Hi, I'm new to this site. My other forum isn't as busy as this one, and sometimes I need faster company. (Luckily tonight isn't one of those nights). I spent a long time looking at the different forum topics trying to pick the right one to post in. I picked this one because I think tonight the sleep is getting to me worse than everything else. (Feel free to tell me if I've posted in the wrong spot). A very brief synopsis of me: I've lived a million years in my short life, I've been through hell and back, several times. I feel like I've been through everything. Violence, poverty, abuse, addiction, disorders and problems. You name it, I've been there. One of my many problems is that I'm an insomniac, I'm up all the time, between work, stress, paranoia, anxiety and depression. I sleep briefly and troubled. I've quite recently been through one of the worse weeks of my life, the death of my little brother. It just happened on the 19th. I still feel like I'm reeling. I feel like it was surreal, I could only wish it was a nightmare. I'm thinking about death. Now let me be real specific here, I'm not thinking about killing myself. I've had this problem all of my adult life, I'm thinking about death.... all the time. More specifically I get fixated on the sensation of absolute oblivion, the void of existance. I know that now it has gotten way out of hand, that I'm now at the edge of it consuming me entirely, but I can't get away from it now, where before I could. I have to take sleeping pills to stop my mind, otherwise I would never sleep, NEVER. I feel like I've run out of options, like I've stalled, like I'm waiting for something that I don't know will ever come.