Need to get a damn grip

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Darc, Mar 6, 2010.

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  1. Darc

    Darc Well-Known Member

    Attention, I'm just looking for attention...as long as there's something I can focus on, I won't think, and as long as I don't think I'm fine...but I do think and think and think, because I'm alone, and because I'm too dumb and too listless to occupy myself with anything sensible...I used to be productive, but I can't can't can't do anything anymore, no stories, no videos, it's all just a load of bullshit because I fail fail fail at everything...and if I get the attention I need, I don't want it, because it hurts like hell...because I'm lying all the time, putting up a show for everyone around me, making sure they think I have a future...I'm so disgusted at myself for that whole fake happy image I'm building up...my date is set to the end of the month, and all I want at the moment is to just screw it, screw the plan and do it right NOW.
    But I can't, I promised I'd be at someone's birthday party, and if I wouldn't come, someone could start suspecting something...if I stick with my plan no one will even know I bit the dust until summer comes around...
    I don't know what to do; I need to hang on just for a few more weeks, but I have no idea how and what for...I can't do anything, I'm so useless and the best thing would be if I was just gone, all gone...I'm not worth any attention, or time, or all that money I'm squandering, because I do nothing but fail....I know this damn pain is just what I deserve, but I don't want it anymore...I know I should get help, but I can't risk my family finding out about all my lies...Even if I wanted to, I couldn't go back, because I have no place to go to, while my parents think I'll be moving into a new apartment next month...it's all just a lie and I don't want any of it anymore.
    Crap...how hard can it be not to kill myself for just a couple more weeks...I gotta try and look for anything to calm me down or put me to sleep, I can't take this for the rest of an entire night....sorry for freaking out like that...
     
  2. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    hey, you are a worthwhile person.

    :hug:

    Keep talking okay...just keep typing out your thoughts for us. maybe working together we can all help you figure something out.

    I am so sorry. right now i am worthless as far as giving any support, but i am here and i hear you. i hope that helps a bit.

    try to hold on, okay?

    :hug:
     
  3. rostova

    rostova Member

    Sounds like you have friends and people who care about you. Hang in there. There are people whose lives are enriched by your existence.
     
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