Need to get a damn grip

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Darc, Mar 6, 2010.

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  1. Darc

    Darc Well-Known Member

    Attention, I'm just looking for long as there's something I can focus on, I won't think, and as long as I don't think I'm fine...but I do think and think and think, because I'm alone, and because I'm too dumb and too listless to occupy myself with anything sensible...I used to be productive, but I can't can't can't do anything anymore, no stories, no videos, it's all just a load of bullshit because I fail fail fail at everything...and if I get the attention I need, I don't want it, because it hurts like hell...because I'm lying all the time, putting up a show for everyone around me, making sure they think I have a future...I'm so disgusted at myself for that whole fake happy image I'm building date is set to the end of the month, and all I want at the moment is to just screw it, screw the plan and do it right NOW.
    But I can't, I promised I'd be at someone's birthday party, and if I wouldn't come, someone could start suspecting something...if I stick with my plan no one will even know I bit the dust until summer comes around...
    I don't know what to do; I need to hang on just for a few more weeks, but I have no idea how and what for...I can't do anything, I'm so useless and the best thing would be if I was just gone, all gone...I'm not worth any attention, or time, or all that money I'm squandering, because I do nothing but fail....I know this damn pain is just what I deserve, but I don't want it anymore...I know I should get help, but I can't risk my family finding out about all my lies...Even if I wanted to, I couldn't go back, because I have no place to go to, while my parents think I'll be moving into a new apartment next's all just a lie and I don't want any of it anymore. hard can it be not to kill myself for just a couple more weeks...I gotta try and look for anything to calm me down or put me to sleep, I can't take this for the rest of an entire night....sorry for freaking out like that...
  2. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    hey, you are a worthwhile person.


    Keep talking okay...just keep typing out your thoughts for us. maybe working together we can all help you figure something out.

    I am so sorry. right now i am worthless as far as giving any support, but i am here and i hear you. i hope that helps a bit.

    try to hold on, okay?

  3. rostova

    rostova Member

    Sounds like you have friends and people who care about you. Hang in there. There are people whose lives are enriched by your existence.
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