So after my failed attempt this weekend i have realised i need help. I know people have been telling me this for a while on this forum but until you realise it yourself nothing changes. I have no one but myself though. My family dont care, i dont have any real friends and im too scared to tell the doctor what i have done and what i probably will do again. My reasons are still there, still haunting my every waking moment. I just dont know what to do anymore:sad: In one breath i want to go back to university and in the next i want to end it all. Looking back over my life i have avoided so many situations i am uncomfortable with. Even if friends at college managed to drag me out i would just sit in a corner wanting to waste away and disapear. The result is at 25 i have no friends left, im virtually a recluse except when i leave for work. Today for the first time since i started working at 16 i have had a day off sick. I feel so guilty. Now im worried what they will say to me tomorrow. I have a hospital appointment on Christmas Eve should i leave it until then? See what they say. The last Doctor i saw was really nice to me and didnt try to push me with loads of questions. I think he could see i just wanted to run away. My problem is he was only a temp and i dont think he is there any more. All the other doctors are horrible and ignorant. It takes me quite a while to open up to people, i feel like they dont believe me or that i should just get over it. I have dealt with so much on my own. Other peoples problems i can face head on, my own if they are not simple i will avoid or ignore them. I dont know how to ask for help anymore, people in my life come to me not the other way round. Im scared. My head is all over the place and im constantly changing my mind all the time. Does any one else just want some one to take the controls for them? Thank you for reading and for any advise offered.