Negative Side Talking

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ShoegazeDaydream, Jun 27, 2016.

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  1. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    There's times where I make threads and whenever they get ignored I immediately fall into pessimism. Sometimes I figure oh why bother. People don't care. People are self creatures anyways. All they care about is themselves. Nobody cares. People just suck. Plain and simple. Nobody cares unless they have something to get out of it.

    Than I fall into a deep dark depression because half my life I've been a loner, got rejected by people, ignored, made fun, bullied, abused by people, walked over and told that I'm stupid for not being smart. Than people wonder why I'm so negative, angry and full of pure hate sometimes. My self esteem is so low. There's times where I even call myself stupid and a idiot. My therapist tells me to give myself nothing but love and care and I look at like she's crazy. People tell me that I'm good person and once again I don't believe them. So many people in my life has ditched me, abandoned me due to my depression. Than when I'm with people and actually have friends I'm actually happy and a smile actually spreads across my face. I have 0 friends where I live. None. The only person who I see is someone who lives 2 hrs away and I can only see him every once in awhile. I just moved to a new city and I don't know anyone. I'm not the type of person to go out to bars either. Now I'm seriously thinking maybe that it's better to be alone, than I won't have to worry about people hurting me.

    Once again I doubt anyone cares what I have to say anyways. I'm just a stupid F-ing person anyways.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Wrong, I care and you are know that. I feel your pain everyday and YOU ARE NOT a stupid person. You are a fellow being who is hurting a lot but when you smile your happiness is like the rays of sun shine. I believe in you and surely that means something. I might live in darkness but I consider a close friend who needs our support. I am to talk as much as you want as you are important.

    Never doubt that no one cares as I would cry tears of hurt if you decided to do something. At moment you fragile and hurting now. Let the tears roll out and let it realise the pain from within. You keep me going, so please sense I mean every word I mean. You reach out near and I give you a virtual hug as you really important.

    Please don't think different and message if you wish to talk in private. Stay strong which I know is hard.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    *hugs* You deserve to have friends that respect and like you for who you are. I think you should give it some time, you've just moved to a new city so find out what you can do in that city that won't break the bank, like evening classes or volunteering etc..thats a gateway to meeting new people and new opportunities. I hope you will get through this rough patch and realise that people do care. I care :)
  4. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    I appreciate everyone's help, I really do but as of right now I'm so far gone right now that I can't think positive anymore about anything. So many people has abandoned me and I think my negativity on here will wear everyone out. I already picked it up when I was in the chat room last night. Not many people want to be around anyone who's severely depressed. They rather talk to someone who is happy, optimistic and full of life. I'm none of those things right now.

    That's why you shouldn't really truly depend on anyone because people always end up letting you down. Than I won't have to deal with people abandoning me and hurting me ever again. Now when I look at my ex boyfriend and when I was trying to show him how much I love him, I can see how he himself is far gone too and I believe he picked up that I am too and he got depressed by seeing me cry in his room. I even told him before I left his house one day, "Nobody likes me! Everyone hates me! Who the F- cares about me anyways. Sometimes I just wish I was dead." He hugged me really close and I could see the sadness in his eyes as he looked at me. He has asperger's and it's a lot for him to take on a lot of people's emotions. I joined a Forum not to long ago and everyone there informed me on his disorder because anytime I tried to get someone to talk to me about it, nobody would help me. I have a hard time understanding things due to my disorder and now I completely understand everything about his disorder and I told him on Facebook that now I completely understand and that I'll support him and he said "Thank you for understanding! :)"

    Sorry if I'm coming across as harsh or mean but I'm just so filled of sadness and bitterness right now due to the way I've been treated by everyone this year.......
  5. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    I know what it's like to look inside yourself and see only the bad things and for people to shy away from me when I am negative or losing it. I understand it in a way though. For me emotions are contagious and I am easily influenced by the mood of those around me which is why I too try to seek some happiness from others, but I know it is only fleeting. I think you need to find happiness within yourself first, to truly feel better... that's just my weird ramblings though. I just wanted you to know I've felt the same way before but I think looking into the mirror or being reflective too much can be very damaging.

    I've noticed sometimes if you focus on outer world things and create a good balance between inner and outer, things don't seem as overwhelming.. but again not sure if I'm making any sense. Just want you to know I notice and am here.

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