Need to vent...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Hurted, Mar 6, 2009.

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  1. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    after a few months. I can't take it anymore. I completly locked myself in, sorry if that's not the proper phrase, and sorry for my broken English.

    My life is going down, i feel like sliping further down the spiral. The ironic thing is, that i am not that much depressed. I am not suicidal often, ussually when im drunk.

    But i have noone to talk with :(

    My mother is more and more depressed and sick, we have severe financial problems. I have socially deprivated myself, i rarely go out. I have no friends anymore, just a few people that calls me at the end of weeks and ask me if I want to do some drugs with them. (Alcohol mostly).

    I developed many bad habits, like not sleeping enough, eating extremly unhealthy and chain smoking. Sad thing for someone who is only 18.

    My self esteem almost reached the bottom. I know that i am ugly, and i feel that everyone thinks about how ugly i am when im near them. I often look away when some people pass me because i feel uncomfortable if they see my face.

    My anxiety is pretty bad again. I feel panic a lot.

    The main reason why im depressed is love.

    Don't know why, but since i was 10 years old i always imagined that the most beautiful thing that can happen to a man is having a girl that loves you. I am too shy and insecure to ask any girl out, beside i doubt that anyone would like me. (I look so ugly, that people are probaly laughing behind my back lol:laugh:).

    I am pathetic, because i haven't done a single thing to improve my life. It's friday and im sitting here, while my "friends" are having fun.

    I know what i have to do, but i dont know how to do it. I would need some support, but i feel like i have noone to turn on.

    I am becoming fatalist, yes, at 18... Isn't that pathetic?


    Thanks for letting me vent.
    Im not feeling sorry for myself, not anymore, since i know that it's all my fault.
    Again, sorry for long boring post, and sorry for my english, im still learning it.:smile:
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Just wanted to send my caring and hoping you find a way to start moving toward getting what you want...is there anyone (peer or professional) that you can share some thoughts with to maybe be more successful? all the best, J
     
  3. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Ahh... one cant deside if he is ugly or not about himself
    beautiy is by the point of view
    while 1 think you are ugly, someone ales think you are a freaking angel
    example: i am 186 tall and my waight is 75kg
    about 3 years ago my waight was 65kg, i was a skeleton really
    yet never in my life i had problems with girls... like NEVER...
    my back is like ? as well... (too much computer..)

    So my advice... first you should undarstand that most girls dont care about looks
    they care about who you are, like.. how funny or ineligent you are
    or they look on your social status...
    I admit, a year ago, back in Israel, i had tons of freands...
    hell.. people invited me to partys and i didnt even knew thair names...
    I always had humor, and i am very inteligent, the result is... never had problem
    to find a girl.. so... dont say you are ugly, just work on your self confidance
     
  4. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I talk with some peers from time to time, but i can't tell them everything. I don't think that professionals could help me. I know what i have to do to feel better, i just dont know how to achieve some things.

    I agree that beauty is relative, but some people are still more or less attractive than others.

    I disagree that girls don't care about look. Look is very important to majority girls, at least to those that I know.
    Of course, the rest is also important, but the look is noticed before you open your mouth.

    I am not concerned about the rest. I have a sense for all kinds of humour (sarcasm, toilet, black...), im entertaining even when im severe depressed, im above average when it comes to education and i care for people that i like.
     
  5. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Well then u can get any girl you want... :wink:
     
  6. Rachel123

    Rachel123 Well-Known Member

    Not ALL females care about looks. Personality MAKES someone good looking to you.

    You are a good person. You're just down on yourself. That is okay :)

    <3 You know you can vent to me anytime!
     
  7. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Thanks:)

    I wish that it would be that easy:)
     
  8. SuicideIsTheWrongOption

    SuicideIsTheWrongOption Well-Known Member

    Getting girls is easy.

    Getting a girl to like you isn't. Girls do care about looks, but if you have a good personality, then thats going to be worth more.
    Girls don't always = happieness though.
    But i will say that the feeling of being in love is possibly the best way to fight any depression or sucidial thoughts you might have.

    I've hated life since i was 10, the one year i was in love with a girl, my grades went up, i was very outgoing, hell i was even the life of the party sometimes. Happiest year of my life.
    Sadly that all ended when she broke up with me.
     
  9. endlessskies58

    endlessskies58 Well-Known Member

    i wish all guys felt like you do about love...

    and straight up... looks aren't big with girls... i wasn't even attracted to my ex physically until we got together and i was with him for 3 years. he turned cute over time but wasn't very handsome when i first got together with him... once he realized he was cute though he left... jerk...
     
  10. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hey...i wish you were not so down on yourself hun. there is much more to a person, than the externals. truest beauty comes from the inside (that being said, i worry too, about my own looks, and wish i were prettier)

    but that is my SELF-image. now...since i am female i'll share my personal experience.... it is usually the personality, that draws me to a man. that is what comes first...and has nothing to do with physical appearance. the sexual chemistry, which is mysterious, seems to come out of the personality and it needs to be mutual. . lol. .

    ...but if attraction grows into love. . .it is loving the heart and soul of the other person. for me, it is never about the externals. if i love someone, and they were disfigured by some accident or illness....would that diminish my love for them?? absolutely not.

    there is always someone for us to love, and who will love us.
    and for the record, i think you sound like a nice guy and if you have a good sense of humor and are kind and attentive ..... you can charm some lucky girl and win her heart. girls love shy guys, by the way. we just adore them. keep trying. xx
     
  11. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Well, it's never too late to help yourself. Considering how young you are, you can always turn your life around.

    And perhaps it's good you aren't with your friends; social contact isn't always a healthy thing especially when it involves drugs & alcohol.

    You can't let things like thinking you're ugly (i think i'm hideous) get in your way. Someone might think otherwise. You never know. Insecurities like that can really mess with you.
     
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