neeeeeed sleeeeeeep

Discussion in 'Midnight Owl' started by dragontears, Feb 6, 2008.

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  1. dragontears

    dragontears Member

    I'm new to this site. My other forum isn't as busy as this one, and sometimes I need faster company. (Luckily tonight isn't one of those nights). I spent a long time looking at the different forum topics trying to pick the right one to post in. I picked this one because I think tonight the sleep is getting to me worse than everything else. (Feel free to tell me if I've posted in the wrong spot).

    A very brief synopsis of me: I've lived a million years in my short life, I've been through hell and back, several times. I feel like I've been through everything. Violence, poverty, abuse, addiction, disorders and problems. You name it, I've been there. One of my many problems is that I'm an insomniac, I'm up all the time, between work, stress, paranoia, anxiety and depression. I sleep briefly and troubled.
    I've quite recently been through one of the worse weeks of my life, the death of my little brother. It just happened on the 19th. I still feel like I'm reeling. I feel like it was surreal, I could only wish it was a nightmare. I'm thinking about death. Now let me be real specific here, I'm not thinking about killing myself. I've had this problem all of my adult life, I'm thinking about death.... all the time. More specifically I get fixated on the sensation of absolute oblivion, the void of existance. I know that now it has gotten way out of hand, that I'm now at the edge of it consuming me entirely, but I can't get away from it now, where before I could. I have to take sleeping pills to stop my mind, otherwise I would never sleep, NEVER. I feel like I've run out of options, like I've stalled, like I'm waiting for something that I don't know will ever come.
  2. brocky800

    brocky800 Member

    Aww. I shall have a thought for you tonight when I go to bed. Sleep well.
  3. dragontears

    dragontears Member

    thanks brocky! you're the first person to answer me here :)
  4. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. :( I hope things get better soon. If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me.
  5. dragontears

    dragontears Member

    thanks! everyone is so friendly here!
  6. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I am so very sorry about your little brother. I have a little brother and I cannot even imagine how painfuil that is for you. My dad died when I was 16 though and I went through a lot after that, so I completely know the feeling of being 100 years old when you're still young.

    Are you on any medication for your insomnia or depression?

    You sound like a really strong person despite the tragedy in your life and I believe you will get through this and be stronger for it. PM me anytime :)
  7. dragontears

    dragontears Member

    Nope, I'm taking over-the-counter right now. Since the funeral it's been the only way to get some sleep.
    I believe I am strong, I'm good at putting on "the face", inside it's killing me.
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