Need to let it out...

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Ive held my thoughts to myself for quite long, and as I dont want to talk about it to my mates, I thought Ill let it out here in best detail I can..

It started quite long ago, theres this girl I have feelings for (Who we shall call A) and we spent time with each other and had good times, but there was a problem, her best mate fancied me, and as she didnt want to start an argument with her and her mate, she told me that it would be best if we left it for now..

Then her best mate (Who we shall call B)... She tells everyone that she wants to lost weight and go down to 4 stone.. My mates tell me just to ignore her as she just wanted attention from me, but I couldnt, part of me wanted to, but part of me wanted to try and help her in case she was serious, so I tried to just be there for her as a normal mate, but I couldnt act all that normal round someone who was losing weight to a dangerous amount, possibily to try and get my attention, I feel so ashamed for thinking that and acting the way I did.. I just couldnt act towards her the way I used to (Like casual flirting)..

After about a month, she starts sending me and other people messages like "Yay my mission is coming together" followed up by things like ":( The scales were wrong". I talked to her mate and I found out that "B" had been arguing with her over the most stupid things and saying this like "You dont know what its like to be fat".. Me and others tryed to talk to "B" about it and see that what shes doing was stupid but she didnt listen.. Meanwhile, I was still spending time with "A" and we were doing "things" (EG Kissing), I enjoyed it hpoing that maybe we could go out sometime in the near future..

Alas it has never happened so far and it proberly wont.. Last week.. It happened when "B" sent her best mate saying "Im going to stick my fingers down my throat and puke.." at 8:40 in the AM, imagine waking up to read that... Her mate was worried and angry at "B", she talked to "B" about it, but she got told that "She doesnt care about her" which just pissed her off and upset her even more, they havent spoken sience (SP?) and that annoyed most people who know "B"..

Yesterday, my birthday.. I invited all my mates, which included "A", "B", "B"'s former best mate and her boyfriend as well as others.. I was just hoping that everyone would get along.. After the film, we was going to get something to eat, but I didnt know where to go as I knew certain people didntl ike certain things.. Instead of just going somewhere, we all argued about it and no one told me where they wanted to eat which started getting me annoyed, and created loads of tension.. It all fell apart when we was walking along, and "A" & "B" were seperating themselves from the group, I asked the others why they were doing it and they just all said that they were in a mood.. Finally, "B" former mate just snaped and goes "WHY ARE YOU LOT IN A MOOD?"... This created a big argument and some people just walked off and it was a slow death to my shit party...

To sum up what happened..

"A" has fallen out with mostly everyone and shes saying that "I take sides" and is sending me messages like "I just wanna die".. I don't know how to respond.. Part of me still annoyed at what she said to me, others and what she sent her best mate...

"B" has also fallen out with some people... She is avoiding me saying that "She doesnt want to see me.." I still love her to bits..

Everyone who went to my party either had a shit time and/or got caught up in the argument... I just feel like shit and been crying quite a bit.. I have stopped myself from self-harm even though its tempting for me.. I know this isnt at all as bad as what some people go through in life, it just makes me feel like shit..


Oh wow, I am really sorry that your birthday wasn't fun and exciting. I can tell that you really care about your friends, no matter what they are saying right now. Just keep telling them that you care about them and that you'll be there if they ever need anything. I think that is all you can do at the moment. "B" needs help with her eating disorder, so she needs some extra caring words thrown her way. If you are concerned...tell her that. Anyway, just a little peice of my thoughts. I hope things work out with you and your friends. Good luck :)
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