I'm depressed. And I know you've probably read this a hundred times before. I strongly suspect I have avoidant personality disorder. It always starts with school. I delude myself that I'll be normal enough for other people to like me, but I never am. I can feel the condescending and sympathetic looks I get whenever I try to "blend in" and just talk to people. It's almost too much to bear. I feel like I'm worthless. I never can say the right words, almost all of my conversations end in awkward silences and I watch as the person I'm talking to thinks of ways to excuse themselves from me. That's why I'm always alone. Being alone in crowds hurts the worst, everything reminds me of how alone and pathetic I am. And see? Here I am whining about how pathetic I am. That's how sad everything is. This started a couple of years ago. And I've attempted once to end it all, when I got sectioned with a clique that had superiority complex. I was used, and I never got to hear the end of the backstabbing and laughter behind my back. I remember when one of them asked me if it was true that I currently came out of a drug rehab center, and if I used drugs. And another thing, this is something that I've never shared with anybody ever before. I strongly think I'm bi. And that makes me feel so bad though I don't know why. Now the cycle's starting all over again. I'm losing my drive, my appetite. I'm lucky if I get 5 hours of restful sleep. I often wake up crying, though I can never figure out why. I'm not on the verge of suicide, and I don't want to go down that road again if I can help it. That's why I'm here.