Need something. Not sure what.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Tin-Tin, Jan 1, 2009.

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  1. Tin-Tin

    Tin-Tin New Member


    I apologize for my first post on this site to be ...this. I uhm...I dunno what else to try. The drugs, working out, stress management, I have to say...I'm kinda wondering if anything is going to help. I shouldn't even be depressed, you know? I have a nice family, and a wonderful fiance, I'm not homeless or jobless, anything that I can work into my mind to make me feel this way. Sure money is tight, my health is not my best quality, and I don't know what the word vacation means. That's just life though, in this country, that's it's laid out for me. Lately I've been feeling very lost....kind of wrong. And entertainingly enough I have lots of friends and a boy who is willing to listen, but how do I explain to them that I can't talk to them? I'm the strong friend who does for everyone else and vanishes into the back ground when she's no longer needed. I like it that way, I think? Lately's been on my mind. To just drop everything and fall asleep one night. Not have to carry everything by myself...not have to always be the responsible person and be constantly running around. I guess it's just one of those things...I wish someone could visit me at home for once...and I wouldn't have to go there. Or someone else could drive the group places and I could relax in the backseat. Still these things are not a reason to think about...this. It's probably my depression. It's been rooted in pretty deep since I was about eight. I don't know what to say. I just hope someone has those...magic words. That magic phrase that's supposed to make this stop. all of the random people who read this. Thanks for listening.
  2. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Hi there,

    First off welcome to SF! Please don't apologise, 1st post is always the most daunting.

    I totally relate to your post, I often think I have no right to be depressed as I have a good job, house, car etc. But then my cpn pointed out that depression is an illness & if it was a matter of pulling yourself together then I would have done it a long time ago.

    I really would advise you to let your friends & family know how you are feeling. I didn't/haven't told anyone about my depression as I stupidly assumed it would 'go away', needless to say several years later I am still struggling & they are none the wiser. They all see me as the strong & dependable one & sure on the outside I might give that impression but inside I am literally falling apart & they don't have a clue. Sometimes I think they must know something is not right with me but it's not happened yet, so I keep it all bottled up & it gets harder & harder to deal with. I wouldn't like to see anyone go down the same route.

    Are you currently on any meds or receiving any professional support?

    I don't have any magic words that will make you better but you are not alone in how you are feeling, we are all here to listen & if you ever need anything feel free to PM me.

    Claire xx
  3. Tin-Tin

    Tin-Tin New Member

    Thanks Claire...I was on prozac and cymbalta about a year back but I stopped taking was worse then being without meds. Now my doctor is talking about lithium...funfun. I can't afford a shrink...I have 'barely there health insurance.'

    I literally can't talk about's not an option. I'm the one everyone else goes to. You know? I'm the rock. Although the rocks is cracking and turning to mud. It's the only thing I have that I'm proud of...I don't think I can let it go...
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm glad you found SF, Tin-Tin. Welcome!

    I'm so sorry to hear that the world is weighing heavily on your shoulders at the moment. You sound like a strong person, but even strong people need others sometimes and its OK that they do.

    Since you don't have insurance, is any counseling available from a church or a local non-profit agency?

    It isn't unusual for it to be hard to open up to others. Maybe when you've hung about here for a while you will be able to post and get things off your chest. Lots of supportive people around here, too, who will befriend you.

    Keep reading and posting here. I'm sure it will help you feel less alone in the struggles you are facing. I hope you feel better soon. :hug:

  5. Tin-Tin

    Tin-Tin New Member

    Thank you Acy. Unfortunately I don't follow any specific religion and therefor would not feel right about taking advantage of a church...I will check for non-profit...I didn't think anyone did that.
  6. ~Serendipity~

    ~Serendipity~ Active Member

    Hi TinTin

    Sounds to me like you are in need of YOU time. I used to be the one that would run around after everyone else, listen to all their problems, was there for friends through their divorces, giving lifts to others etc. I was always living around other peoples agendas, fitting in around the times that suited everyone other than myself. After my mom killed herself it was like having the biggest punch in the face ... I realised that this is what she did !!! and it was certainly a wake up call, it was NOT going to happen to me.

    I changed everything and stopped being Mrs reliable all the time. I still keep in touch with the friends that matter and I choose to do what I want when it suits me now with my new friends (since emigrated to Australia). I doesnt mean that you have to become an inward, selfish shallow person by any means, you just do not run around after everyone anymore because although you think you like it that way I bet you feel used at times and this then leads to resentment that can eat away at you on the bad days and on a good day it makes you feel petty, you feel you cant win.

    Start small by inviting the person to whose house you would visit round to yours for a cuppa or say to them why dont you pop to mine for a change. Next time you are asked to do the driving, say could someone else drive this time ... you will not be thought of any less by them because of this (and if they do tell em to piss off, they are not the sort you need in your life) but it will certainly make a difference to how you feel about things ... you are taking back some control in your life !!

    These little changes can certainly make a whole world of difference. It doesnt happen overnight but taking back that little bit of yourself, bit by bit, empowers you, makes you feel you are someone again.

    I hope you can see where I am coming from and that I may have helped in someway. I wish you all the best ... believe in yourself :smile:
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Depression doesn't need a reason to exist. It just is sometimes and it really doesn't care whom it hits. I am sorry it had to choose you. If you really feel strongly aboutothers taking their turn doing things, then you do have to let them know it is what you want. Everyone is so accustomed to you always doing it maybe they think it is what you want. They can't know otherwise if you don't tell them. Maybe opening up to us here about some of your feelings will help you open up to others around you. I am sure there are those that would support you if you gave them the chance. The hardest thing to do is trust someone else.
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with Gentle Lady. You need to let others know that you don't want to drive all the time, and invite them to your home. Maybe have a lunchoun at your home that would be a good start. You don't have to carry others all the time.My therapist is always telling me to be more assertive because I just go with the flow. Maybe that is what you need to do yourself. You are not alone, there are a lot of people here on the forum. You stick around and you will meet new friends. I cherish everyone here that I have talked to because they care about what you are going thru. It's time for someone else to take responsibility. Talk to you later, I hope???~Joseph~
  9. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I understand what you mean about being 'the rock' but recently i have come to realise that no matter how proud you are of being the one people always turn to and no matter how much you don't want them to see that you can't help them right now, it is very important to take time for yourself to think, to talk to them. I'm sure if you open up to them and tell them how you are feeling you will be suprised to find that they are more helpful than you might think. It's worth a try. If they are real friends they won't mind you being the one needing a rock.
    Also, as far as therapy goes, i'm not sure about where you are, but here in the UK there are a couple of non-profit therapist centres around. Have a look into it see what you can find out.
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Tin-Tin,

    Welcome to the forums. I hope you receive the help and support you need here.

    I hope you felt better after letting that out. Talking helps.

    If you don't feel comfortable talking to your friends about this, maybe contact the samaritans or befrienders. They won't judge you and will listen :hug:

    I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

    Wish you well, Lynn :heart:
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