**need to be punished**

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Marshmallow, Dec 4, 2006.

  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Hmmm well i know i shouldn't really be around here but ranting seems to help me alot right now, so here goes....

    I've been feeling shitty the last few days, last night i ended up burning myself again. Seems to have become a habbit of mine. Got a few bad marks on my arms, that seem to be taking a long time to go away :cry: I was feeling like doing it again so i thought it would be best if i went to sleep then at least i couldn't do anything. So i left a message for someone on msn, and it was taken the wrong way.

    Come on SF this morning and read a post :sad: called someone straight after seeing the thread :sad: found out someone i REALLY care about has been up worried about me all night :sad:

    I feel sooooooooo guilty about it, words can't even describe how bad i've been feeling today, been soo damn tempted to burn again and right now im REALLY tempted and i dunno what to do.

    Apart of me feels that i should be punished, be punished for who i am. I don't like myself at all and i don't understand why people say they like me, even love me! i don't see that there's anything to like or love about me, i just don't get it :sad:

    Need to be punsihed for hurting people...

    for worrying people...

    for being me...


    I NEED TO BE!!! :cry:
  2. we all make mistakes and it is a very big problem with msn that people take what is said the wrong way with how the sender means it to be read. if it happens it isn't something that you deserved to be punished for because it is a high risk of it happening. at least the person you sent it to knows that you were safe.
  3. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    hun, I'm talking to you on MSN right now. Please do not feel guilty, I woulda probably been up all night also if there was nothing to worry about, you know how I barely sleep during the nights :hug:

    Please do not feel guilty, there is no need to and I know you can do without the cutting sweetie, I know you can! I and many others have lots of faith in you and you should have faith in yourself too, we love you and care for you and I just wish you would start to love and care for yourself too, cos you are so worth it.

    Love you to bits,

  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Thats the point hun, i don't think i am worth it, i don't think im worth the air im breathing right now, and you shouldn't feel i am :sad:
  5. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    sweetheart, but you ARE worth it and I'm not the only one thinking that! You need to work on your selfesteem, cos it's WAY too low! :sad: :sad:

    I love ya. and many others here do. We care and don't want you to do anything stupid. :arms: :arms:
  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I know its low, but i can't do anything about. All my life i've been made to feel like that and all my life i've believe it and i doubt thats gonne change. There are soo many other people who deserve so much more than me. I feel im bad and i need to be punished and burning, cutting and ODing is my way of doing that.
  7. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Hush hun Hush :hug: :hug: :hug:

    Be still and be comforted
  8. LSD

    LSD Well-Known Member

    agree- and with everybody else..

    *hugs* don't that way -__- rapers and killer might be punished not you..-
    you seem a nice and gentle person ^^-- pft.. you need to be praised for being you.. not punished
  9. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    need to cut. need to burn.

    I need it.

    told my teacher who I trust about the burning and she kinda had a go at me, yeah because that made me feel awhole lot better!! then she threatened to tell my mum!! I'm fucking 19 years old!! a fucking adult and a teacher iv know and trusted for 3 years want to run off and tell my mum, fuck u!!!

    wanna do it soo badly!!

    think ima go back to the oding, that gets me out of this whole thing without the scars, yeah gonna go get some pills later, I need it. I need to soooo bad!!