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Needing you back...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ForrestLife, Jan 27, 2008.

  1. ForrestLife

    ForrestLife Guest

    I'm in an awful state.
    Months of this new living situation...away from my father and family...alone. I'm beginning to start with peer relations and I don't know where to start. My therapist is so hard on me and I feel like I'm not good enough for any of this. I have had to break every single thing I do so I can stop being a cold...a cold ****, to be honest. I posted here some months back and I'm in the same emotional distress.


    I'm so terrible. I don't want to go on with this..."help" they call it. They are HELPING me? Sometimes it doesn't seem that way. This is so HARD. I had to break all contact off with the people I cared about just so I can relearn how to interact and grow those relationships back?

    You. I am having a hard time still and I'm so scared about what my future will hold. I've gotten use to my house-mates but I'm afraid of the outside world now. I'm afraid my therapy will be them leaving me somewhere but I know they won't. I know I'm not making sense.

    Are. I'm not suppose to be here. I've had an account here since I...left? I wanted an account to keep check on someone special. Someone I'm not going to gain back probably. I think I may be ruining my life by going through this hell to...to fix me? Maybe I was never broken. Was I? Was I broken?

    Tea. It seems like my only joy right now--the taste of my tea and honey. Suicide is on my mind tonight. I wish I had internet access at the home so I could interact with life again. Life? What is life anyway...
    do we know what life is?
    I loved life.
    He was amazing.
    So strong yet so weak.
    I want my life back.
    I met him not long ago.
    I left him not long ago.
    I am mourning for him when I'm the one that was broken.

    I'm still here.
    I see you are doing okay, Life. No, I won't say your name here and I'm sorry if it causes a fuss...you were right before though (remember?). It's me. It's you. I wish you could save me from torturing myself to get "better" or whatever it should be called. I pray you understand this is you. This is all for you.

    Where will my life go.
    I spelled your name out in my eyes, Life. That's what I'll refer to you as now...Life...because that's what you are.
  2. If this is ****** (formerly ****** ** ****** on SF), you know I'm still here. You can call me, email to me, msn to me, whatever. I'm still here. I would like to talk with you again.

    Last edited: Jan 28, 2008