Needing genuine advice right now

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Cariad_Bach, Sep 15, 2012.

  1. Cariad_Bach

    Cariad_Bach Staff Alumni

    So, at the start of this year, I had a wonderful Man who made me feel amazing (even though I used to complain because I didn't get to see him very often). I'd started going out again and trying to make new friends etc.

    Then it all fell apart. The friends I'd tried to make, who I'd thought were really going to be good friends, they turned their backs on me. They didn't want to know me anymore. The people who were important to the wonderful man started hating me also, making things more and more difficult.

    Then he stopped seeing me less and less. It bothered me that I felt like he was never there for me, and that he didn't seem to want me to integrate into his life properly. Eventually, I had to call it a day: I was wasting my time, my life, my love, pining after someone who just wasn't able or willing to give me what I wanted, what I needed.

    But all this was MONTHS ago. Why can't I just forget it and move on?? This is crazy. I have new friends again now, I have a new Man now. I am used to people suddenly turning on me and hating me. I know that that will always happen and I will always be starting again because I have lost everything.

    And now, I want to contact them. Still. More. Its getting worse. I'm thinking about these people all of the time. Why I lost them, how, whether they'd respond if I contacted them, what went wrong, whether they think of me now, what they are doing now, whether they missed me as much as I missed them (not likely, I know).

    I want to reach out. I always want to reach out. I need genuine advice.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2012
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun i think you need to see what is infront of you NOW hun Let the past be that and learn from it ok You are mourning the loss of a friendship that just did not happen hun ok
    I think you need to stay in the present time and look forward now and enjoy what life has brought you now hun. Let it go let these people go hun you have started something new go with it and enjoy living now hugs
  3. ksmith86

    ksmith86 Well-Known Member

    Are you sure this isn't a case of you just wanting what you can't have? If you suddenly lost everybody in your life right now, would you freak out and want them back? You'd probably forget all about the previous mr wonderful if that happened..
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Having been injured in that way, I know what it is like to replay those usually ends for me with, "I can't believe I let someone do that again to me"...often times, when things do not fade, there are unresolved issues...that does not mean contacting the people, but instead, seeing what it unsettled for you...for me, it is usually issues of shame, but it does vary for each person...maybe you are telling yourself that there continues to be a lesson for you to learn there...please view the 'investigation' with a sense of self-compassion (wish I could learn this lesson myself) and know how very well cared for you are here
  5. Emily Rose

    Emily Rose Member


    Maybe your comparing what you have now to what you used to have? That will only lead you in the wrong direction, if so. :/ You have to be happy with what you have now because there's no use in trying to change the past. You can only help the future! If you feel like you and your ex still have something going on then maybe you should contact him again. But if you don't want a relationship with him then don't risk it. You could possibly lose the guy you have now and make things worse. Life is a hue risk and we have to deal with sooo many choices and along come's the consequences. So follow your heart and see where it takes you. You could have something amazing with the guy your with now, so think through it carefully. I wish you the best of luck!

    ~Emily Rose
  6. alyssaswoon

    alyssaswoon Well-Known Member

    In my experience, if it's already in your past, just leave it where it is.
    I've had these thoughts before, and I've acted on them, and I can say that I've regretted it. You have good friends now? So screw the ones who were assholes to you, they aren't worth your thoughts. Have a new man that is good to you? Forget the one who couldn't simply make time to fit you into his life.
    Sometimes I wonder about my ex-friends and ex-lovers (who've ended on bad terms) and then I just sit back and remember why it is that we do not speak anymore and it doesn't take me long to say, "forget 'em" to myself. Don't mourn things in your past, learn from them and move on, because there's not much worse things than the past directly affecting your present/future, especially if it's negative.