Need to leave

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sweetpea0, Jul 31, 2009.

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  1. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    Hello everyone. I have only been on here for a short time. I have gotten so much support from all of of you. Things are getting to bad for me. I'm not a very strong person. I have so many problems with my husband. Most of my problems are just meeee. I don't understand why I feel this way. Most of my life I have felt like this. I don't know how to make it go away. I just don't.
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Hi Sweetpea.
    How exactly is it that you are feeling? Depressed/suicidal/hopeless?
    When I am feeling like this I ask myself one question "what would make it better?".
    So I will ask you that question... if someone could do it for you, what would make it all better?
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I think once we truly understand how imperfect we all are in our own way, it begins to go away...and once we take a stand to try to change what we do not like about ourselves, we begin to feel better...welcome to the planet imperfect one...big hugs, J
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi sweetpea,

    Im always around if you need a chat. Are you feeling any better today?
  5. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    I wish I did feel better. I work really hard to keep myself going. What helps is my boys (I have two, 27 and 22). I know I have hurt them so much with my suicide attempts. I love them and I don't want to hurt them again. I keep telling myself they would be better off without me. They wouldn't have to worry if mom was going to kill herself. They could get on with their lives.

    I dream of dying. When I wake up I always wonder if this the day I die. Things started when I was young. They have carried over to my adult life. I have suffered long enough. Now I want to end the pain.
  6. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hi there ..
    im glad u have ppl such as ur children that help u 2 keep fighting ..
    i often think that ppl around me would be better off with me gone aswel .. but i have 2 remind myself thats the depression talking ..
    have u tried talking 2 ur doctor? mabye get some help through medication and/or therapy?
  7. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    I have a Dr., therapist and I'm on meds. They have helped me a lot. My Dr. quit and now I have another one. It's hard to start over. She never read my chart. She had no idea what I was going through. Having to bring everything up again is hard on me.
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Don't leave you need support and we can help each other. Your boys need their mother they will be devasted if you do anything and blame themselves. Please don't pass that pain to them. I have a boy22 and a daughter 20 and i know they are the only reason i stay even when my mind tells me to give up and gets so dam confused i know i can't harm them by killing myself god i want to leave but won't. Please hang in there with us okay and thanks for understanding me when i got all messed up yesterday
  9. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    Your welcome.

    Sometimes the feelings of suicide get so strong I don't think I can hang on. I try to think of my boys. I keep their picture near me. They live in Texas and I don't get to see them very often. That's why I think it wouldn't hurt them for long. They are not around me and they very seldom call. I know they have their own lives and that I am glad for.

    I have my Boxer Duchess. She helps me a lot. When I start crying she comes over and gives me kisses. I guess I am thankful for her.
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Cute name Duchess can you dowload a picture i bet she is adorable. Your sons are boys my son lives only 1/2 hr away and he never calls never phones it must be a guy thing but i know if i ever did anything it would devastate him. Your sons love you very much and want to see you happy and well. Duchess well i bet she just loves you to she would be lost without you. Hang in there i hope your new doctor is kind and compassionate, I know it is hard telling everything over hell i haven't even told anything at all hardly. Stay strong use your supports and us here to stay strong okay. I know these dam thoughts are awful but they are just that thoughts when they come time to get up and out of house and go shopping for a walk watch movie anything to shut the thoughts out. take care
  11. you can't live for other people
  12. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    That's why I think ending my life is the right thing to do. Things happened today that made me realize the time has come. I am tired of being belittled. All my life people have told me what to do. Now I am taking over and doing what I want to do.
  13. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You know in your heart you know your sons will have a hard life if you do this. They love you so as you love them Your dog needs you too. You can live for others i do it every day. I live so i don't put anybody else throught this pain i am in. You have us here and the hell with the people who belittle you You know you are better then them they are the ones with the problem.
    please please call your doctor or crisis and let them know the hard time you are having PM me anytime I know your pain i can relate just hang in through this rough patch. You know your sons need their mother no matter what age at christmas birthdays special holidays everyday they need and love you.
    Love them back by getting well getting strong go and get help that you deserve You deserve to be happy please call crisis or hospital and get help please. Keep talking here and venting okay we are listening we care.
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