate some advice or kind words.
  2. TonyHill

    TonyHill Well-Known Member

    Theres nothing wrong with you,its just that you didnt found the right person/s.And we you are around other people you feel that way cause they are usually boring and you just dont get intersted,and they rejected you for that.But they are wrong,not you,until you found the right ambient to talk and the right person that make you feel free.
    Im there to,I know what it feels,but hang on in there,you are not alone.
  3. alphonso

    alphonso Member

    I can definitely relate on being alone and not having experience in relationships. I'm 33 and I'm so alone I end up self loathing most of the time. Just know you are not alone in the way you feel. Stay strong
  4. Flaxney

    Flaxney Well-Known Member

    I, too, have difficulty forming meaningful relationships with people. I've been without friends for a decade but people simply aren't interested in interacting with me. So I do my best to focus on things that I can control, such as developing knowledge and pursuing physical fitness. I feel that people will not take an interest if you cannot offer them something, such as stimulating conversation or access to resources of some sort. Maybe you need to wean yourself off of your dependency on validation through social interaction. While it may be an important part of the human experience to feel that you are part of a social unit, it doesn't seem to be a realistic goal for some people, such as myself. Unfortunately the only way to deal with social anxiety, or at least in my experience as this is how I overcame my own crippling disability, is to interact with people and expose yourself to situations that make you feel uncomfortable. Eventually your comfort zone will expand and your fear will lessen. Perhaps you could try signing up with and joining groups that share your interests. You could also consider charity work of some sort, that way you will be contributing to the greater good of society and perhaps you might find people to converse with.
  5. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I think it's very difficult to meet people when you're an adult. I went through that, when I was younger I was part of a group of people who all ended up going their own ways. They weren't really friends anyway. I'm an introvert and was never really interested in being social, but as an adult, you either have work friends or old friends...that's my opinion. Also, I was alone for about 20 years and I only started my first serious relationship when I was 45, so 27 isn't too old by a long shot.
  6. DarthBrett

    DarthBrett Lone warrior against his demons

    I'm 34, am married and never felt so alone in my life. I too have severe anxiety and depression. I think about suicide daily, multiple times a day. I can be an ear to listen as someone who's fighting a similar battle. Feel free to message me if you need someone to listen.
    Take care!
  7. franksuxx

    franksuxx Member

    If you need someone I'm right here. I don't want to feel alone too.