needed to tell anybody

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lostcupcake, May 6, 2015.

  1. lostcupcake

    lostcupcake Member

    hi im only new to this so if i mess it up i apologis. Im having a terrible day its been leading up to this for quite sometime and i feel like i really need to tell someone, i tried to make an appointment at my doctor but they were booked out so im turning to this to see if anyone has some advice or can help. I have a history of anxiety and it rears its ugly head every now and then. For the past few years ive been fighting inside my head to push threw whatevers going on with me but i feel like im coming undone like im lost amd cant find my way to wherever im ment to be. I cant get motivated i hate myself everything about me annoys me. Ive tried to stay positive and not be so hard on myself but in the end it all fails. I lost my brother two years ago to suicide and it ripped my world apart the hate i feel for things today is overwhelming it strangles me on a daily basic i feel toxic. I feel like im losing it i was going to see if i could go on antidepressants but im scared they will make things worse. I cant except love from others because i always revert back to how useless i feel and why would anyone want to be with me when i find myself so horrible, to the point were i push them away. I really just want to feel happy within myself but i cant what Should i do?
  2. jarrah

    jarrah Member

    hi, i'm sorry that today is so rough. Do you mean a regular doctor, like a GP? Maybe call another practice, you might be able to get someone to see you who can help get you through until you are able to see your regular doctor. It sounds like things have been rough for a while, and like you need to talk with someone about these things. Have you ever tried talking with a counselling service? There are a number of phone services operating in Vic, maybe try one.

    When you see a doctor they may be able to refer you to a service. It can be hard to talk when you've kept things inside for so long, kind of scary also. Keep talking on here, sometimes talking can really help, even if it's just typing out how you feel. Talk to friends and family if they are available to talk to. I don't know you, but I know that everyone is deserving of love, and sometimes we're loved without knowing it ourselves. It's good that you want to feel happy, there are people who want to help you feel happy again, doctors, councillors, people here. Keep talking, take a walk, try phoning a few practices. Take care of yourself and know there are people thinking of you and wishing you happiness and strength.
  3. lostcupcake

    lostcupcake Member

    Thanks for the advice i did mean a regular doctor. Ive tried counselling before it didnt really help at all that was right after my brother died the main reason i did it was to stop my parents from forcing me to talk to someone. I think i convinced the lady i was fine and she said how i was feeling was normal at that time. As for talking to my family i dont want them to worry about how im feeling because my mum freaks out and thinks ill end up like my brother :-( i feel like i cant talk to my friends either because ive been depressed for so long i feel like they cant be bothered dealing with my issues which i understand i dont want to drag anyone down with me. Thanks for taking the time to reply.
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering. I feel that this forum is a god send. Not meant in a religious way, sorry if I have offended anyone else. You need to try group therapy as that works. You have to remain calm
    and are you on any medication?

    Coping with a loss of a family member and takes a lot of time to recover. You are a survivor as I have told many others. You have to dig deep and find the inner strength to start the recovery process. I know you question why your family kin past away, I'm assuming he did not give any reason

    Just remember the good times. People say time is great healer but sometimes that not the case. Treat each day as a new learning process of life. I know you are struggling but keep strong. We are here for YOU. We understand and will forever support you in bad times. Keep posting for more support. Be safe.
  5. lostcupcake

    lostcupcake Member

    Im currently not on medication i was trying to get it to see my doctor for treatment to see if they could recommend anything. i take over the counter st john wort for my anxiety it doesn't really help much tho ive been trying to stay away from drugs because i have a very shity amune system and have issues with my stomach and severe eczema. There was no reason left by my brother no note no texts nothing. He was having a hard time but i never thought it was something that he couldn't push threw like everything else hed been threw. I don't know how id go in group therapy im quite of a shy person. Thanks for you recommendation though