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Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by asking_advice, Dec 5, 2010.

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  1. asking_advice

    asking_advice Well-Known Member

    when im not stress and everything happened according to my plan. im not needy, and can think clearly. im not looking for attention or what but when im in the problem that i think i cant solve. im started to be a needy girl, looking for a person who can understand me either man/woman, i need assurance from this person.

    i read books and went to the psychotherapy still im like this.

    please help me. i need opinions.
  2. victor

    victor Account Closed

    and whats the problem in that? lol
    i think its normal.. well, at least 4 me its normal.. when things goes wrong we all need support and we all want someone to assure us that everythings gonna be alright.. well, thats my opinion..
  3. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    I donno. The unknown can be an awkward and scary place, especially when you have nothing to reference your decisions and opinons to.

    What sort of opinons are you looking for? I suppose that is a beginning of tackeling this sort of situation.
  4. asking_advice

    asking_advice Well-Known Member

    in real life, i dont let anyone see my needy part. im always independent that's why they like me. im not insecure if my bestfriend have other friends or the guy i like have a crush.

    in internet world is my secret world. there is where im whine about life. every person i told my problem and started to be needy. started to ignore me. i dont want it to happen again. i want to have normal friends.

    i dont want anyone to see my depress and insecure side in real world.
  5. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    I agree, and live my life similiarly. I assume many people do, unfortunatly. It's very difficult to lower your thinking from a position of "knowing" to "unsure". Especially from other people whom have adjusted their line of thinking of you, as someone who is always in control. It can throw them for a loop and yeah.. you know.

    The problem with concealing your vulnerable side of your life online, is that it is a natural part of our existence. The more we become comfortable with it, the less of a impact it has in the moment. It's like excersising a muscle, in this case, you gain more of a control of it's vulnerable uneasy influence, while allowing the awareness that comes with being insecure benifit you and the situation.

    Im not sure what else to say, just that there are people out there who can be normal friends and can maintain a level of respect with you no matter the personal mood you are in at any given time.
    btw, my posts seem to just dodge people out, probably because it comes off as bullshit to them :) So no worries in that regard if it is. I dont want to derail your thread.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 5, 2010
  6. asking_advice

    asking_advice Well-Known Member

    in real life. i can make friends because i dont need to talk every minute. im talkative if we are talking face to face but in text or chat im not. im trying to be more friendly when im chatting them. i think im improving. there are still times i dont know how to react in internet world either im talking to a net person or my real friends.
  7. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    :) Ever gone into chat? I find it's a bloody land mine. It's so hard to respond sometimes to people because it's difficult to know where they are coming from, how they perceive things, and ultimatly how they potentially will respond.

    It's that unknown again :)

    Is it a fear of rejection when you express an opinon or view completely from who you are?
  8. asking_advice

    asking_advice Well-Known Member

    i think unconsciously im afraid in rejection. i cant be spontaneous on net. im afraid that i will become close to anyone on net and started to ignore me again. i know people dont have patience as therapist have because im not paying them. i know people who really loves me and support no matter what while they are still alive are my parents.
  9. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Do you think you can seperate the need for affection from someone, and allow the enjoyment of anothers company to just sit. One of the most dififcult things in having friends is the loss of a friend. I've overcome that by not allowing certain feelings into the equation, and realizing the individuality of this person. As in, they have their own life, I have my own, so I enjoy the moments we share when the come, and look forward to the next. But I don't count on the next time. That's something that needs to grow and develop between two people.

    Once that develops, if a friend breaks contact, it can be a hit. I don't think there is a ultimate protection for that, but the understanding of the other persons life makes that hit alot less deeper.

    Friends can be few and far, but when you find the ones that respect you as a person, those are the ones that stick for a long time.

    Do you get attached to people quickly by chance? (sorry if im off tangent, just correct me if u want)
  10. asking_advice

    asking_advice Well-Known Member

    i have new motto in life:

    there is no such forever in life either friendship or romantic relationships because you dont know if this person will die tomorrow that's why im just enjoying their company.

    this motto is in my mind but cant fully understand my emotional side. im always tell it to myself. it is effective in real life but in net friends. im easily attached.
  11. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Yar I get that. Especially on places like this. Here there is a pre-defined understanding of suicide, of morality, which is a difficult sentiment to grasp with people in real life at best. Online too, the aspects of looks, the environment around us, .. they arent there. There is a lack of other stimuli around us for people to share, so when someone is talking to me online, it is more or less more focused than it would be online, which is a bit off cause it can feel like im in the spot light. Ontop of that, by getting a responce, and an "understanding" back from someone, it can make a trivial comment or conversation seem a bit deeper than it might be in reality. I suppose online it's easier to talk to someones core being, as opposed to in real life where we have alot more superficial aspects to focus on and be distracted by. Though, it makes losing contact with someone whom youve been talking to online from that level alot more drastic, as opposed to losing contact with someone in real life.

    Maybe if you want, when you're talking to people online, pay attention to your emotional side more in the moment, and post back here. There are loads of people in similar situations who can help you understand your own feelings, simply by throwing things out there for you to bounce off of. Though no one can explain your feelings for you :) But we can help you realize them better I suppose.

    I agree. Enjoy the moment with someone. It's the best thing :)
  12. asking_advice

    asking_advice Well-Known Member

    it's just traumatic for me that the 2 people i thought can understand me on net. started to ignore me and the other person told me im lying about my stories. i understand them because both of them have a emotional problems same as me so i dont push myself to them.
  13. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    :( That's really sad. I'm sorry to hear that. I have been in a similar situation. For years i had a two very good friends whom we talked about everything in life. Talking with them was the most enjoyable times for me. Then one day I started making mistakes, and eventually they stopped talking to me. We catch up with a few lines in an email now and again, but what we had is lost. It hurts when I think from the time that we shared. So all I can do now is to think of myself, and who I am and who I want to become. I can't blame them, it's who they are, and I agree with their decison I suppose. The best I can do is to continue being me. Though the loss of them is not so easy to get over.

    That's a bit harsh to say you are lying. The best thing I can suggest is that, this is your friends problem, not yours. I bet it's hard to have that sort of connection removed from your life. But you can move past it. Id remember the good times and the connections you shared, but not reserve those connections soley with your friends. It's best to remember that there are other people, and other things that can connect with you on those levels, and to not let the memory of your relationships cloud the future for you. No matter what youre just as important then as you are now :)
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