Need to get this out somewhere

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by aspieM2F, Nov 23, 2010.

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  1. aspieM2F

    aspieM2F New Member

    Hello All,

    Firstly I wanted to say that these fora are a total godsend for those in emotional need and crises.
    I pray that those in need will be able to find this resource and use it and offer real thanks to those who give of their time to help others.

    A little about myself:-
    I am just under 30 and am having a few problems in my life, and I think it would be beneficial to me to get them out in the open.

    I am a vulnerable adult who has mild to moderate autism and also suffer some confusion about my societal gender.

    I suffer generalized anxiety and a degree of atypical depression. I am losing an abnormal amount of hair in the shower which a friend says is likely due to stress.

    Despite all the following problems, I love every member of my family.

    I have a very controlling and manipulative Mother who can do spiteful and I'm sure even vindictive.
    She uses an array of finely honed emotional and physical devices, Including:-
    - Guilt tripping about presents.
    - Lending of money, buying appliances, presents, furniture and renting out houses to people.
    - Attempting to undermine my own friends to serve her own agenda (e.g. "XXXXX isn't really your friend").
    - Constantly espousing her opinions of people she doesn't like to try to make others agree with her.

    I've now realised she does all this to control people to serve her own extensive emotional needs. I'm sure she does this out of insecurity and is rarely happy despite getting her own way. I believe she is damaged herself and has not received the right help yet.

    Also, she seems to want to carry the pain of the entire female gender on her own shoulders, and will frequently quote examples of how men treat women badly in other less progressive countries.

    I have finally left home and I am now beginning to see right through her attempts to control me ; I have started to stand up for myself - She realises this and is now rather intimidated by me as a result.

    Consequently she is using her already established position and influence over my two younger brothers (Who are both vulnerable, and easily influenced by her) and at least one of their friends to force their opinions of me towards the negative.

    Effectively I'm being "Closed off" from my family by my Mum.

    Part of me thinks that this will all blow over in time, that eventually as my brothers mature and form their own opinions, they too will see how they have been subtly robbed of their individuality and freedom to think for themselves.

    My life is otherwise good, I'm earning a living and making friends along the way.

    Thanks for reading,
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 23, 2010
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Thank god you did leave and yes in time she will see her methods will not work on you and your brothers as well will see how manipulative she is and perhaps you can be there for them to help them both break free of her. She will never change her ways so it had to be you that changed and i am glad you did for the better. Keep taking care of you okay setting boundaries now is a must with your mother as she will try anything to gain control back.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni sad your mother is and I am so glad you are able to remove yourself from that...that is toxic and she is damaged, as you said...I hope you are seeking support both professionally and peer, to assure that you are strong enough to deal with her assaults...please continue to post here so we can support you as well...welcome and so glad you shared with us...big hugs
  4. aspieM2F

    aspieM2F New Member

    Hi again,

    I want to first of all say a massive thanks to both Violet and SadEyes for the words of help and encouragement.

    I agree with you both, she is definitely damaged. :sad:

    Most recently she excluded me from my youngest brother's 21st Birthday meal, when I went to confront her about it, she (In a nutshell) said that it was due to my behaviour and that I couldn't come for christmas either (Hello... Xmas.. Forgiveness???)

    My Dad (Long divorced) and his partner are both lovely and I get on with them both very well. It has been said that my Mum sees people as the pieces in a giant chess game for her benefit.

    I am, with some intensive therapy, managing to overcome some of the damage that has been done to me over the years and I much more mentally and emotionally sound, despite the gender variance/autism aspects.

    Putting aside what she has done to me (However wrong it is) I want her to get help for herself. The first step is going to be for her to admit that she has a problem (Which she hasn't done so far - as she likes playing the blame game)

    I'm thinking of writing her a diplomatic and polite letter (Maybe using some passive pscychology) at some stage to try to make her see what she is doing, why it will only ultimately bring her pain and to get her to seek help and talk about for her deep seated issues.

    I'm also thinking of asking some of the Uncles on her side to intervene in some meaningful way, or at least ask them if they know what has happened in her past to make her like this (I don't think she'll tell me directly).

    Finally, I could just forget about my whole family and just let them get on with it. Not ideal but if I must I must, my own mental state and peace of mind are simply too important.

    Again, I'm coping ok with it all (Maybe I'm internalising alot of it) and appreciate the help I've had on this forum.

    Peace and goodwill to you all.

  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    You are the child and not responsible for your mother...yes, it would be nice if everyone was compassionate, but to exclude you as she did tells a lot about yourself first and if you have anything left over, help her...she is mean and ill intended...and way too damaged to deserve you...I am more sorry for her than for you because you can improve and she is left with herself...spend your energy wisely and know that all of this is not your have had the misfortune to be dropped into a house where your mother is ingracious and so very weak...glad you are getting help and please continue to let us know how you are doing...J
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    She is a narcissistic fool you cannot help her she only cares for one person herself a professional may be able to get her to see her wrongs but i don't think so. Better you distant yourself from her and make a new life for you okay. Stay safe don't let her harm you again. take care
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