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Need to get some stuff out my system (first time posting)

#1
I badly need to rant and let all my feelings out right now. For context I’m 16 years old from England just about to start collage (dk if it’s needed might be useful to know I guess)

idk where to start at all all the thoughts in my head I can’t stop thinking about death I hate it so much I’m so utterly terrified of death it’s become a daily occurrence that I’ll have at least one big panic about when I’m going to die and how I’m going to die and what’s happening after (the bleak reality I’ve accepted is nothing will happen which makes me even more scared and I can already feel the panic thinking about my last moments) I have to go to a funeral of a relatives on Tuesday before I start school on Wednesday I’m leaving this morning to stay at a house in London which I know is going to trigger me senseless.
I can only take my mind of death by Either thinking about something worse or just as bad that will make me paranoid or being with a very select few people. I lose sleep every night worrying about death, getting broke into and stabbed or kidnapped, someone else in my house getting murdered or having a heart attack. Other random thoughts thats just reminded me off I can’t have a conversation with some people without imagining hurting them like why can’t it stop I don’t want to hurt these people but I’m just visualising hurting them and it can’t stop. But I can’t sleep before 5 or 6 am now unless I’m drunk or high But admitting that makes me feel like I’m attention seeking and pathetic when people have much worse issues with those things another thing I absolutely hate admitting is that I still feel a lot of the time’s it would just be easier to just face my fear and off myself and then I’d never ever have to worry about death ever again but It makes me so angry that my fear of death hold me back form being able to carry through with it. Another thing that’s absolutely doing my head in is that I can’t remember anything unless it’s really vivid and sticks out in my head I can’t remember what people tell me 10 minutes after it happens and it makes me look like a horrible person when I sometimes forget to everything they say right after I talk to someone. Everything is getting to me everything is making me angry and Idk how else to end posts on here so yeah.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
Hi, welcome to SF. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. It really can be scary when your thoughts run away from you like that. Have you told anyone in your life what's going on? Sounds like a lot of anxiety, and meds and/or therapy can be really helpful for that.

The forgetting what people say thing? Definitely a symptom of stress/anxiety/whatever. If you can find ways to calm down at night and get better sleep, that can help a lot with memory stuff, and help you think more clearly. Without getting drunk - that just makes the sleep you have less restful. You can try to listen to some calm music or do a guided meditation maybe.

I hope you stick around, you can share here, people get it. *hug
 

Paisley

* * *
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#3
Nice to meet you. You're fairly young, so I'm wondering: have you ever tried therapy? Colleges usually have some form of counselling or other mental health supports.
 
#6
Nice to meet you. You're fairly young, so I'm wondering: have you ever tried therapy? Colleges usually have some form of counselling or other mental health supports.
I’ve had some counselling before around two years ago but it was because for years I thought something was wrong with my gender etc I’m sure you get the gist but I never ever talked about this to my gp or chams who I went to a couple times or to the counsellors
 
#7
Hi, welcome to SF. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. It really can be scary when your thoughts run away from you like that. Have you told anyone in your life what's going on? Sounds like a lot of anxiety, and meds and/or therapy can be really helpful for that.

The forgetting what people say thing? Definitely a symptom of stress/anxiety/whatever. If you can find ways to calm down at night and get better sleep, that can help a lot with memory stuff, and help you think more clearly. Without getting drunk - that just makes the sleep you have less restful. You can try to listen to some calm music or do a guided meditation maybe.

I hope you stick around, you can share here, people get it. *hug
Hi I actually have told some people some of what’s happening obviously that’s not all that’s going on that I’ve mentioned in that post but about the stuff in that post I have opened up to a handful of people including my girlfriend who actually was the person who showed me this site. But idk I’m scared to talk to a gp again let alone take meds and go to therapy plus i have no clue where I’d start in talking about this stuff.
I feel like it might be a mix of stress and the poor quality and amount of sleep I get every day tbh. I’ve never actually tried guided meditation is it really worth trying if I don’t have a good patience? I’m scared it’ll just annoy me more but music helps a lot somtimes but I find it’s only very loud music that helps me idk why but it does.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#8
Hi I actually have told some people some of what’s happening obviously that’s not all that’s going on that I’ve mentioned in that post but about the stuff in that post I have opened up to a handful of people including my girlfriend who actually was the person who showed me this site. But idk I’m scared to talk to a gp again let alone take meds and go to therapy plus i have no clue where I’d start in talking about this stuff.
I feel like it might be a mix of stress and the poor quality and amount of sleep I get every day tbh. I’ve never actually tried guided meditation is it really worth trying if I don’t have a good patience? I’m scared it’ll just annoy me more but music helps a lot somtimes but I find it’s only very loud music that helps me idk why but it does.
Haha, I like loud music too sometimes, helps drown out the thoughts :)

I find meditation to be helpful. Not every time - if I'm in a particularly irritable mood it does sometimes just annoy me, haha. But as you do it more you can sort of train your mind to be still for a bit. I find that if I'm doing it more often my mind is a bit clearer in general. Exercise is another thing that helps with this. I'm more likely to sleep if I've managed some exercise that day.

Therapy is definitely a scary prospect if you haven't done it before, but it can help a ton. The beauty is there is no answer in where you would start. You start wherever, and let things take their course. As the therapist gets to know you and you build trust with them, you can circle back or jump topics or whatever feels right at the time.
 
#9
Sorry that you're going through ths Mac
But idk I’m scared to talk to a gp again let alone take meds and go to therapy plus i have no clue where I’d start in talking about this stuff
If you are reluctant to go to therapy, you could try learning some CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) techniques on your own. A member here has recommended The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns. I think the NHS also has some on-line CBT resources.

I feel like it might be a mix of stress and the poor quality and amount of sleep I get every day tbh
Sorry that you've been having trouble sleeping
These links might have some helpful info on sleep hygiene. I haven't tried out all of the methods, but they sound reasonable.
https://www.cdc.gov/sleep/about_sleep/sleep_hygiene.html
http://sleepeducation.org/essentials-in-sleep/healthy-sleep-habits

You might want to try taking off your shoes a couple hours before bedtime (as long as you are wearing socks that are warm enough).

Soaking your feet in warm water and Epsom salts an hour before bedtime might be helpful.

The acupressure self-massage, and other info in my signature links might be helpful.

Here's a copy of the links in case you are on a phone

Treating Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia and General Help
Acupressure Self-Massage for Depression, Insomnia, and Anxiety
 

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