Needing advice!!

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by shadowcat, Feb 17, 2008.

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  1. shadowcat

    shadowcat Well-Known Member

    I need some advice has anyone faced their abusers and told them how they feel about what happened after they had grown to be an adult. My mother is my abuser and I have been out on my own for about 5 years now. But my mother still trys to control me in other ways such as saying I do not care about my family, that I care about the firehall more than anyone else and she even has went so far as to say my wedding is going to be trash since she is not able to do stuff her way. she has sent a letter to my fiance saying this stuff and he is not happy. He is wanting to not let her be at the wedding for fear of her stirring something up. It is coming to a point I may have to face her and talk to her about things before the wedding in may. It may even come to a point we would have to ban her from the wedding and from seeing me for a time period.
  2. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I veiw people as a person first, and a parent, husband, wife, boss or whatever second, and I'm sorry to be so blunt but your mum does not sound like a very nice person. You have to keep in mind your an adult now, and it's yours and your fiance's wedding, not hers, do not allow her to intimidate you or him, you are perfectly within your rights not to invite her and make sure all your guests know she is not welcome, so if she does show with the intent of causing trouble people will know to turn her away. You don't even need to invite people in your family who are sympathetic to her, this is your special day, don't let anyone else ruin it because it will be the day you both remember and cherish forever and needs to be filled with happy memories. :smile:

  3. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    i know someone with simmilar story...
    Tell your mother about everything... if she will acuse you that you lie, that cut her out of your life, its the best thing that you can do...
  4. This sounds cold, all likelihood she will never "get" the hurt/damage she's caused in the past (as she obviously doesn't "get" what she's doing now either) :dry:. People do not generally give up their perceived control, let alone suddenly overcome their urges to manipulate others!

    My vote would be to be in contact with her as little as possible (in fact, she's DAMN lucky you're in her life at ALL! But will never know it). I've tried such confrontations myself in the past - they can be cathartic, but they rarely affect change...

    Have a WONDERFUL wedding! WITHOUT her!! :biggrin:
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