Need to vent out

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by SleepySorrow, May 20, 2007.

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  1. SleepySorrow

    SleepySorrow Member

    Wasn't sure where to vent out my issues, I certainly don't want to vent it out infront of people I know, so I figure I'll say it here since others are probably going through this as well.

    Well I've been having suicidal thoughts for pretty much quite a long time now. I'm sure everyone at some point in their life has had some suicidal thoughts, its natural so long as it doesn't effect you or people around you right? I wouldn't actually try it, since I know (have to hope) that I have potential in life, as I type I'm finishing off a thesis and job applications so its kinda stupid to actually commit suicide when ur working so hard.

    I dated this one girl (before that nothing) for one month when I was 20 and that was the first time I kissed a girl. But I was lucky there in that she was a friend but alas it didn't work out and we don't speak ATM.

    I wouldn't say I'm the antisocial type, I can generally get along with most people. I dont have any difficulties in talking to girls (except the stuck up ones). And I'd say I look average, I'm not fat or look hideous I'm slightly bulked up from the gym. But for some reason whenever I ask a girl out, they just decline.

    Yesterday proved the biggest low in my life. I asked out a girl 2-3 months ago but she said she wasn't looking for anything right now. Fair enough.
    Then yesterday I went out partying with friends and saw that girl, who then started dancing with a friend of mine and then they made out :unsure:

    Demoralizing has been given a new meaning now. Instead of being sad about the whole thing I just put on a smile and took photos of everyone so no one would see that I'm bothered about it, while constantly thinking "You should go kill yourself" "Go on, just do it".

    The things is, I just don't want to be in a situation where I am married and have kids and then start getting suicidal tendencies and actually do commit suicide. The family would break down and my wife and kids would probably have a higher chance of suicide... alas endless cycle? So best if I do think I'll be suicidal for minor/major issues its best to do it sooner rather than later.
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