hi im only new to this so if i mess it up i apologis. Im having a terrible day its been leading up to this for quite sometime and i feel like i really need to tell someone, i tried to make an appointment at my doctor but they were booked out so im turning to this to see if anyone has some advice or can help. I have a history of anxiety and it rears its ugly head every now and then. For the past few years ive been fighting inside my head to push threw whatevers going on with me but i feel like im coming undone like im lost amd cant find my way to wherever im ment to be. I cant get motivated i hate myself everything about me annoys me. Ive tried to stay positive and not be so hard on myself but in the end it all fails. I lost my brother two years ago to suicide and it ripped my world apart the hate i feel for things today is overwhelming it strangles me on a daily basic i feel toxic. I feel like im losing it i was going to see if i could go on antidepressants but im scared they will make things worse. I cant except love from others because i always revert back to how useless i feel and why would anyone want to be with me when i find myself so horrible, to the point were i push them away. I really just want to feel happy within myself but i cant what Should i do?