needed somewhere to write....

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lozzie, Aug 31, 2015.

  1. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member


    If you have never come across my posts before then I apologise if this may seem really random. But because my mind is like a ticking time bomb I just needed somewhere to execute the word vomit that is in my heart at the moment. Im on the road to healing after so many years and it is really hard at the moment, life has always been pretty exhausting but I'm finding that it really does have to get harder before it gets better. I have multiple issues that have grown from child abuse and other forms of abuse in my life. I continue to dominate life in what would seem a positive way to others however internally i am continually fighting a very long and hard battle.
    Just wondering if anyone else out there has come out the other end on the positive because right now i feel like my weaknesses just want me to give in to it all despite all my hard work and the hard work of other people- I have finally developed a strong support network, and everyone who has pushed me away because of the help i require has decided they want to know me and be apart of my journey now that I'm a success story- thats what my psychologist says.

    anyways just expressing some deep frustration with the world- people are so selfish and its really interesting that when things get to hard, the amount of people that just throw in the towel.
  2. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    Sometimes we just don't have the strenght to help others.

    There is so much stress in life these days: Work, childs, relationship, money etc

    Good job on your progress!
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Its hard to be there for someone who constantly needs support and is 'down'. It maybe is selfish - but is it any more selfish that being constantly down and needing constant support? I don't think it is. I think the same way we do not choose to be depressed and low, people do not choose to need to step away from that. Many people try really hard to stay, but in the end, its not okay to ask or expect people to put their own mental health at risk for the sake of our own.

    I used to be on the "if you care about someone you stay no matter what" band wagon. But then I hung out here a while and I realised how incredibly dangerous that is. Trying to be 'there' for people who constantly wanted to (or tried to) die - being emotionally tied in to that situation - its dangerous and exhausting and made me really sick. Walking away didn't make me selfish - it made me sane. It isn't pretty or 'nice' perhaps, but it is how it is.

    In terms of feeling like you want to throw in the towel just as you've got it together - I think that is like holding your pee.

    Stay with me...

    You know when you really really need to pee but you know you won't be able to for the whole trip home? So you need to pee but you hold it. And you hold it all the way there, and all the way down the street - but as soon as you can see the house and anticipate the bathroom the need to pee becomes almost unendurable? Even though you've been successfully managing your need to pee for like a half hour, those last two or three seconds are the closest you've ever come to wetting yourself? Its kinda like that. You can see the bathroom. You've come all that way and now you can see the bathroom and it is suddenly harder. Doesn't mean you let go and pee yourself ;)

    So... on that note... :/

    I hope that you hold on and carry on getting better. Congratulations for coming so far!