needing to talk

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by katie, Jun 21, 2008.

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  1. katie

    katie Member

    just need to share a few things. I just got out of the psych hospital a week ago yesterday. I had taken too many sleeping pills and cut on myself. I still feel the same way. I just don't feel like I should be around. I feel like such a failure. Like I am a burden to those around me. I have continued to hurt myself since I got out of the hospital (cutting). I keep thinking of ways to end my life. I just am trying to decide when is the best time. I see my psych Dr. on Mon. but that doesn't help much right now. I am very confused and hurting that I don't know what I really want to do.
     
  2. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    I also did the same as you about a month ago took many of the same tablet. Did it effect you in any way? I found I had the runs for about 2 weeks afterwards and was throwing up occasionally. My stomach seemed to be a lot weaker.
     
  3. katie

    katie Member

    I was sick enough afterwards (about 2 days later) that my counselor had me admitted to the hospital. she said that I wasn't acting like myself. whatever. apparently if it's to the point that I am not wanting to live then I doubt that I will be acting myself. things haven't changed much. the thoughts are still there. in fact, they are just as strong if not stronger. I was still trying to do stupid things in the hospital and they still let me out. they even knew what I was doing even up until the day before I was discharged. talk about our mental health system.. oh well, I guess you won't get help if you don't want it and I'm at the point where I don't know if I want it or not. self harm and all are still happening. thanks for reading.
     
  4. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    i am sorry that you are hurting so much katie, this is a very scary time for you right now and confusing as to what to do next.
    but please be strong and hold on, your life is worth living, you may not see it now but in time things will be different.

    if you want to chat then i am only a pm away hun.

    please be safe
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Katie,
    I understand what you are talking about. I carry around my thoughts with me every day. I won't tell you eventually they will go away. I deal with mine on a dailey basis. You can't look into the future because it doesn't exist right now.
    We at the forum are on your side, so when you get like that talk to us, let us help you. You know the advice you receive from all of us is different because we are individuals. You can select what applys to you and PM that person. I know for fact that they will be glad to help.
    I know you don't like your counseler. You need to stop and realize they are there to help you. If you give them alot of grief they are going to give it in return.
    My honest oppinion is they let you out of the hospital to soon. So you might want to tell your counseler you need to go back in. You are a very nice person with a beautiful sole. I know this from the understanding and caring that you give to others. Please stay safe...:chopper:
     
  6. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Heya,

    No this might be hard to read and that you mmight snap back at this suggestion but I think you need to tell your psyc that you need to go back in and be completely honest with your psy about what you are doing. It is a hard thing to do but worth it in the end.

    Sam
    x
     
  7. katie

    katie Member

    I agree that it would be a good idea to go back in the hospital. but that takes away the opportunity that I have right now. I don't know what I want. I am torn between getting help and just giving up. I know that sounds stupid probably but I am tired of trying to get better and nothing seems to change. I am hurting so badly inside that I don't know that if I talked with anyone they would even listen. That's why I'm posting here and not talking to anyone. everone jumps straight to hospitalization. I don't know if I can do that. I don't know what I really want or need and just want to stop feeling the way I do and self harm isn't working as well as it has in the past.
     
  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    my feeling on hospitalization is that it is there just to keep you safe. sometimes that's true, if the ward is good, and sometimes it's a joke. the hospital will not help fix the underlying reasons.

    it will take months, sometimes years of hard work in therapy for the underlying stuff that brought you to this point of feeling suicidal to be resolved. it's not something that can be rushed. we have our defenses for a reason, and our "escape" plans are part of those defenses. i truly believe, for me at least, the only way to get better is to share your thoughts with a trained therapist. s/he can safely help you survive this and begin to heal. suicide is a symptom of your inner pain and turmoil. start to resolve that pain and i hope the feelings to harm yourself will go away.

    you *are* worth it.
     
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello! If you go back into the hospital, it gives them time to adjust your meds so they can find the right combunation. The meds aren't miracle drugs they just help by giving you xtra support. You should write down your thoughts so you don't forget anything to talk to the doc about!! It also helps you by keeping your thoughts straight. I have alot of trouble with that. My mind gets all garbled up. And it takes work to get it to quiet down. I hope you find a happy medium...:chopper:
     
  10. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Yeah I found that SH stopped working after a while of constantly doing it. Hospitalization is a good idea!!!

    Sam
    x
     
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