For some reason the feeling of being separated from the person I am trying to talk to by a veil of anonymity is comforting. I dont know why I have lied to you, but here is the truth. I was in the military for 8 years, I was never deployed so I don't have the PTSD some soldiers get after a conflict. I have tried to talk to my wife about my feelings, but it never goes well. I have not talked to a health professional about these feelings of mine nor have I contacted a hospital. I have had 23 attempts, without success, in my lifetime. I feel I am a coward, a useless human being, and a mistake on my family. I have no future plans because I cant see past today. Nothing would please me more than to release this pain in my heart, but if I knew how to do that I wouldn't be writing this. I thought writing this might make me feel better but it actually made me feel worse. Sorry about the novel, just thought getting this into the open might help.