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Need Urgent Advice.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Iznla, May 22, 2014.

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  1. Iznla

    Iznla New Member

    Hello I'm 17 and this is just a quick summery of why I feel the way I do.

    All my life I've tried to do whats right by everyone and try my best at every things I've done but it's never felt like enough, I seem to fail at almost everything I try and do and its spiralling and getting worse to the point where I no long try new things because of how it makes me feel.

    As a younger child I went though some things that have still left there mark on me today, I would prefer not to go into these right now because they are to hard to explain emotionally and yeah.

    At 15 I came out to my parents as gay, this was easily one of the hardest things I've ever had to do as the where both outspoken homophobes and strong christians. My dad physically abused me and took everything I had (money phone etc) so I couldn't contact anyone. This went on for month until it finally stopped but 2 years on they still won't except my boyfriend or the fact I'm gay.

    At christmas 2012 I ran away tried to escape and just finish everything because coping was no longer possible but my other half begged me to just talk and after a while this got a little better and I thought they where looking up.

    About 6 months ago I had my first attempted and just like everything else I've tried at, I failed and ended up in A & E for about 6 hours, some guy was talking to me but I was to out of it to truly understand what was going on, after this I got referred to CAM's and was put on 20mg of flux. I went to see the people at CAM's and after one session they never got back to me and this really hurt I mean I thought those where the people out of everyone that would care but clearly not.

    Now I am where I am now, I went to my gp early this week telling him I was feeling suicidal and all he did was double my dose. It was like he didn't even care. Also over the last few weeks the only way I can get to sleep is by drinking and drugs and I know this is wrong and I shouldn't and its not helping but I can't help it, if I lie away at night it just gets harder. 3 days ago I messaged a suicide hotline about how I felt and that I was thinking about suicide and all they said to me was just wait to see if the pills would make a difference and that is all they said event though I stressed strongly that I was thinking about doing it that night. That night I got absolutely wasted and sent a text to a mate thanking her for everything she had done for me and she new something was up. She saved my life that night without a doubt but she can't do it every night and next time I won't be sending any messages.

    Ive also been self harming for over a year now and its just progressively getting worse, deeper, longer and its only a matter of time. I need help fast, I will literally try everything but I can't keep on feeling the way I do that is just a fact.

    Also no only do I feel a danger to myself, Im filling up with so much hate that people around me are beginning to annoy me so much all I want to do is hurt them, so they can feel the way I do, I know its selfish but this is why I'm beginning for help. Im beginning to hate everyone and everything and I can't let myself be a risk to other people.

    Please, any suggestions could save me right now.

    I promise this isn't your 'average teen case'.

    Thank you
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, don't worry...I won't treat your post as a 'phase'. One of my best friends was gay, sadly he committed suicide, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. You can be whoever you want to be,remember that. Every person is unique and no one is perfect. Have you got any help for the drinking/self harm/ drugs, if not it is time to, because it could well lead to harder drugs to cope with your emotional pain. Please see a therapist, they can help you. As for being a danger to yourself and others, now is the time to get help. I am truly sorry you are feeling this way, but we are here fore you no matter what.
  3. ViolentGirl

    ViolentGirl Banned Member

    Sorry you're here.

    Your GP and the Suicide Helpline were assholes. They think that people who talk about suicide are just whinging and will never do it. Yet, practically everyone who's actually commit suicide has talked about it at some point.

    You've got every reason to be in pain, but what is the answer? I have no fucking clue. I'm fucked up myself.

    Amen to that.
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