Nerve damage from antipsychotic drugs

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by James Mayo, Sep 20, 2006.

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  1. James Mayo

    James Mayo Member

    I have come to the conclusion that suicide is the only way forward for me now. It started 5 months ago when after rewriting the fundamentals of horseracing valuation (I was a dux at business school), I started reacting to my parents in an aggresive way, kicking doors and fireplaces. I did not have any hallucinations or a mental condition at all, I was only in for essentially not behaving perfectly although my parents made up stories to make it sound worse than it was when they spoke to the psychiatrists.

    After calling the police they then checked me into a psch ward for an evaluation. Over night they decided that I needed to be treated, and so started me on a trial run of a series of antipsychotic drugs. One of the drugs reacted so badly with me that it caused nerve damage throughout my entire body after a single dose.

    I now feel pain in my eyes, armpits, genitals, chest, heart, and all through the lower half of my body. My orgasm is minute and I only feel like masturbating once maybe every month or so, and compared with the hours I used to spend with attractive girls.

    I now have a movement disorder where I need to move or I feel extreme discomfort, and even while moving I don't feel any better even all through the night. It leaves me feeling pained in my muscles from constantly moving all the time, and exhausted but unable to sleep as I also have insomnia that has lasted 4 months already.

    I can literally walk or shuffle now after having beta blockers for 12 hours straight and then not be able to fall asleep.

    Imagine walking around the corridors of a mental ward drugged up to the hilt, unable to sleep and banging into walls due to my insomnia. I don't think there is a sleeping pill that can work for me. My attention span is now down to about 30 seconds. I never feel pleasure of any sort from food or views, or anything else.

    I have seen countless doctors and psychiatrists and have checked myself into mental wards of hospitals. I have researched other potential causes for my condition such as akathisia, and have asked for treatment for it.

    I have had some of these treatments but one of them, the congentin, increased the nerve pain I was feeling to include my eyes as they went in and out of focus and gave me confusion and hallucinations. I also tried beta blockers although they just made me feel heavy and unable to walk as far without stopping me from feeling restless and a need to move, so now I find myself just moving from foot to foot or rocking on all fours.

    I now know that what I have is permanent nerve damage, and it is not curable. My quality of life will not improve, I will never hold down a job, have a girlfriend again, or even be able to participate in even basic conversations.
  2. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I have very little knowledge of all of this but is it not possible to sue that ward which gave you this drug? Was it an overdose? Were you allergic to this drug? It sounds to me like you really deserve some sort of compensation.

    Also sounds to me like your parents dont care much for you at all. How have they felt ever since this terrible tragedy happened to you?

    It doesn't sound like you have a 30 second attention span as your post was extremely well written and coherent.

    I'm not sure if I would say its permanent, medicine is always advancing, remember when they said that if you had breast cancer, you were a goner? Have you done research into any other people with your condition?
    This sounds stupid, but at least you'd have a girlfriend, I havent and don't think I ever will, but thats besides the point.

    Please keep posting here if you can. Your story has really touched me.
  3. James Mayo

    James Mayo Member

    I have been finding the best ways to kill myself and so far they seem to be cyanide pills but where to get them from?

    It's my life, shouldn't it me my right to end my life if circumstances mean that I can no longer tolerate what's left?
  4. James Mayo

    James Mayo Member


    It wasn't an oversdose I am just sensitive to most drugs of any sort. I could sue the psychiatrist that gave me the drug, but what purpose would that serve even if I won? Even if I had lots of money as a result you could take me to the fanciest restuarant, show me an overseas holiday, and I couldn't enjoy any of it. Speaking of relief, someone told me to try a bath, and I haven't tried one yet, so I'll do that this morning.

    I was in a mental ward all week while my parents went on a holiday, I checked myself in as my condition is getting worse, and some people were shaking due to long term neuroleptic drug use, but no one there could believe how bad I was. Most of the patients asked what I had to stay away from it.

    I don't think my parents knew about the effects of antipsychotic drug use, it essentially turns people into vegetables, and they can then then barely do things like colouring in between the lines. This is necessary if they hear voices etc but not necessary if you don't. I have watched tens of people come into the wards that think the drugs are fun as at the start they feel all giddy and light headed, and then watch as their lives disintergrate in a matter of weeks. Before they know it, they will be in and out for the rest of their lives in a semi vegitative state.

    I think my parents did not really know about what really went on in a psych ward, nor the potential negative outcomes even in the best case senario. It was a control mechanism for them, but now they have seen the consequences of their actions and although they do not want to admit they were wrong, I can tell they are feeling badly about it.

    You make a good point about breast cancer, but in my case, neurology is a different ball game. My guess is probably 200 years or more before they can come up with any sort of advances. Here we are talking human genome and stem cell advances.

    I can't wait 200 years, I struggle to make it through each 10 minute interval. All the medication that I have been given no longer works on me, including sleeping tablets, pain medication or tranquillizers.
  5. bunny

    bunny Staff Alumni

    this is a prolife site so we dont give out methods or how to obtain methods

    im sorry for what you are going through but i have to say this is not the effect of anti psychotic medication, im on them and im not a vegitable, ive never even been an inpatient at a mental hospital!

    have you spoken to a doctor about the possibilities of pain killers to help with what you go through?
  6. James Mayo

    James Mayo Member


    well my guess is that you are very young. If you go into a mental ward, you can meet the people that have been on them for a couple of months, years or even decades to see the effect they have on brain and body functioning. I am not saying that you should not have them, if you hallucinate and hear voices there are really no other options and I sympathise with your predicament and they can improve the quality of life for a few years for some.

    But if you read the medical journals you will see that somewhere around 40-90% of long term anti psychotic users have some sort of movement disorder such as a facial ticks, continual rocking, shaking of hands, parkinson like symptoms, and walking gait problems to mention a few and these are not reversible especially if you still need the drugs. Look up tardive dyskinesia on the web. Now these are just the visible signs of the drugs on your system. Then there are the effects on your brains ability to process like it once did and this is less visible to the naked eye.

    I am not trying to stop you from taking your medication, that may be worse for you, in fact then you might hear voices to tell you to commit suicide for example, but you have to also be aware of the side effects of such drugs.
  7. James Mayo

    James Mayo Member

    so should you resolve all the relationships in your life and say goodbye to everyone explaining what went wrong and why? That way at least they will understand your reasons for leaving and tie everything up.

    Then cash in your super or take whatever money you have, head to switzerland and be done with it?

    If it is my body, why don't I have a right to end my life?

    the only problem is that I have read that suicide is a sin, and personally I don't want to go to hell.
  8. James Mayo

    James Mayo Member

    I keep reading about killing myself, but I am such a coward.

    What is more cowardly, living with excruciating physical and mental pain suffering everyday making your life a living hell as well as everyone around you, or going yourself taking the burden off those around you, allowing them to live their lives again properly?

    Isn't it fair to let everyone else live when they can and you can't? But the thought of nothingness also scares me, and that is why I am a coward.

    Anyone with any sense of decency would get a gun and blow themselves up, drive off a cliff, jump off a tall building or bridge.

    Me I just keep complaining, and making the lives around me suffer.
  9. James Mayo

    James Mayo Member

    What I was thinking about doing before I go was to write up what happened to me and post it on the web as a warning to anyone finding themselves in the same predicament as me so they can maybe avoid my fate.

    What I need is someone who can put my article up on the web.
  10. James Mayo

    James Mayo Member

  11. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Your not a coward at all James, all of us are afraid of death and what happens beyond, no matter those who are religious and feel that they'll go to heaven or hell or whereever, they are still unsure. You are in fact a very brave person for having to suffer through this which many cannot even comprehend, you are already stronger than many people.

    And yes, to many, religions saying that suicide leads to hell is a deterrent, we don't know if its true but we don't have to take that risk. But it seems as though your in a dire predicament, your already in a hell on Earth. :sad:

    I'm sure there has to be others in your exact misfortune. Perhaps you would feel much better by talking to them, but I don't think your condition has a name does it?
  12. James Mayo

    James Mayo Member

    thanks for those words of encouragement nkrukato, I have already endured 5 months of hell, and things are only getting worse on a daily basis.

    I was only treated for being slightly and I mean slightly behaviourally aggressive, i have never been to jail nor hit anyone ever in my life, nor been diagnosed with a pyschiatric illness.

    when I was in the mental ward last weekend I met a guy whose wife had one too many disagreements with him and made up some stories to say that he was growing in aggression. they took him away from his 3 daughters, and I could see the satisfaction in his wife's eyes. She is using it of course to gain an upperhand in the relationship, not realising that she is depriving her daughters of ever having a proper relationship with their father not to mention possibly killing him in the process or changing him forever.

    you see the thing is that without any actual violence, there is no case in court to pursue, so nothing happens through the regular court system. With the psychiatric ward they can treat the violent indications as enough to start treatment on you without your consent, nor a proper trial. There is no due process and treatment can be started without your consent a trial or anything else we generally take for granted such as guilty until proven innocent.

    Sure they have "hearings" however, they have already started treatment with the drugs rendering you incapable of defending yourself, and there are no rules of evidence meaning that if the person accusing you of violence makes up a story, the court does not require witness statements, there is no cross examination, and even if you can prove it false, they do not listen and generally approve the continued treatment taking the advice of the "knowlegeable doctor" who can only make a subjective analysis as there is no objective way to diagnose many of these illnesses unless you hear voices.

    For me the only term they used was a "lack of insight" and that was enough to continue to treat me.

    Once you get out of the mental ward, you can flee the state that ordered your treatment, or you can appeal in a proper court, who will again no doubt trust the so called "expert" in comming to their final decision. By then for me the damage was already done and my life comming to an end.

    For me it only took one tablet for me to cascade out of control and for everything to implode on itself.

    If you refuse the drugs they try to give you they will restrain and inject you.

    many people are given neuroleptic drugs for an increasing variety of reasons from actual psychiatric conditions to dementia to behavioural disturbance. There are many off label uses for these drugs and their use continues to increase as it is said that the newer drugs cause less damage than the older versions as they are called atypical antipsycotics. Well for me the opposite is true, and I have never felt sicker in all my life, I feel certain that I will have to be courageous enough to end my suffering.
  13. James Mayo

    James Mayo Member

    here is a good website with a lot of good information about how the psychiatric care profession should be treated with an extreme amount of caution:

    the citizens commission on human rights

    essentially it is the only remaining complete abuse of all human rights
  14. Taciturn

    Taciturn Member

    My situation sounds similar to yours... Sadly, I chose the wrong doctor, didn't see the warning signs, and took my drug voluntarily:

    I did, however, like you, take it for a very short period of time, and have had my quality of life affected to the point that it is not worth going on with it anymore. There is nothing that could happen in my life (short of a miraculous recovery) that would make me feel that it is worth living. I could have all the money in the world, and it wouldn't matter to me. Honestly, the only things that are keeping me alive are 1) the VERY remote chance that there is something that can be done about my condition, and 2) revenge against the doctor who prescribed the drug and the pharmaceutical company.
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