need to drink (trigger?)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by hammockmonkey, May 14, 2007.

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  1. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    i need a drink so bad I'm rinsing my bottles of johnny out and drinking the water. it kind of tastes like whisky. Sad, I know. I'm just too poor right now to buy anything. I can't face something like AA, facing people about drinking . . . . Fuck at my age I should be proud that I can put down a bottle and ask for more. When I try and hang out with old friends it always ends up that we drink, I never want to drink as much as I do. As soon as I start the "just one beer." "Baby I'll get to you after I finish this drink." Turns into drinking and finding another bar, what you want to call it quits? Fucking fags get away from me you god damn pussies! Then I piss myself and collapse in the street.

    I don't want to drink so why do I feel like I need it?
  2. SeemsPerfect

    SeemsPerfect Guest

    I understand what you mean and I respect you for asking yourself about what's triggering it. What's up though? There has to be something there that's like the driving force.

    I'll be honest w/ you -- for me it's severe stress and self-consciousness. I've sat in a dark room by myself w/ bottles of vodka, beer, whatever. It'll be the middle of the night and the last thing I want to see is morning b/c I know its gonna be another day of BS.

    Outside of the physiological response, I think when you find what you're running away from you'll find the trigger. Just my humble opinion, that's all.

    By the way, AA isn't a bad thing to look into. It's kinda like this site b/c its a group of people who understand each other on a level that the rest of the world will NEVER understand. Going isn't a sign of weakness -- its a huge sign of strength. Again, just my opinion.

    Hope today was a better day. PM if you ever wanna talk or anything.
  3. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I don't go to bars - I hate bars - I do my drinking at home by myself but it brings the same worries: why do I feel I NEED it?? I'm obviously lacking in something but I'm afraid to find out what it is, or to even ask myself that question. It scares me but I find myself doing it anyway, every day.:sad:
  4. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    I hate bars. Until I'm drunk. Then I hate everyone in the bar. Epsecially all those pretty girls and guys. I'm a bad drunk, unless I'm alone. Then I don't get angry I get sad, sad that I'm drinking alone. But that still feels better most of the time.
  5. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    Everytime I drink I end up doing the same shit. . . I end up getting blasted and into some kind of fight. The next day I can only remember bits and pieces of what happened. I remember that I punched someone in the face, that I got punched. I remember that I was surrounded and that I was being pulled off by some people. I know that my friend got punched and I acted, but I'm totally embarassed at how I actd. Now I know I can't go and hang out with anyone, probably again. Why the fuck do I keep drinking even when I know I don't want to? FUCK ME.
  6. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    Well for me yes i drink nothing wrong with that even if i'm not at the big 2-1 spot but who cares. Its hard to say it your self that it no more for me..but that hard cause who want to drown your sorrows into that beer or whatever your drinking. If you want to talk more feel free to pm me hun :hug:
  7. imheretohelp

    imheretohelp Member

    i understand what you mean, from what youre saying i guess your under-aged. i used to lose control of all kinds of stuff when i was a underaged drunk.
    i would say oh im only having a knaggin(250ml) of vodka, then i would lose control and start drinking huge amounts of beer and cider. one time i ended up at my friends house party when i was 15, i still remember it and will never forget. i first drank a knaggin of vodka (around 8 units) then i had 3 WKD 700ml bottles (so around 9 units in total). then being unable to stand up i grabbed a six pack of cider beside my foot and drank them all (another 15 units in total).

    i passed out in the middle of the floor andwhen i woke up i was in the ICU (intensive care unit) of my local hospital. it drank over 30 units of alchol that night within the space of 3 hours. and if you dont no the liver can only process 1 unit of alcohol per hour so by the time i woke up i was still tipsy.

    the worst thing is i dont remember this but from what my frineds said and the photos and videos taken at the party i would believe it,

    if i just say one thing to you it is never think you can control your drink, its close to impossible, i you go out with your friends and say 'oh il only have 2 beers tonight' much more is going to happen. that night i only intended to have the knaggin of vodka. its not your fault so dont feel bad, just try to cut back some nights you would go out on.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 16, 2007
  8. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    "I hate bars. Until I'm drunk. Then I hate everyone in the bar"- hammockmonkey

    I'm sorry, but I totally cracked up at this !!! The best thing anyone in a shiity situation has going for them is a sense of humor- all the hugs in the world from people in the same plight isn't going to do shit but make you feel more helpless and enable your self offense to all the huggers but at the end of the nite has anything changed? .hammockmonkey at least you see the humor in this...i go to bars and get drunk so i'm not having such a bad time there, the only motives i have in common is that we all came to drink. so i drink and then i can bear to talk to people, then i let them strike up convos and lo and behold these people aren't worth spending the money to get drunk enough to talk to in the first place!!! just want to stand up and turn the table over and spill shit everywhere and walk out of the joint without saying another word....

    hammockmonkey i might just be projecting my own stuff onto you but you need a change of scenery my sounds like boredom and frustration with the monotony and your own repetetive behavior. plan something so time and energy consuming that you pass out before you even begin drinking. don't go to shithole places full of people you don't like so you don't end up drinking out of're better than that, i can tell by the spirit that comes through in your words..maybe get outside away from everyone and away from a bottle for a whole day... **(if things are new and interesting there's no need to drink until it becomes so....)** and that last line is pretty much a synopsis of this horrible post.
  9. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    I'm old, 24, I'm a fucking dirty drunkard. I've woken up in hospitals, instrangers beds, tents, flats, dormrooms. I've tried to have drinking contests with deaf people. It was really funny at the time. I drank about a half a handle of rum to "proove" how badass of a drinker I am.

    Now I seem to get into fights. I just got that face were someone wants to punch it. Or, I just want to get into the fight. I want to fucking die. I want to get killed in a fight and laugh. I'd fuck them up, and laugh. I'd get fucked up and laugh. I don't care anymore about anything. I don't care. I just can't care. I won't care. I'm doomed motha fucka.
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