Needy or greedy?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by crzykidshanana, Apr 17, 2007.

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  1. crzykidshanana

    crzykidshanana Well-Known Member

    Ever feel like crying...with no valid reason as to why?

    I swear I feel like that quite a bit lately.

    It might have something to do with my mother being gone.

    It might have to do with school stressors.

    It might have to do with friend drama.

    But, I don't like being alone.

    I'm all smiles on the outside. But, I think I'm dying just a little bit on the inside.

    If this is what it's like when my mother goes away n' life gets a little tough, I guess I'm really not as ready as I felt to grow up a little bit.

    I'm 20 years old. I'm a full-time college student. I work two jobs. I am there as often as possible for the people who need me.

    But...why can't I just say that I need something?

    I guess I just don't want to be a burden. I guess I just want to be fun n' bubbly n' handle things on my own.

    I guess I'm just scared.

    I guess it's something I'll grow out of.

    But...I think I want to get through this. n' I want to move on. n' I want to grow up. n' I am strong enough to do so.

    My emotions are all effed up. I guess I like being the savior. I guess I just like being liked. I guess I just think...if I can continue on with this I'll never really be alone.

    Then...why do I feel like crying? Am I really that spent?
     
  2. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    i know we dont know each other but its so hard to see you feeling you like

    maybe you could let your sadness come through to someone you trust when you need them most? cant do any harm ey?

    you sound like a great person. really motivated and caring. good qualitites!!

    i sincerely hope you're ok.

    thinking of you :)
    im here if u need to talk, it may be easier for you talking to someone u dont know?
     
  3. crzykidshanana

    crzykidshanana Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure it's that I'm really all that sad. I think it's more that how I'm feeling seems somehow irrelevent for what's going on in my life?

    I mean, why is it that I want to cry...when nothing sad is going on around me?

    Why is it that the idea of spending time with a specific person for awhile sounds better than a thousand rainbows n' a hundred happy days?

    It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense that I should feel certain ways...if I have no valid reasoning to do so?
     
  4. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    do we need a reason?
    im sure everyone feels down at some point for no reason. jst one of those days ...

    try not to dwell on it and question it. it'll only bring you down. i know easier said than done but hey.

    whats stopping you spending time with this specific person?
     
  5. crzykidshanana

    crzykidshanana Well-Known Member

    It's not so much that I want answers. It's not even that I really want to dwell upon it. It's just curiosity. It's just not understanding.

    It's just...the idea that being alone isn't pleasing me like it used to.

    n' it's the idea that having fun would subside if I make choices.

    I'm continuing to hang out with people. It's just...

    I'm paranoid. n' I always put myself in these situations where I save people. n' when these situations go away I end up dating the person.

    n' then I end up going away. I end up realizing that I was only there in order to save them.

    n' I end up leaving...because they don't need saving anymore.

    n' I end up hurting...hurting them and me...n' growing.

    But, I'm not sure I really need to grow like that anymore.

    n' I'm not sure if it's my paranoia that's making me feel anything.

    n' I'm not sure that if it isn't my paranoia, that anything should be pursued...for fear of risking something fun.
     
  6. crzykidshanana

    crzykidshanana Well-Known Member

    Or...perhaps I just needed to get everything out.

    People always feel better once they unload...
     
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