Need to quit Drinking really bad

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by mike308, Apr 16, 2010.

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  1. mike308

    mike308 Well-Known Member

    I am 53, have been drinking steadily since I was 14.
    Except of some time in the US NAVY..when there were plenty of drugs to replace it.
    Now, It's time to quit.. I am out of control. It's the main cause of my serious depression and my failed marriage.
    It's effecting my work.. I go to work all the time, never miss a day, but I am in a stupor.
    Lack attention to detail and to be blunt.. IT's going to cost me the only thing/the only reason I still have to live.. My awfull job.
    That being said.
    I just HATE what it -alcohol- has done to my life.
    Need to find an AA group,, but the hours that I work, make it almost impossible.
    Plus it's a very rural area up here and with the price of gas. I can't afford to drive more then I already do.
    Today is the second day I haven't had a drink in over a year.
    I am really suffering.
    Please help me.
  2. ghost_rider

    ghost_rider Member

    Hi Mike.

    I have spent some time on that path. Its great you realize its a bad place to be, and are seeking to help yourself. Do you have some non-drinking friends that you could spend time with? Occupying your time will help you stay strong! Maybe some special interest groups (cars, sports, crafts, even church if thats your thing). Being around people that arent drinking will help you to see how to stay engaged without drinking. Its a tough road, and most likely drinking has become a part of your routine. Maybe you have someone close that can help you through the cravings, and the problem times (triggers)?

    Congratulations on day 2! Every journey starts small.

    Just from my experience, the advice I would give you is dont get too down on yourself if you fall off the wagon during this trying time. Dust yourself off, and get right back to it.
  3. mike308

    mike308 Well-Known Member

    that's one of the problems.. all my friends drink, not that I have very many of them anyway.
    I am a very lonely own fault..having pushed most of my family and friends away.
    My hobby is building early flintlock firearms.. So I spend hours at my work bench. when I am not drunk.. ALL ALONE.
    Life really sucks, the drinking helps kill the pain.
    But it JUST CAN'T go on for much longer.
    Whiskey courage and firearms are a dangerous mix.
    Being sober is a good thing
  4. Tomas

    Tomas Well-Known Member

    Is there no way you can simply limit your alcohol intake rather than go through the torture of giving it up altogether?
  5. ballinluig

    ballinluig Well-Known Member

    Hi Mike,

    I know exactly where your coming from. I live in a rural place in scotland and am a recovering alcoholic. Ive been sober now for 2 years.

    Its so bloody hard to go a day let alone 2,3,4,5days.You cant see more than the next drink or the next hour let alone much further than that. You can phone AA and get someone to talk to one the phone, also in parts of the world, sorry dont know in which area's but you can do talking via email to another AA member.

    The first step is to reconize you have a drinking problem, so well done for you understanding you have a drink problem.
    Next step-look up AA in your phone book and phone them. Even if you cant get to a meeting someone will be able to talk to you.

    Only another person whos had a drink problem will understand how your feeling. The sweats, the shakes, the nerves, the dreams, the NEED to just taste booze. You know you have to have a drink just to feel 'normal'.

    I do hope someone can help. I look on this site a bit but dont always post, but if you feel the need to write about your drinking feel free to pm me.

    Take care, hang in there, you can do it. donnax
  6. mike308

    mike308 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the help. I live in Northern New Hampshire in the North Eastern Part of the USA. Drinking is our State sport.
    Being an alcoholic, I can't have "just a couple". I Know that if I have that first beer. Will drink every thing in the house.
    Truly have had an angel on my shoulder my whole life. With all the stupid drunken stuff that I have done.
    No DWI and no driving accidents.. plus I haven't killed anyone, myself included.. sure have come close. No wonder my Wife hates me. What a loser I have become.
    Looking back, I have been out of my "f-in" mind.
    Now it's just me and my loneliness.
    Maybe being sober for a while will help with my depression
    Today is day 4.
    Think about it ALL THE TIME. But then Just tell myself "it's not going to happen today".
    No one but a fellow alcoholic or heroin addict can know how much you NEED IT. Even as you know it's killing you. I just hate it and what it's done to me.
  7. Sturgeon42

    Sturgeon42 New Member

    I know what that's like, Mike. I'm a recovering alcoholic myself -- I just got three months of sobriety yesterday. The hardest part for me is replacing alcohol as a safety valve -- for me, I drank to try to avoid facing the loneliness I was feeling. I felt like I didn't have the energy to do anything to fix myself, and so the only thing I could do was drink to numb the pain.

    AA is a great outlet. If you can't get to a meeting, there are meetings online you can try -- . It's not the same as going to one in person, of course, but it's something.
  8. mike308

    mike308 Well-Known Member

    Today is day number 6.. the longest I have been sober in at least a couple of years. I feel much better physically.
    Now, if I could just get that "nagging voice" out of my head. That is telling me I could use a beer.
    Does it EVER GO AWAY?? Or do you fight with it the rest of your life??
    My mind is much clearer and so are my thoughts. Still awfully depressed and lonely. However now that I am sober, I am going to talk to my doctor about some meds.. JUST for awhile to see if I can shake these spring time blues.
  9. mike308

    mike308 Well-Known Member

    I have been sober for over 20 days... Yea
    Feel much better and doing my job much better, even the Boss noticed that I haven't been "f-in" up so much. Always showed up no matter how foggy I was anyway.
    The problem is my sever Depression and suicidal thoughts just will not go away.
    Thought the drinking was a major cause of it, But after 20 days..It just seems to get worse.
    Plus that little voice in my head, just torments me.. "drink,drink" you really need a drink".
    Does it ever go away???
  10. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I'm six years sober. Do you have a big book? Also, there are AA meetings online. If your schedule doesn't allow you to join a live one, look for a message based meeting.

    Good job on 20 days. One day at a time it all adds up. AA also has a small book about living sober and that may be the name of it. It was real helpful to me.

  11. mike308

    mike308 Well-Known Member

    I went 46 days without a drink..big woop..
    HAVE a glass of iced 100 prof vodka and the drunken blues..
    Sometimes you just have to say "what the "F"
    I hate drinking... it makes me feel like shit.
    Some times LIFE SUCKS
    Good vodka makes the pain go away for awhile.
  12. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    Hey man. Don't beat yourself up for relapsing. Just remeber that its up to you. Personally I think AA is a crock, but if you want to stop drinking they are the best chance you got. Personally, I just decided to drink responsibly. And if I can't handle drinking responsibly I stop for a while. Its worked for me.Only you can decide you ahve a problem or not. May I suggest only drinking on non work days?
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