I have come to the conclusion that suicide is the only way forward for me now. It started 5 months ago when after rewriting the fundamentals of horseracing valuation (I was a dux at business school), I started reacting to my parents in an aggresive way, kicking doors and fireplaces. I did not have any hallucinations or a mental condition at all, I was only in for essentially not behaving perfectly although my parents made up stories to make it sound worse than it was when they spoke to the psychiatrists. After calling the police they then checked me into a psch ward for an evaluation. Over night they decided that I needed to be treated, and so started me on a trial run of a series of antipsychotic drugs. One of the drugs reacted so badly with me that it caused nerve damage throughout my entire body after a single dose. I now feel pain in my eyes, armpits, genitals, chest, heart, and all through the lower half of my body. My orgasm is minute and I only feel like masturbating once maybe every month or so, and compared with the hours I used to spend with attractive girls. I now have a movement disorder where I need to move or I feel extreme discomfort, and even while moving I don't feel any better even all through the night. It leaves me feeling pained in my muscles from constantly moving all the time, and exhausted but unable to sleep as I also have insomnia that has lasted 4 months already. I can literally walk or shuffle now after having beta blockers for 12 hours straight and then not be able to fall asleep. Imagine walking around the corridors of a mental ward drugged up to the hilt, unable to sleep and banging into walls due to my insomnia. I don't think there is a sleeping pill that can work for me. My attention span is now down to about 30 seconds. I never feel pleasure of any sort from food or views, or anything else. I have seen countless doctors and psychiatrists and have checked myself into mental wards of hospitals. I have researched other potential causes for my condition such as akathisia, and have asked for treatment for it. I have had some of these treatments but one of them, the congentin, increased the nerve pain I was feeling to include my eyes as they went in and out of focus and gave me confusion and hallucinations. I also tried beta blockers although they just made me feel heavy and unable to walk as far without stopping me from feeling restless and a need to move, so now I find myself just moving from foot to foot or rocking on all fours. I now know that what I have is permanent nerve damage, and it is not curable. My quality of life will not improve, I will never hold down a job, have a girlfriend again, or even be able to participate in even basic conversations.