need your opinion

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by been there, Nov 18, 2007.

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  1. been there

    been there Member

    I've been married to an alcoholic for 17 years.Most of his drinking was done on the weekends,but it was some thing I could deal with.Things started getting really bad in the last three years.He became verbally abusive and recently physically abusive.On payday he takes his paycheck leaving the kids and I without food or money.When he finally comes home,there is no money to pay the bills and very little to buy food because he drank it away.Then he takes it out on me because things are so bad.The kids have grown to hate him and want nothing to do with him.I have finally found the courage to leave him.The kids and I are moving to a different state this coming weekend.I have lied to him telling him we are leaving the following weekend because he does everything in his power to stop me if I make plans to do anything.I plan to do everything I can to keep him from seeing the kids for the fact that he has put them in danger by drinking and driving with them in the car,and the mental abuse he has caused them and not providing for their needs.I find myself feeling guilty that he won't be able to say goodbye to the kids before we leave.I've talked to the kids about it and they say they don't care,they're just glad to be leaving.Am I crazy to feel guilty?
  2. immure

    immure Account Closed

    no cause despite the way ur marrage has went u loved him enough in the beginning to believe in a forever type of comittment and even though things are bad at the moment it never changes matters in the heart unless we allow it to make us hard hearted
    i would say rejoice in the fact that u still care for his feelngs shows that u have not let the experience make u a bitter women. stay strong.
  3. been there

    been there Member

    Thanks for the reply immure.You're right,I should rejoice it and be glad I'm not bitter.He has taken alot from me that made me the person I used to be by beating me down with his words.I need to find those things in myself again.But he hasn't taken away the hope I have that one day I can find someone who loves me for me and will treat me with the respect I deserve.
  4. immure

    immure Account Closed

    you can make it. look the journey you already survived. let resolutions come in there own time. take the time to get to know urself in ur own right again. it can be a fun thing despite all the rest.
  5. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    no you're definitely NOT crazy for feeling guilty. its quite normal. you sound like you're really really strong. you made the right choice I think. :hug:

  6. been there

    been there Member

    Thanks for the hug TDM.I'm not as strong as I sound.I'm a total mess.But just knowing I'm getting out of this situation has lifted a big weight from my shoulders and for the first time in a very long time I feel like can start living again.I'm scared as hell taking this step but I keep telling myself it won't be any worse than what I've been through and things can only get better. (hug)
  7. been there

    been there Member

    I've never looked at in that way.Thanks for the words of encouragement.They mean alot :smile:
  8. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Hi. Just read your post and agree with immure. I am with you all the way. It is time for you to step out of this unhealthy household situation. For you and for the children that are growing having this father as example. It teaches by example it is said and can only agree. Show the kids that a person even in bad times, hardship and unhealthy situation can alays fall back on its feet, and seek respect and deserved positive attentions.

    If you are scared of leaving and having to face him that day, call the police or better go to the police station the day before, talk to the head officer and tell him that you are leaviing your husband and expeting or worrying that he might interfere violently being an alcoolic. The more yo put the better..sorry to say it but put it all so that they wil be there to ensure your exit as smooth as possible both for yourself than the kids not seeing a dirty scene before leaving for good.

    I am glad yo found the strenght to take this decision and am on your side. After all the hardhip you went trough, you can now expect the best from life.... all possibilities are open...... yours to take and go can make it and can make the best of all that will come down your way. Grab it and embrace this new oppurtunity and feel free hunny.

    All my best wishes and please shold you need to talk, come as often as you need or feel to ok and let us know in the future once reistalled how things are for you and the kids.

    Warm embrace and many blessings to you and your family.
    granny xx
  9. been there

    been there Member

    Thanks for the encouragement and kind words.It help's to make me believe in myself and that I can do this.
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